Get Hard Page #10

- I'm Mayo. It's my gang name.

It's short for "Mayonnaise"

on account of my skin color.

I came up with that.

- Okay, you wanna go then?

- What?

- You wanna go?

- What are you doing?

Putting fingerprints on your gun. If you

go to jail, I'm going to jail with you.

So before you out there and make a stupid-ass

decision, why don't you think about that?

There you go.

That's it? My fingerprints

are off that easy?

Pretty much. Good as new.

Let's roll, Mayo.

James, you got a choice right now. You got

the right path, you got the wrong path.

Make the right decision, James.

Follow your heart, man.

James, you gotta trust me on this one.

Oh, my God! I almost did it!

I almost killed a man!

And I was gonna use this gun.

James, put that away, man! Stop!

- What is your problem?

- I don't know.

They were just encouraging me...

...and they were high-fiving me.

They're passing me this sticky icky.

And between the pot and the hos...

...it was just an ambrosia

of primal sensations.

And for one brief moment,

I knew what my purpose was.

- Okay, okay.

- Not to mention Russell.

He's so charismatic. Real natural leader.

Reminds me of a young Ronald Reagan.

Hey...

Thank you for coming back for me.

Thanks for not doing nothing stupid, man.

Let's get out of here.

All right, so listen to this.

I figured out that the residue

on Martin's car was saltwater.

Then I remembered the mileage. I used to take

a picture of the odometer all the time...

- ...to keep people from accusing me of joyriding.

- People do that? That's awful.

Yeah, you did it like three times. You tried to

get me fired, but thought my name was Andre.

Anyway, Martin used to drive

the same exact seven miles every day.

But last week,

he started driving 56 miles every day.

Fifty-six! So, what I did was,

I checked the map.

Turns out that's the exact distance

of a round-trip to San Pedro.

Saltwater, ocean, San Pedro.

I just gotta figure out why he's going to San

Pedro. That's the only thing I don't know.

His yacht.

It's docked at the port.

- F***er's got a yacht?

- Mm-hm. And an island in Cape Verde...

- ...where there are no extradition laws.

- F***er's got a yacht and a island, James?

F***ing working for a villain

in a James Bond movie!

He's gonna make a run for it.

Not if Mayo can stop him.

Mayo and Chocolat.

- "Chocolat"?

- Chocolat.

- Is that supposed to be my nickname?

- That's your nickname.

I'll do better. We have the whole car ride.

Mayo and Coffee.

Mayo and Fudge.

I don't want one. Just call

me Darnell. JAMES: Hit it, Fudge!

There it is. There's his boat.

The Sea Note.

The Sea Note? What a dick.

Come on.

Get down, James. You gotta get down.

- Are those guards?

- I think so.

- There's a lot of them.

- Yeah.

There's the computer.

I see it.

James, you gotta get low!

Oh, no. They're getting ready

to leave. - Sh*t. We gotta jump.

All right.

- Get off my hand!

- Sorry, I'm nervous.

Let's go!

Darnell! I made it!

Let go of my face!

- That's all you, James. All you, James!

- Aah!

Okay. Come on, this way.

There it is.

Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

Oh, sh*t!

Get off! Get off!

Get off.

Dammit.

This is the end, guys.

You going down.

That's great.

I spend my whole life in Crenshaw...

...and now I'm about to get killed

by some white guy from Beverly Hills?

- On a yacht!

- I'm so sorry.

Hand over the computer, James.

Come on.

Just can't get it through your head?

Guys like you will always be the fall guy

because you're weak.

Are you okay?

James? James. No. James, please.

Goddamn, James.

Please, please, James.

I sentence you to 10 years

in a maximum security prison.

You about to get this:

Oh, they be f***ing in San Quentin.

- In this house?

- Mouth full of balls.

- Come back, Mayo.

- Take it all.

When life puts a dick in your mouth,

you make dickade.

Go suck a dick.

Your capoeira's strong!

Now you must bring your power

into the world.

What? James. What are you doing?

I've been pushed around for too long.

Now it is time. I can feel it.

- Time for what, James?

- Protect the computer!

Sh*t! I don't want the computer!

Bno kick!

Oh, God!

Oh, sh*t!

Leave me alone! Stop! No!

James! James!

All right, get down there. Come on.

Mayo and Chocolat, motherfuckers!

Aah! James, you mean to tell me

you could do this sh*t the whole time?

Capoeira must never be used

unless capoeira is required.

Let's go.

Motherfuckers!

Okay! Okay!

Come here!

That's what we do!

Mother...! Get off!

James.

Do like we used to do in the yard.

Yeah! You got it, James.

F*** yeah, James. Get his ass, James.

God.

I got the computer.

- Lifeboat. Come on.

- All right.

Hey, that capoeira sh*t was amazing.

But you learned some of that sh*t

from me too. Right, James?

James. What's going on here?

What the hell did you do to my boat?

Man, f*** this boat!

We taking the evidence that you framed

your son-in-law with, sick son of a b*tch.

How could you do this to me, Martin?

Ten years in prison?

James, you realize

that I didn't mean to hurt you.

I'm very fond of you,

but Himalayan Tiger tanked...

...and I had to get the money from somewhere.

I had no choice. It was you or me.

That sounds like a choice!

James, f*** him. We're leaving.

And next time you wanna store

some fraud sh*t, get an iPad.

Come on, James.

- Oh, my damn.

- Alissa.

- James. Daddy, what's he doing here?

- It's fine, honey.

Uh, James.

I have a wonderful idea.

Why don't you come with us?

We'll start a whole new life in Cape Verde

and nobody has to go to prison.

Don't you want...

...a big, big island?

- Were you in on this?

- No, not at first.

And when he told me about it,

I was really mad at him.

But then he explained how he was able

to hide most of the money...

...so, really, there's no harm done.

James, now there's still time

to get everything you want.

Everything.

No! I don't want any of it.

- And you got a white girl's ass.

- Ah!

Thattaboy. Hey, James, do you wanna

switch off, man? I got nothing left up top.

Quick, throw it in the Zodiac. - Right.

Then we can get the f*** out of here.

- Sh*t! Goddamn it!

- Aah!

I am genuinely sorry it

had to end this way.

When we clear the breakwater, shoot them.

You ain't got to do this, man.

You ain't got to do this.

Well, Dad, looks like you thought

of everything, didn't you?

You were always one step ahead of me.

Except you forgot one little detail.

Where'd that come from?

First rule in prison pat-downs:

Always check the anus.

Someone learned how to keister.

- Ew.

- That's right. Nuts and butts.

You point? Okay.

That's how you wanna do it?

You point at him. I'll point at Martin.

Either way. So if I die, Martin's going.

So you figure it out.

Shoot me, Martin gets shot.

Ball's in your court, Gayle.

- Alissa?

- Shoot her.

Shoot her.

You need to shoot that b*tch anyway.

You're not gonna shoot me.

You're wasting time.

Police'll be here any second.

That's right.

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