Getting Schooled

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Well hello, little lady.

Lemme guess.

Detention, right?

Yeah. Totally bogus.

Um...

I've-I've gotta pee

really bad.

Kids today.

I used to love detention.

Pick up chicks.

Some of them had to pee also.

Someone stayed up too late

watching MTV.

I got places to be.

Not.

Like where?

Take a bath?

Hold that, Princess.

Stop it, stop it, stop it!

Ouch! Gag me!

Oh, my god.

Who's that, y'all?

Who are you?

Call me Mr. Roker, tough guy.

Everybody sit.

Boy, girl, boy, girl.

And girl.

Close the door.

Mike swank?

Yeah?

Just say "here", meathead.

Here.

Hillary Miller.

As if!

Here.

Rusty Boone?

Yo.

- Shelly Hinson.

- Here, sir.

Julie Moore.

Aren't we a fine looking bunch?

From the looks of you, I imagine

you already know the rules.

No talking,

keep to yourselves,

and no one, and I mean no one,

leaves this room

without my permission.

I can do this

standing on my head, man.

Don't make me

have you prove it, son.

You ladies enjoy...

and I'll be back in a bit

to check on you.

How's it going, Princess?

Ugh, gross me out!

Why don't you just

leave her alone?

Mm-hmm.

That's what I thought.

Because you don't mess

with the bionic man.

Loser.

Retard.

Dork.

Homo.

Ooh.

Bet she'd do me if I put her

in the school play.

What's this world comin' to?

So what's your story, Princess?

Story?

Yeah... like, your story.

I think the burnout means

why are you here?

I'll tell you mine

if everyone else tells theirs.

Come on.

What's your damage?

Maybe I don't like handing out

my dirty laundry to strangers.

Aw, come on,

we're all friends

here in detention.

Yeah, just like

a championship team.

Come on,

as if it's that personal.

Get real.

Okay.

You go first.

Okay, so, me

and my gal pal Brittany

were, like, totally

going to Blaze out of class

and stand in line

for R.E.O. Speedwagon tickets...

Flamers!

Uh, r.E.O. Is totally proper!

Anyway...

We got busted by that science

guy pulling out of the lot.

Totally lame-o.

Can you relate?

I can relate to what boner

smokers those guys are.

R.E.O. Homowagon.

What about you, four-eyes?

My name is Shelly.

- Ooh.

- Okay.

Let's just say

I had a little run-in

with someone who was...

Touching my property.

Property?

Like, they touched you

where you pee?

Sorry.

Don't have a heart attack.

Will you just let her talk?

What was it?

My Rubik's cube.

Whoa! Those are so...

zeeked.

Huh?

Bunk?

Ill? Mung?

Uncool.

Not more uncool

than R.E.O. Whateverwagon.

Wait.

So you raged on some scumbag

for touching your blocks?

It's Hillary, right?

Mm-hmm.

Go shut the door.

Ugh!

Where'd you go?

Get your tires rotated?

Stupid.

So you're

a real go-getter, huh?

You gonna roll me

over to the office, Mr. Roboto?

No...

but I am gonna roll

all over you.

Shut up, Geekette!

Don't you people

have anything better to do

on a Saturday morning

than sit here with a cripple?

Don't you have friends?

The freak doesn't.

Meet the only friend

I need, Jocko.

Bring me the knife, Mr. Boone.

Why don't you come over here

and get it?

Ugh.

I hope you brought a spare tire.

Seeing that you all have

an obvious learning disability,

I'll write the rules

on the board.

Oh!

It hit him right in the face!

Yes!

Dumbass.

- Oh, my god.

- Mister?

Mr. Roker, are you okay?

Mister?

Oh, sh*t.

Is he breathing?

Mr. Roker?

Sh*t.

I think I hear him breathing.

It's actually

more of a wheeze than...

Sh*t!

- Sh...

- You tried to kill me!

You gook bastards!

No!

Let him go! No!

Killer!

Damnit, I'm not touching him!

Rusty!

Let him go!

She just hit him!

Thanks a lot, Bimbette.

I don't wanna touch you, dweeb!

We got trouble.

He's got trouble for sure.

You think they're

gonna believe us,

or a teacher in a wheelchair?

They?

What do you mean by they?

Police. Parents. Society?

We just assaulted a teacher

as far as they're concerned.

He said we tried to kill him.

No, you assaulted the teacher.

You tried to kill him!

And we watched, a**hole!

It's called being

an ass-cessory, joystick.

I'm not gonna get busted

for this.

This is hellacious.

My dad... will kill me for real

if this messes with me

starting the next game.

Don't have a cow.

Let's tie him up.

What?

What? We can talk to him

when he catches snap.

Uh...

He tried to friggin' kill me.

It's a fantastic idea.

Where are we gonna

get rope from?

Fine, okay...

Yeah.

They're boys,

they can do the rope stuff.

I don't... it's not...

I'm just the idea person.

Well, I was a girl scout.

Let's go Jocko, get some rope.

So...

What do we do now?

Wait until he wakes up.

Reason with him.

Did you hear that major

crazy sh*t he was talking?

Man, we're all in more trouble

than I wanna even think about.

Hell, I'm not even

supposed to be here.

I'm the good kid.

I ought to be home

working on my science project.

Uh, just say no.

I should be out

buying my prom dress.

Instead I'm stuck here

with you posers.

Can it, miss America.

Everybody had something better

to do today.

I could be out busting heads

on the field.

I could be home right now.

What would you be doing?

Crimes.

What was he yelling about,

anyway?

Probably gibberish.

I think part of it

was Vietnamese.

How the hell would you know?

Uh, whatever.

What's he doing

in that wheelchair anyway?

Ladies! Come on!

We need to figure out

what to do before he wakes up.

Uh... too late.

Uh... hi.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

It's just that...

Do you remember what happened?

Shelly's gonna take a look

at you.

I don't want to.

Do it...

or I'll call the police myself.

Okay, don't have a cow.

Just give me two seconds.

What the hell are you doing?

Hey!

Hey!

Just go!

Shelly!

I'm gathering my chi.

If I watch this

am I gonna be a flamer?

Yeah.

F***in' do it already!

- Okay.

- Come on! Do it!

It's a little bruised.

You have to press around it.

Gag me.

Do you wanna do it?

Are you okay?

It hurts further back.

Be careful.

Further back.

Oh, barf me out!

What is wrong with you?!

Gross!

You're a dick, man!

- He bit me!

- You're in time out, speed racer.

Get the door. Move!

Come on!

It's like shark teeth.

God, you're heavy.

Shut up!

Stupid kids.

Ah, ouch.

It hurts.

Okay.

So now we add taking a hostage

to the list of offenses.

Oh, it's "we" now?

Yes, we.

We...

Let's just figure this out!

I've been thinking about this.

Oh, here we go.

The men are talking.

We need to make sure

no one gets in here

until we figure this sh*t out.

We need to call the police.

We are totally innocent.

They're not gonna believe us!

At least not until Mr. Roboto

comes to his senses.

What's your big idea, then?

We gotta lock down the school.

Lock it down?

No one can see him.

He's in the closet.

What if somebody walks in

and he starts shouting?

What then, huh?

I can't believe this, but...

I agree with a kid

that wears a leather jacket.

Any volunteers?

- Mm-mm.

- All right. Jocko, I guess we...

Uh... I'll take Julie with me.

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