Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties Page #7

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dining with me

at the castle tonight?

Nobody hits on my best friend's

girlfriend... and succeeds.

Yoo-hoo! Mr. Pinata-Head.

[growling]:

You!

Me?

Excuse me for one moment.

-Sure, but...

-Mi castle es su castle.

-DARGIS:
Aha!

-GARFIELD:
Not now!

-Your nine lives are up!

-[doorbell rings]

GARFIELD:

No. No, not now.

Good Lord,

do these people never sleep?

GARFIELD:

Oh, why now?

Ah, Mr. Hobbs,

punctual as usual.

Just taking out the rubbish.

Won't be a jiffy.

GARFIELD [whimpering]:

Oh, please!

Okay, you got me.

GARFIELD:

Oh, you are so stupid.

Dungeon.

GARFIELD:

I'm just a cat!

GARFIELD [crying]:

Oh... Please! I'm so weak...

and, and you're so strong,

so powerful.

[Garfield grunts]

[lock rattles]

GARFIELD:

You creep!

There's more than one way

to skin a royal cat.

I'm not a royal cat!

I'm a self-centered house cat!

Hey! Wait! Wait!

What, you think I'm going

to crack in here?

Uh-uh. No.

This is gonna be a treat.

I'm finally gonna have

some quality alone time.

I'm gonna write that novel

I've been putting off.

I'm gonna learn a couple

of foreign languages,

and I'm gonna start a whole

new workout regimen.

I'm gonna lose all this.

Get myself

in top physical condition.

Thank you! Yeah!

Ha, ha!

I love it here!

You've done me

an enormous favor!

Who's laughing now?

[laughing]

[laughter fades]

[laughter resumes]

[sighs]

[grunting]

It's nice to get away

from the urban sprawl.

"Carlyle, 28 miles."

Going my way?

[grunts]

Piece of cake, really.

JON:

So we make a left up ahead.

[barks]

Oh. Right turn.

Thanks, buddy.

I'm afraid

there's just no sign of him.

Really? Well, then...

let's make it official.

Well, if we must, we must.

Then there's the time

I got hit by that car...

and the time that I ate

that six-day-old halibut.

Hey, that's only seven lives.

I got two more.

All right, I'm gonna

get out of this.

[stone scrapes, clatters]

Bingo!

Winston and I have come

to your rescue.

Took you long enough.

What, did you finally hear

my stomach growling?

No, but we heard your tiresome

monologue. Bad halibut, indeed.

[stone scraping]

Let's get you out of here,

Your Royal Highness.

Winster.

The solicitors are here.

We have to move quickly.

Huh.

Uh, then we luncheon,

Your Royal Highness.

Yeah, you can drop that shtick,

drool boy.

I heard you

and the bird.

How about the house cat part?

I loved that.

Aw, all right, all right.

So we weren't exactly honest.

We had to do it.

What would

you have done?

Save your breath, chubby cheeks.

I shall abdicate my throne

and return to my TV chair.

You were our only hope.

The only hope of the hopeless.

What do they want, blood?

I have been eating and sleeping

my heart out for these animals

still not enough.

Like I'm not as good

as a royal cat could be.

Huh?

Hmm...

[Garfield humming]

Hmm?

Hmm...

Hmm?

Blah!

Hmm?

[Garfield groans]

[glass squeaks]

[exhaling]

[Prince groans]

Aha! I so knew you weren't me.

And you must be Garfield.

How do you know my name?

I've lived your life

for the past few days.

Yes, if ever a man loved a cat,

it's your Jon.

Return to him, Garfield.

Return to your home.

Your Highness, you don't have

to tell me twice. Bye-bye.

Sire, thank heavens.

-You've returned.

-The real prince!

The prince is home,

back with us!

It's the real prince

the genuine article.

Yes, my friends,

I have returned to you

at this, our darkest hour.

So, Winny, what exactly is

Lord Dargis up to?

He intends to level our homes

and kill us all.

O... kay.

[clears throat]

Well, in that case, I decree

that we pack our bags

and get our scraggy bottoms

out of here.

Perhaps to the castle next door.

-Oh, boy.

-What?!

[sarcastically]:

Well, that was inspirational.

Brilliant.

I am so fired up.

You know, I have to believe

we can do better.

I thought you were leaving.

Hey, button the beak,

Fruit Loops,

or I'll stick that thing on

backwards.

Look, Lord Doofus is

just another bully.

And what do we do to bullies?

Well, generally,

we run from them.

No, we don't leave.

We stand

and we kick royal butt.

Trust me, if you beasts...

can bake a two-cheese

lasagna,

you can beat Dargis.

Well, do you have a plan,

Garfield?

Tell you what.

For the duration of this battle,

I would prefer

to be called G-Cat.

And we have two plans.

-Oh, teamwork. Oh, yes, yes.

-[animals chatter excitedly]

[panting]

GARFIELD:

Hey, girly dog!

[snarling]

Yeah, you girly girl!

You're such a silly sissy dog!

[barking]

GARFIELD:

Go! Go!

PRINCE:

The game is afoot.

[Rommel barking in distance]

-Sissy, silly dog.

-[barking]

You don't move so good, bozo!

[barking]

Uh-oh!

Here, kitty-kitty.

[panting]

GARFIELD:

Yoo-hoo!

-Oh, Mr. Stinky Dog.

-[growling]

Hey, loco.

Oh, no!

Run away!

GARFIELD:

Oh, yay-yip-yip-yahoo!

Yahoo!

Yow-yow-ya-ya-yip-yip-yip-yahoo!

DARGIS [sadly]:

The loss of Prince...

I'm not quite

sure that...

any of us will ever

get over it.

Prince and Carlyle Court

were... were one.

Sometimes, it's, it's almost

as if his...

his spirit was still...

His spirit's still what?

...still ro-roaming

the grounds.

I wonder if you could

excuse me for a little...

Do you hear running water?

I-I won't be long.

He's a bit of a tool,

don't you think?

[doorbell rings]

Yes?

Lord Dargis. Am I early?

Only just, Miss Westminster.

Only just.

Please, please. Please.

I was just

finishing something.

I wonder if you'd like

to wait in the library.

[whimpers]

Okay.

Make yourself at home.

Have a seat.

Thank you. Um...

PRINCE:

Tally-ho!

Oh! On the other hand,

this simply won't do.

-Why?

-Smithee's been painting again.

I can't smell anything.

Oh, you never can,

my darling.

Next thing you know,

you're salsa dancing

in your knickers.

-What?

-I won't be long.

[growls]

[grunts]

MR. HOBBS:

Ah! Mr. Dargis,

will we be starting

sometime today?

Absolutely, Mr. Hobbs.

PRINCE:

Hello again.

[Dargis screams]

-What's the matter?

-Matter with what?

-You screamed.

-No, I didn't.

Why don't you adjourn

to my study?

And now, I'll retrieve

the papers.

Where are you,

you rat-headed devil?

[grunts]

Oh, no!

Yoo-hoo, Mr. Fancy-pants.

[groans]

Wait till I get

my hands on you!

Ha-ha! He's brilliant!

[groans]

[groans]

GARFIELD [in Brooklyn accent]:

Dargis!

I got two words for youse:

Me. Yow.

Come here, you!

Oh, no, you won't do.

I specifically requested

a feline masseuse.

[screams]

[Dargis groans]

[Dargis yelling]

Somebody get this thing

off of me!

Hey, bozo!

-[growls]

-Yeah, you, buster!

GARFIELD:

Hey!

[screams]

Stupid, red-haired,

flea-bitten...

Whoa-aah!

[grunting and groaning]

Lord Da... What is...?

What is that?

-I felt a slight chill.

-What?

I thought a simple wrap

would be just the ticket.

-There!

-There what?

There is absolutely no reason

why you can't have

a cool, refreshing drink

to make you feel calmer

in this steamy weather.

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