Gentlemen Broncos Page #2
Here is a detail of the ruptured moon crust
'"Must rupture the moon crust, '"
she's thinking
This is a piece that came to me in a dream
when I was 11
I call it Migration,
and it depicts a fleet of harpies
synchronizing their mammary cannons
to create laser-rain
A hard rain's gonna fall
And finally we have a youngling
trying to penetrate
You won't do it like that, youngling
You must use friendship
Thank you
For the first time ever,
it is my privilege to announce
Prism Publishing will be hosting a contest
for the best work submitted at this festival
It will be judged by a panel
of industry professionals,
including myself,
and the winner will receive
a 1,000-copy release of their work
at selected bookstores nationwide
In addition, I will personally
create an original piece of cover art
to accompany the winning story
May the glistening chrome of
the Borg Queen shed her light upon us all
Amen
I'm assuming that most of you are here
for two main reasons.
Alpha, you love to write fantasy fiction,
and beta, the character names
in your stories are suffering.
We're going to begin with a little game
which will demonstrate a theory of mine
known as "The Power of the Suffix."
You. Give me the name
of one of the protagonists in your fantasies.
Nebuchadnezzar.
Oh, boy.
Very original.
I've heard that one before.
But don't worry, need thou not be afraid,
for we can turn a humdrum,
forgettable name like Nebuchadnezzar
into something magical like this...
Nebucoronius.
And it's that easy.
We can add "onius," "ainous," or "anous"
to just about anything,
and it becomes magical.
You. Give me the name
of one of your central protags.
Bronco.
What is he, a centaur?
No.
Does he shape-shift into equine form ever?
No, he's just a man.
Well, then, I would...
I would lose the "C" immediately,
and I'd replace it with an "L." Bronlonius.
And if he's part of a traveling clan,
his clansfellow could call him
Bronlo for short,
except on formal occasions.
Yes?
What about names found in troll colonies?
In troll colonies,
well, that's a different matter.
Give me an example.
One of my trolls is named Teacup.
I don't like it.
I would go with Trojainous every time.
Yes?
But I still like the name Teacup better.
It's not a...
It's not a question of liking it better,
it's just I'm, as an author,
picturing myself as a troll mother.
I have just given birth
They're covered in placentae,
pawing at my many teats
for the vital, life-giving colostrum.
I'm not thinking, "Hmm, Teacup," am I?
It's just not believable.
And if I don't believe it,
the reader doesn't believe it.
Trojainous. Troka Kahn. Trody.
Names in this vein.
If female, Trojana.
Yes?
I thought trolls were supposed
to be named after resources, like trees.
Are you telling me
You do realize I am the author of Troll, Ho
Because it all boils down to species.
Are they tree-dwellers,
bridge-dwellers, subterranean?
A troll wouldn't come up
with a name like Teacup, a little girl would.
Trojainous.
How was the workshop?
I don't know.
Chevalier seems kind of full of himself.
He's kind of lame.
Really? I think he's gorgeous.
He's not gonna like my story,
the names are all wrong.
Oh, I don't think so.
What do you mean?
Well, I thought your story was really good.
Really?
I thought you didn't like it.
Last night you seemed offended.
No. I... I actually thought
it was kind of amazing.
What inspired it?
I wanted to write a story for my dad.
He kind of died when I was young.
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.
He was real brave.
He was a game warden, an explorer.
I see. So Bronco is kind of like your dad,
and his gonads are his seed,
which means the gonads are you.
That's why they're so precious.
Well, you know, like all great writers,
you're gonna have to go through
a lot of crap,
but someday your junk will be seen by all,
and it will be awesome.
Thanks, Tabatha.
Chevalier.
Ronald, how's
the conference going Any contenders?
Well, let me read you a passage
from what I'm reading right now.
"Pierre used to be a jockey in college.
"He loves to have rice pudding with his tea.
"He loves solving animal murders.
"Pierre has two horses,
Jacques and Paris France, both girls.
"looking for mysterious things.
"He rides Jacques for pleasure."
Merve, never make me do
another one of these things again.
These kids are a joke.
Ronald, as your publisher,
it's not a bad idea to get in touch
with your audience once in a while
All right.
Listen, Merve, did you have a chance
to look at the Sandcastle Diaries yet?
Ronald, I'll cut to the chase It's horrible
We can't publish it It won't sell
Unless you can give us something
worth taking to print,
we're just gonna have to let you go
Merve, Merve, wait.
Moon Fetus
A fetus is found on a moon base.
That's the premise.
I'll talk to you later
Bronco cried out in pain
as he sat on the shore of Goose Lake,
trying to sew his junk back on
- Excuse me.
- What?
Is this your pudding?
What do you want?
Hey!
That was my backup nad.
I'm sorry.
Was it a fancy pudding?
I know who you are.
Say what?
and were victorious in the Battle of Shiroh.
I was but a child then,
maybe you don't remember.
When your father died
at the hands of Daysius,
your mother wept so hard
that her milk dried.
To keep you alive,
we shared suckle at my mother's breast.
Vanaya?
- It is I.
- I don't believe that.
My family is dead.
My brother and I have been forced
to work in the yeast factories
ever since the epidemic.
- You have a brother?
- Yes.
His name is Kanaya.
He doesn't speak.
But he's very handy
with powders and gizmos and such.
He can build anything.
What y'all... What y'all want from me?
Let us come with you.
Together, we can destroy
Lord Daysius once and for all.
We shall begin a new yeast colony,
just like when we were children.
Well, that's my dream,
but there's only one problem.
They got my reproductives, Vanaya.
Daysius is gonna build himself an army
using my seed.
I can't let that happen.
His power's become unruly.
You know how weird that'd be,
a bunch of gorgeous yeast lords
with my face, running around,
making dang fools of themselves?
I'm sorry, Vanaya, I have to do this alone.
You and Kanaya would just be dead weight,
big time.
Gotta cut bait on this deal.
Krolaxx, come on. Come on, Krolaxx.
We know where
Daysius is hiding your yeast, Bronco.
Yeah, right.
I can smell a cache
It's being held in
a mountain fortress just north of here.
I can show you.
Kanaya and I just escaped
If you don't believe me, smell my breath.
Tastes like homemade licorice.
Take me there.
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"Gentlemen Broncos" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 4 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/gentlemen_broncos_8853>.
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