Gay Page #4

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Stop, forget it.

- What?

Go away. Go away.

- Why?

Hey, you. Two more Irish coffees.

Hey, two Irish coffees.

Hey, boy, I just shouted

'Two Irish coffees' Are you deaf?

Ever heard of the word 'please'?

- Do you realize who I am?

You're Max Phallus.

- Gallas.

Two Irish coffees coming up.

- Good.

Hey, Max.

- Oh, no.

What a coincidence.

You're looking good.

Are you here with Pascal?

- No, with Jos Brink.

You're such a dumb b*tch.

Do you really think sucking up to

me will get your trashy face on TV?

I'll take them myself, cutie.

He's gay. You know...

B*tch.

'Are you here with Pascal? '

Oh, no.

Ouch, careful.

- Stop moaning.

You have to use that one, too.

Feeling better?

- I don't want to do this.

Of course you do,

it's a part in a film, man.

I know that, but all

I want to do is cry.

What do you want?

You two are like a couple of whores.

- Hey, put a sock in it, OK.

I'm going for a piss.

- That guy is driving me insane.

Calm down. You just need to be strict.

- OK.

Do you think I'm too possessive? Max

says that I'm too possessive. Well?

I don't know what got into Max, but

you wanted Guy, too, remember?

Oh, come off it.

He's an arsehole. What?

Why does just me not satisfy him?

You're a very beautiful woman.

- Thank you.

Come on, carry on.

I have some news for you.

- What?

What? What's the news?

I kissed a woman in

your bathroom last night.

Who?

- I don't know.

What do you mean, you don't know?

- It was a very tall woman.

You're terrible. You're

a real slut, aren't you?

It was great. And it felt really

natural somehow, I don't know.

Yes, damn it.

Do you think I'm bisexual?

My poor thing, I'm sorry.

- It's OK.

I'm OK.

Dear me, your mascara is smudged.

Well, Snoes, welcome to the club.

I love you, sweetie.

- I love you, too, silly.

Now go and get your dress on.

Next.

Hello.

- You're that soap actor, right?

Yes, that's right.

OK, introduce yourself

and then we'll get started.

I'm Pascal Verlinde and I'm here...

- Speak up.

I'm Pascal Verlinde and

I'm here to do an audition.

Oh, you're the one added

to the list at the last minute?

Well, you must be very, very good.

Let's get started. You're

playing a singer in a nightclub...

so I'd like you to sing a song.

- A song?

Without any music?

- Yes. Does that sound strange to you?

Well, what shall I sing?

- Choose a song yourself.

Just a moment.

Well, I suppose

that was to be expected.

Next.

What's going on?

How old are you?

Do you know the one about the two

faggots who went to the doctor?

Don't worry, darling, I'll take him

home and teach him some manners.

Teach me manners?

We'd best get started then.

You just wait and see. It's all right

darling, I'll explain to Max, too.

Are you sure?

- Yes.

Besides, I quite enjoy

helping non-starters.

Snoes, I've made

an important decision.

I'm going to go to L.A. On my own.

You can't be serious.

Why not? What do I have left? My

life is a mess. I may as well opt out.

Oh, darling...

- That damn audition, and that prick.

This was one audition.

There will be others.

- You're not listening.

You never listen to me.

It's crap. My whole life is crap.

Honey...

And I've lost Max, too.

I don't know what to do.

Why don't you call him? I'm sure

that you two can work things out.

There's no point, Snoes.

- You just need to call him. Call him.

Guess what? My

horoscope today said that...

Snoes, just shut up. It's not

going to work out. Don't you get it?

Please.

Shall I go and get you

a glass of water?

Cher...

Quick, we've got to go

to the vet. Get me a towel.

Max, it's Snoes.

- No, don't.

Cher is in a very bad way. We're on

our way to the vet. You must come.

Why are you doing this? Why?

- Because Max should be there, too.

What happened?

- A seizure. I forgot her medicine.

She's in shock.

She's bitten off her tongue.

- Is there anything you can do?

She'll never be able to eat again.

I'm afraid that I'll have to

put her down. I'm sorry.

Is there nothing you can do?

- I'm sorry.

Do you want to stay with her?

I can't Snoes. I can't.

- I'll stay with her.

No...

She went to sleep very peacefully.

Would you like to

pay your last respects?

No, I can't.

I'm sorry.

What's wrong with Cher?

- Piss off, Max.

Calm down.

- Pascal, please.

And you keep your mouth shut.

- What's happened?

Cher didn't survive this time.

What?

Pascal, what went wrong?

What went wrong? Because of you

I forgot to give her her medicine.

Because of me?

- Stop it.

Perhaps I should leave you to it.

Hey...

- I can't take this any more.

If you ever hurt Pascal again...

then I'll have your guts for garters.

What should I do, Snoes?

Go after him, you prick. And

buy some roses or something.

What are you doing?

- Piss off, Max.

Max, let me past.

- Where are you going?

Let me past, damn it.

You're confused.

- Just let me go, you bastard.

Let me...

- Over my dead body.

If I had a gun right now, then I'd

shoot you without hesitation.

You don't know

what you're saying, Pas.

Go on then, hit me.

Let me past. It's over

between us. It's finished.

It's over. It's finished.

Let me go. Let go of me.

I love you.

I... I love you.

I love you.

Ditto.

Why do I love a prick like you?

Because you're just as

much of a prick as I am.

Do you remember, when

we'd just moved in together...

and you gave her to me?

She was so small...

just like a little rat.

She made those strange noises, too.

And that time she

peed all over your new suit.

I was livid.

- She wasn't house-trained yet.

No, but the suit couldn't

even be dry-cleaned.

And when we had a fight,

she'd start barking.

I feel so guilty.

- You don't have to, darling.

We knew that she was ill.

I'm just as much to blame.

I know that I'm not the easiest

person to live with either.

I'll never let you go again...

Do you mean that?

Do you think that Cher

wanted to be cremated?

I have an idea about

what we could do with her.

This is a really beautiful spot.

Cher always loved the beach.

I wish I could dance the tango

with you just one more time.

Yeah.

You know, she

brought us back together.

Well...

off you go, baby.

Hello.

- Guys...

Sorry I'm late. Nol wanted to wear

a tie, but he didn't know which one.

I have a present for you.

- Thank you.

It's meant to compensate

a little for the loss of Cher.

Isn't she cute?

- Beautiful, eh?

Look what her name is.

- She's so cute.

Look.

Kylie?

- Kylie?

What do you think? I thought,

Kylie, Cher - also a gay queen.

You're going to have two daddies.

- Oh, Snoes, thank you.

Hey, why don't the two

of you get married?

Hopeless.

Translation:
Robin Glendenning

The Service Station

SkyFury

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