Gay Page #3

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- Who on earth is it, Max?

Sweetie, it's our tramp, Nol.

He's staying with us for the night.

In our house? Why in our house?

He was with one of our production

bimbos, but it didn't work out.

Have you never heard of hotels?

- Pascal, don't be silly.

We'd lose him. Besides, my format

is money for your eye-lift, get it?

So he'll be at our champagne party,

too. And that doesn't matter: -

he's entitled to a bit of fun.

It's just for one night. Please...

Pascali...

- Well, I think it's horrible...

but OK then.

- I knew you wouldn't mind. Come here.

I love you.

- Ditto.

Champagne.

Nol...

I'm glad that the two of you

get along so well.

This food is wonderful, Maxie.

Ravioli filled with beluga caviar

in an oyster sauce.

Well, I bet you never eat

this kind of thing.

Pascal...

You're a bit like a broad.

- I beg your pardon?

You're a bit like a broad.

Darling, tell me what

you've organized for me.

Well, I called some

producer colleagues of mine...

and tomorrow you're invited to...

- What?

Audition for a role in a new film.

- No. Really?

Really?

Yes. Justice at last. Thank you, Max.

I'm auditioning for a new film...

You're playing a

nightclub killer in drag.

In drag?

- Don't ask me who dreamed it up.

I'll ask Snoes to

turn me into a real diva.

Don't screw it up, I had to beg.

- I won't screw it up, honestly.

It means we'll have to stay here. I

mean, I'll get the part, of course.

I'm sure you will.

I'm sorry, but he makes me sick.

- Calm down. Come here.

Come on, give me a kiss.

That's disgusting.

Listen, Nol, let me explain

our house rules to you.

We're gay and if we want to

french-kiss, then we will, OK?

Got any more beer?

- No...

just lots of exquisite Montaudon

champagne. What a shame, eh?

Is it on ice, by the way?

- Of course, my dear.

Darling, calm down.

Nol, you will behave,

won't you? Please?

Do you have a dessert, too?

- I do.

Don't choke on it.

Darling?

- No.

It's your favorite.

- No.

Dessert.

- I don't want any.

Don't be such a sissy.

- No.

And if I feed you?

- No.

Max, stop it. No.

There, everything's OK.

- OK.

To an evening of debauchery.

- You bet.

It's certainly an evening

of debauchery.

Max, I said I had a surprise

for you this morning, didn't I?

Well, we've been together for three

years, I want only you in my life...

and I wanted that set in stone,

so to speak.

What is it?

- I don't know what to say.

Well, that we'll always stay together?

- Yes. Yes, it's beautiful.

Hello. I'd like to introduce

you both to Ken.

Snoes, this is a private moment.

- Nice to meet you. Champagne?

Yes, please. I've heard

and read a lot about you.

Yes, and I bet most of it

was lies or worse.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

The things they say about me...

Isn't he nice?

Snoes, could I have a word? Now?

Hey, Ken, I heard that

you have a big cock.

I don't know, Snoes, but I don't

think he liked my tattoo at all.

Sorry, Pascal, but Snoes is

a tiny bit drunk. What did you say?

Snoes, this is serious.

Is the tattoo too much?

He'll feel differently about it

tomorrow when he's sober.

Do you think so?

- Yes.

I'm going to get some more champagne.

- Bye.

I love you, I lost you, I am lost...

this is the last bottle,

but I'll drink some more.

I don't care if everybody

hears about it...

I want to drink

and I'll drink till I'm sloshed.

Hey, Ken, you go to Snoes'

hair-dressing school, don't you?

Well, yes, I teach there actually.

- I see. And you make her wet do you?

Yes, like a sponge.

You know what I'd like to do with you?

- No, I don't think I do.

Have you ever done it

with a man, Ken? A real man?

No, fortunately not.

Do you know that sex scene in

Last Tango In Paris? With the butter?

Yes... no, sorry. I'm off.

- Bye-bye, Ken.

Sh*t. Damn it, Ken, this is a

very expensive dress. F***...

Oh, shut up, you bare beaver.

- Damn it.

It just winds you up, don't you think?

- Shall we go soon?

I'll see you downstairs.

- OK. See you.

Damn, damn, damn.

Here, let me

give you a hand, honey.

I don't know if it'll come out.

Do you know that you're

a very beautiful woman?

Thank you.

- Have you ever kissed a woman before?

Shall we go downstairs?

Together, you and I?

Keep your grubby hands

off my champagne, man.

Hey, hey, hey...

I'll see you in a minute, OK?

What's got into you

all of a sudden? Hey, stop it.

What is it? Hey, you don't know this

yet, but tomorrow... Give that here.

I'm auditioning tomorrow.

- Fantastic.

I have to dress like a woman

and you're going to help me.

Here, I'm going to

take a look upstairs.

Are you enjoying yourself?

- Yes.

Good.

- It's a great party.

Bastard.

Darling...

Hang on a minute.

- What are you playing at?

What are you playing at?

- Sorry, I couldn't stop myself.

You're vile.

- Darling...

Ladies and gentlemen, I just caught

this bastard kissing someone else.

Pascal, please, not here.

- In our own house, damn it.

Don't touch me. Go and

touch that horny queen.

Not here.

Sorry, everyone, he's drunk.

Here, damn it. So that everyone knows

you've cheated on me a second time.

Calm down.

- Mind your own business.

As if you're so perfect.

You act as if I'm your property.

You suffocate me. You even have

my name tattooed on your belly.

Because I love you, you arsehole.

Your pathological jealousy is

driving me crazy. I can't breathe.

It's love, Max. Love, and not ditto.

I've really had enough of you.

- Well, bugger off then.

And take that b*tch with you.

- OK.

I'm sorry, everybody.

Well, you now all know

how much we love each other...

have some more champagne

and enjoy the party. I'm off to bed.

Pascal, you can't just

let him go like this.

Do something, you fool.

Hello, Roderick,

this is Pascal Verlinde.

Hello.

- You remember me, don't you?

Of course.

You're a nice guy, so I thought you

might like to come over for coffee?

Now?

- Yes, now.

OK, I will.

I'll give you my address,

but keep it to yourself.

OK.

- 33, Kennedylaan, apartment 9.

See you in a minute.

Jesus Christ, this is so disgusting.

- Pansy.

One more remark like that, Nol,

and I'll kick you out. Got it?

Why don't you do that?

Your boyfriend would be pleased.

Roderick? I'll open the gate.

Listen, there's someone

coming up who I'm going to f***...

so make yourself scarce.

- Why?

Because I say so. And leave

my things alone. Get out of here.

My goodness, I do find

all this rather special.

Being invited to the home

of a soap actor...

Yes, very special. A soap actor

without the love of his life.

You know what? I don't

fancy f***ing you after all.

You know what? I will f*** you.

Then you can tell all your friends

you've had it off with a soap actor.

Would you like a drink?

- A soft drink, please.

Why don't you have a cola?

But first I want you to give me

a blow job with this in your mouth.

And don't swallow.

Damn it, Nol, piss off.

Who's that?

- No one, no one. Piss off.

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