Gayby Page #5

Jamie, you have to

hold this for a minute.

But you peed on that thing.

That's not the side I peed on.

But still... Yuck.

What is with

these ridiculous chairs?.

We just taught a kids' class.

Please just don't say kids

to me right now.

Why?. What's wrong?.

- There's a problem with Sadie.

- Who's Sadie?.

The child I'm adopting.

Come on, keep up here.

Wait, I thought

her name was Folasade.

Yeah, I don't like that.

It sounds like Folic acid.

Why?. Sade for short is so cute.

I did give it some thought.

Sadie is close

enough to her birth name.

Yeah, right.

Where did you just go?.

In your head?.

Oh, nowhere.

You just reminded me that

I needed to get vitamins.

My adoption might

be falling apart,

and you're worried about

your shopping list.

I'm sorry.

They told you it was gonna

be a long, drawn out process.

But you know it's gonna happen.

I know.

I just can't take

much more of this.

I really want her

to be here, now.

I'm ready to mother.

Look I got this great book

so that we'll be ready

when she starts

to ask questions.

She's a year old.

What questions

is she going to ask?.

We need to be sensitive

about the issues that arise

when Americans adopt

children from other cultures.

So I should let her grow up in

an orphanage to avoid issues?.

- That's not what I meant.

- I know what you meant.

I'm white, she's black,

so I'm gonna need you

to come over

and explain it to her.

I can't wait. You can teach her

about hip-hop and civil rights.

Did you just come here to argue?.

No.

You're going on a date with

my friend Peter next Thursday.

You'll love it.

He's been to Africa,

multiple times.

I don't know.

Do not say no to me today.

Fine. I'll go.

And don't waste money

on extra vitamins.

Just one good multi is enough.

You only need

to take Folic Acid

if you're trying

to get pregnant.

Right, right...

You just went somewhere again.

Did something happen?.

No, no.

It's just all this talk

about Fola-- Sadie,

makes me want

to have a baby too.

- You're so competitive.

- Shut up.

Well, when the time comes

you'll go see my fertility guy.

He's the best in the city.

Even though he didn't do

a goddamn thing for me.

I should get back to work.

I love you.

It's all gonna work out.

It better...

Or I will start drinking again.

Okay, give me that back.

I'm pretty sure that is

the side I peed on.

- Gross. And it's a no, girl.

- Damn.

More gay sex for you.

Should I go to my sister's

horrible Upper East Side doctor?.

No.

But l, in fact, have an

amazing gynecologist.

- What?. Why?.

- Well, no not like that.

I mean he does inspect

my vagina regularly,

but only in the bedroom.

Skipping that for now...

You know I hate

Western medicine.

Jenn, you are not doing that.

You're going to my doctor

who practices an

Eastern-Western mix.

So does mine...

in bed.

Valerie, what happened in there?.

You can't just eat kale.

Do you think

all these are necessary?.

We'll tweak anything

that we need to,

but call me if there are any

unpleasant side effects.

Okay.

How's the sex?.

Oh, you know, it was

really awkward at first,

but now that we got

the hang of it, it's fine.

Only fine?.

Oh, he's my best friend.

We're only having sex

to get pregnant.

As if men need an excuse

to have intercourse.

Right.

He's gay though.

Oh.

Let me give you something.

I make a loose leaf tea

with extra horny goat weed.

What's that?.

It's a weed that goats eat

that makes them horny.

It has the loveliest of tastes.

And it helps

increase the sex drive.

Getting pregnant can take time,

and we don't want you

to get tired of having sex.

Is there anything to

increase my bust size?.

Yes...

Getting pregnant.

Oh, I like you.

You're funny.

Yes.

So you just stick to that list.

But apart from that,

you just relax.

Meditate, be peaceful.

Do yoga.

That's what I do.

I teach Bikram.

Oh, I don't like that.

It's too hot.

Well, do you think the heat

will be bad for the baby?.

No. Since Lilith,

women have been giving birth

in the harshest of extremes.

You're gonna be fine.

I can see that.

Who's Lilith?.

Gross! Jenn, what is this?.

Don't drink that!

That's my fertility tea.

Well, it's nasty.

What the hell's in it?.

It's horny goat weed

and some other herbs.

What is this?. Rosemary's Baby?.

Are you sure

it's okay to drink that?.

My fertility guru

gave it to me.

She's amazing.

I love her.

It's so delicious.

I love this tea.

I've already had three cups.

There's a male version.

You want me to get you some?.

That's okay, I don't

need any horny goat help.

- I gotta go to work.

- Okay, bye!

Go, go, lock it, lock it,

lock up that left knee,

and easily pump it out.

Yes! Can we do this?.

Yeah! Loosen it up.

Make a circle.

Who's got a circle in them?.

You do! Make the circle.

Make it, okay, let it go.

Hoo! Shake it out.

Right into tree!

And to the right...

To the left...

and oh, get your asses

into it, huh?.

Little bit of trunk in the--

Yes!

You know what?.

Imagine you're in a club, huh?.

Feel the bass...

Feel the bass in that club?.

Feel the bass

in that club?.

That's right.

Shake it out,

shake it out, let it go.

Let it...

That is class, ladies!

That is class!

Very nice job!

Well done!

Nice, ladies!

Class was really

different today.

I know, but it was

a good change.

Right?. We should

change it up more often.

Wasn't it great?.

It was just...

really different.

- Yeah.

- I was into it.

I felt the bass.

You two are just so inspiring.

You notice

the differences in life.

Yeah, thanks.

I want you to leave

class remembering that.

I'm just gonna

swim on out of here.

Over to here.

It feels good in here.

It feels good in here.

Feels good in here...

Oh, my girl.

A dance break! Yes!

?

Go.

And then I started a non-profit

building schools in Africa.

Amazing.

Yeah, so I spend three months

of the year over there

and the rest

of the time I'm here,

hitting up my old co-workers

for guilt money.

[giggles]

That is so amay...

you are just amay-may.

What about you?.

What do you do?.

I teach Bikram

and a mix of other forms,

vinyasa flow and such.

Our studio's thing is that we do

a strict Bikram unofficially,

and a regular hot.

It's really rare.

Okay, that sounds nice.

And I'm proposing

some new classes

so this way I can stop having

to run errands for my boss.

Cool.

And...any other goals?.

I really want to get pregnant.

Great, great.

So you teach yoga,

you run errands,

and you really want

to get pregnant?.

Sure. Yeah.

Like, definitely this year.

But hopefully this month.

Great, wonderful.

I'm gonna go.

It was really nice meeting you.

I'm gonna pay

for the drinks, if that's okay.

You're leaving already?.

You're gonna go?.

Yeah.

I'm looking for

an adult relationship.

You seem like

a really nice girl;

I just don't have

the time to waste.

I totally get it.

The African children need you.

- Good luck.

- You too.

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