Gendarme Et Les Gnedarmettes, Le (Never Play Clever Again)

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Don't you miss our old place,

Cruchot?

Times change, sergeant,

and we have to change with them.

Come in.

Can I borrow your vacuum cleaner?

- Of course, Germaine.

This place is quite roomy.

Thanks, Jospha.

It looks like a frightening monster,

but it's not.

In no time, this machine has

the answer to everything.

It knows even the most intimate

secrets of our fellow citizens.

Take Cruchot's file,

for instance.

Sergeant, with all due respect,

but I refuse.

It will all not be true.

Cruchot, Ludovic, Maryvonne.

Born on the 31st of July in Courbevoie.

Tendency towards hypocrisy

and schizophrenia.

Used to bite his friends as a child.

- Not at all.

Used to pull fly wings out.

- A dragonfly. Once.

Peed in bed until the age of 14.

Well, well, Cruchot...

Pee never. Only number two.

Not very democratic, is it?

- Clean the sergeant's desk.

We're all in.

Perlin, you stay here.

Blonde. 1.70 meters,

at first sight.

Chest size, hip size...

Her address...

Her phone number...

My data...

Can't we do things together?

Yes, at my parents' in Sweden.

Perlin, don't touch that. Come on.

Attention.

At ease. And gentlemen,

do you like the new place?

Very good, colonel, very good.

No problems with the computer?

It looks much more

complicated than it is.

I see you already tested it.

What's that filth?

- The machine.

Who dared?

I'll start an investigation.

- Never mind.

Anyway, you've already got

used to the machine.

We still have an obsolete model

at headquarters, ourselves.

From now on, only

use it professionally...

...and not for your

personal delusions.

Gentlemen, I have a

difficult task for you.

You're capable of treating

women courteously.

Don't disappoint me.

Four young, female assistants will

be trained by you.

We might be a bit short on space.

So we'll have to sit a bit closer.

They're staying with the sisters.

So, that's agreed.

When will they be coming?

With the 03.45 pm train in Hyres.

They'll have to work closely together

with you. But be careful.

Avoid any risks.

Mind their safety.

That's all, gentlemen.

Attention. Attention.

Don't pretend to be tough.

Remember who and where you are.

It's not a mixed school.

Remember that.

You're such a macho, chief.

- Four days on water and bread.

That will make you...

Can I go with you to the station?

- And me too?

Me neither?

- I said No.

Silence. Common courtesy says

the superior will go.

So, I'm going.

Can I join you, my dear sergeant?

- Brownnoser.

Yes, as driver.

You mind the store.

Gendarmes!

Let's go.

Ladies, welcome. Cruchot, the luggage.

We're staying in the Les Bleuets pension.

We're taking you to the gendarmerie.

And you'll stay with the nuns.

Excuse me, ladies, I'm late.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Cruchot, we're going back.

They were not our gendarmettes.

- Not at all.

You made me come here for nothing.

- You gave the order, sergeant.

What? Me?

- Yes, you.

Wait, no, it was me.

I remember now.

Faster.

Faster.

Give me the wheel.

Cups and saucers.

- Jam.

Sugar and tea.

Lemon.

Teaspoons and serviettes.

- Milk.

Petit fours.

- And the flowers.

Now what?

- They're here, sergeant.

In the waiting room.

- Stay here.

They're ruining it for us.

Sergeant Gerber. Welcome, ladies.

Chief Cruchot.

Kepi.

- Got it.

Take it off.

Christine Rocourt.

Marianne Bonnet.

Isabelle Leroy.

Yo Macumba.

How did you get here?

- We missed the train.

By plane and by cab.

Sit down. I arranged for

some refreshments.

That was all. Now go.

No, I'll do it.

Dear children, first of all I

want to put your minds at rest...

I hope our collaboration will

be productive and candid.

I'm receiving you very clearly, sergeant.

Here you go, sergeant.

Cruchot, hot. Hot, Cruchot.

Sit down. Sit down and make

yourself very small. Very small.

I hope we're not disturbing?

No, not at all.

We were just welcoming

our young interns.

It will be a lovely work experience.

Mrs. Cruchot.

And my wife, Mrs. Gerber.

The girls are staying with the sisters.

Shall we take them there

then, sergeant?

Of course. So you have time

off until tomorrow morning.

Be here at 7.

The keys... The keys of the...

The keys of the Mehari.

Come change your pants.

Rest well. After you, darling.

So, sweetheart... Been shopping?

I've got a sweater for you.

Enough Playboy style, I hope.

Try it on.

Can somebody drive us?

The keys.

Here are the keys.

Ready, girls?

Women in the gendarmerie.

And a black woman too.

Jospha, our civilization is

on its last legs.

Could be a new start for you.

No, darling. They'll never

get to see the man inside me.

For them, I'll only be their chief

Cruchot. Wait and see.

Don't exaggerate. Those girls were

forced on us.

That was an order and orders are

executed. End of discussion.

It's not an unpleasant

order, is it?

We'll wait and see what they're

worth on the job.

Look at what I do.

The car registration.

- But I didn't do anything wrong.

Open the boot.

I could see right away he was ok.

A matter of experience.

Can I try?

Hello, sir. A little check.

Can I see your registration?

My pleasure.

Thank you, that's all.

- Not even a tiny fine?

Prevention is better than repression.

Goodbye.

Didn't I do it well?

- I've got a little fly in my eye.

Show me.

- Maybe I should... Ah, yes.

Right. Yes, there it is.

Yes, that's a lot better.

Yes, a lot better.

Everything ok? Get lost, you.

There was a fly in my eye.

It's gone already, chief.

And?

- Let's go there.

Get lost, you.

Are you ill, old man?

I'll give you 5 minutes exactly

to get out of town.

Get on, we'll get them out of here.

- Damn, my motorbike.

Are you ok?

Christine...

Come, come. Wait.

You have beautiful eyes.

Need a hand, Perlin?

- We shook of the gang.

No, chief, no.

- To the car. To the car.

Come closer, darlings.

Come closer.

Spying on half naked creatures.

You disappoint me, Mr. Cruchot.

You're mistaken. My men are

out of line with our girls.

Aren't you out of line yourself?

You're possessed by the devil.

- I'm surveying.

Honestly?

Yes, look for yourself.

Do you see filthy Beaupied

with the black woman?

She's a real black.

You see them?

- No, nothing.

Wait. No, they're not there anymore.

They're gone.

Were here.

- You were there.

We just arrived, chief.

- Exactly.

It's the sun, chief.

Get a hold. And remember: if you

lie to us, you lie to God.

Come on, sister Thrse.

I'll get you.

You took her paddling, didn't you?

What are you talking about?

- Yes, paddling.

What's that?

- Sweat, chief. You're terrorizing us.

What a terrible head.

We're going back. Follow me.

Now you. Authoritative look,

curt manner...

...and smooth transitions. Go on.

That's bit stiff. Wait.

Again, from the start.

Chief, what's happening?

Did you do all that?

They're looking at me instead

of the signs.

Why would that be, chief?

Attention. Get out of here.

Well, I'm buggered.

I can't even go dancing anymore.

That Cruchot is really trying to kill us.

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