Gendarme et les extra-terrestres, Le (The Gendarme and the Creatures from Outer Space) Page #3

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bring up divorce again.

Shall we have dinner somewhere

out of the city? It will do you good.

Whatever you want, sweet darling.

It's great to take a break like this.

I'm so happy and relaxed.

Watch the road, though.

- I know it by heart.

I thought you knew it by heart.

I feel so young, so young.

I want to kiss you.

No, look ahead.

I know that trick. Is this to get me into

the bushes? After all those years?

I swear, darling...

- You're like a schoolboy.

It's touching and I'm flattered.

And we have time to go

for a little walk, actually.

It's good for the appetite.

- You're right.

We have to make the best of

these rare moments. Come on.

Do you remember the

first time I saw you?

You were driving like a maniac. Fast and

dangerous. I loved you from the start.

And you haven't changed a bit.

It's as if it was yesterday.

Yes, Ludovic.

Our love is the strongest.

And it has to remain

strong. And pure.

My little bird. - But when I

saw you with that other woman.

I thought she was an alien.

Even if they exist, forget about them.

Only think of us.

My dearest...

Jospha, I love you.

We have to run, Jospha. Come.

Go on board, Mr Cruchot.

Inside, Mr Cruchot.

- No.

Chief, are you there?

This can't be true.

Where are you?

- Here.

My darlings, I love you.

You're so sweet.

My dear little Tricard, Berlicot.

We have to take you.

- My pigeon, where are you?

In the woods, chief.

Are you making fun of me?

Come on, darling,

it's a misunderstanding.

No, we have nothing more to

say to each other. Call my lawyer.

It's between them and me. I have to

prove they exist or my wife leaves me.

I'm going away with my wife.

Cruchot, your wife was really upset.

It was touching.

You'll hear from me.

In the meantime, stay inside.

But they exist.

- You stay here.

Goodbye, gentlemen.

- Goodbye. Enjoy your meal.

Now I'm in command.

I'm the tallest.

I'm in command now.

- No, I'm the strongest.

No, me, because I'm the fattest.

I'm in charge, because

I have the chair.

Silent. Listen.

One of the girls dropped

this on the beach.

They're transmitting a code.

A salad for one and a makala for eight.

That comes from the Cabanon.

Makala is their specialty.

We're grounded.

- We can't leave here.

I'm in command now. Come on.

Follow me.

Those two aren't leaving.

Can I go?

Everything ok?

They're weird. All they eat is lettuce

and you know what they drink?

I know, thank you.

That way and act natural.

Don't you dare or

I make you disappear.

Forget what you saw.

Forget we were ever here.

Or else the whole city suffers

the same fate. Remember that.

Come on, go.

What are you doing here?

And in uniform?

I told you to stay inside.

- An emergency.

What was that?

- False alarm.

Just a silly joke.

- Go back then. I'm going to eat.

But wasn't it here?

- What, sergeant?

The restaurant, the Cabanon.

- There's nothing here.

What?

- There never was.

There always used to be

a restaurant here.

Never? I've been coming here for years.

- Never.

But I've been coming here for years.

I had dinner here two days ago.

I sat here.

I had ragout here. Exactly here.

I'm not crazy.

But I'm not crazy.

You're fooling me.

Someone's fooling me.

No, no. One sees aliens ands the other

one sees restaurants.

To the police station and quickly.

I'll find out what's happening here.

Mr Gerber...

You'll never believe what happened.

They stole my restaurant.

Where's the Cabanon?

- Stolen.

What times we live in.

But it's true. It's true.

We're going around in circles.

What if we... No, we can't.

Or...

- No, go back to sleep.

We'll get one. Then we find out what

their weak spot is.

Easier said than done.

- Especially when they're disguised.

We need to have a secret sign.

Like what?

- We'll wear our kepi Blriot style.

No...

Actually, what's inside this?

Everything ok.

You were right.

They exist. Look what's left of them.

Did you see it?

Totally rusted away.

Damn, that's it.

We've got them. They rust.

They rust. We've got them.

They rust.

How do we recognize them?

- The shower...

Have you all gone mad?

We received 142 complaints. 142.

Poor passers-by were

harassed. What kind of joke is that?

What kind of losers are you?

And put your kepi straight.

How dare you wear it

Lindbergh style?

How is this possible? What do you think,

mister civil servant?

And you, Bertier?

- Me too.

Ive had enough of this nonsense.

We look like total fools.

The aliens look like us. So we

have to take precautions.

And don't yell like that. We

know how to destroy them.

By spraying people?

How will you destroy them?

- They rust, colonel.

A bit of water,

and see what's left.

Not convinced, colonel?

- I'm stunned.

That's unbelievable.

Bring me one that works.

We're going to lure them.

- How?

Like a hunt.

With a decoy, with a fake saucer.

A fake saucer and there we go.

Go ahead. I'll cover you.

But it's your responsibility.

Isn't it?

I don't want any trouble.

Everything is ready.

- Let's go then.

That starlight is beautiful.

The closest star is Proxima

Centauri, around 4 light years away.

And 1500 to Deneb, close to

the Swan, which is even further.

That's the Great Bear.

That bright one there is Altair.

- And that's the Little Bear.

Oh, the Little Bear.

That's where they must be from.

- Silent.

And there they are.

That's you, sergeant.

- That's me.

That's you. That's us.

But I'm here.

But it's them.

We know what to do. Wait until

they're close before you attack.

Attack.

We're the last pillars of

civilisation. Let's go.

Retreat.

It's so crowded on the quay.

Back to serious work.

Get your booklets out.

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