Ghost Team One

All right.

- Is that good?

- Perfect.

- You got it? All right.

- Perfect.

- Nice! Nice.

- It's a good angle, huh?

- All right, here we go. You ready?

- Yes, sir.

Here we go. Three, two, one.

Hey, guys, what's up? My name is

Sergio and this is my roommate, Brad.

Yo!

And we have reason

to believe there's a ghost in this house.

100% haunted.

All right.

We set up cameras in all of the rooms...

Every single room's got a camera.

All right, buddy, I don't need you to...

I don't need you

to reiterate everything that I say.

I'm just backing you up.

No, I understand that,

but I feel like I'm confident enough

that I can do an intro

without you jumping in.

Why don't you give me

something to say then?

We've installed a camera in every room.

This is gonna be f***ing great!

Hey! Like a pimp!

Holy sh*t! That's happening.

That's happening right now.

Hey! So what's up, buddy? High five.

Let her know!

Why don't you ever do that to me, Brad?

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Drink that Bud! Drink that Bud!

I'm going in, guys. Wish me luck.

- I'm not leaving, but...

- Okay.

- I mean, I'm gonna see my friends.

- Yeah, that's cool.

But if I go, then I go, but...

Okay, it was very nice...

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

Sh*t.

- You didn't even get her name.

- Hold on.

No, you didn't get her name.

- Don't make one up.

- Hold on, it rhymes with...

- Don't make one up.

- It rhymes with...

- Are you ready? You ready?

- I'm ready.

- Are you ready?

- I'm ready.

- Three, two, one, go!

- Go!

A**hole! A**hole! A**hole! A**hole!

There he goes!

What the...

Guys, come on.

There's only one rule,

don't f*** in people's rooms.

Guys...

Stop f***ing in the closet.

Stop f***ing in the closet, guys.

What the f***?

Oh, my God.

I think I'm really too drunk for this sh*t.

I'm okay.

All right.

What the f***?

Seriously. What?

Are you guys hiding in the f***ing bed?

Under? Get out.

Oh, my God.

Hey, Sergio.

Oh, God!

What the f***? What the f***?

What the f***!

Who is it? Who is it?

It's f***ing Brad, bro.

What do you mean "Who is it?"

- You pissed yourself.

- I didn't piss myself.

- Did you see something out there?

- No, I saw...

What are you talking about?

I gotta take a sh*t, okay?

- I'm gonna take a sh*t right now.

- Please, don't take a sh*t.

Are you gonna stay in here

or are you gonna get out?

Brad, please don't take a sh*t right now.

You what?

I don't know, I can't...

Bro, what... Calm down.

So you don't see

a f***ing ghost out there?

Stop laughing, please.

I'm gonna get up, and I'm gonna

f***ing point my ass at you,

and you're gonna get out.

- Get a hold of yourself.

- Shut the f*** then. Shut it up.

- F***ing shut up. Just, f***...

- Yeah.

Smell it.

This is what happens

when you pass out, Sergio.

I f*** with your sh*t.

Yeah, Sergio.

Yeah, you like that, Serge?

You like that in your camera?

A ghost! Oh, my God, there's a ghost!

Oh, my God!

I'm faster than light.

Hey...

Wake up. Not you. Stay asleep.

- Sergio.

- What?

Are you crying?

- I'm not crying.

- What's wrong with you?

Just leave me alone, dude.

If you're gonna...

- How drunk are you?

- Now is not the time.

- Are you shitfaced?

- Get out.

Sh*t.

Did you hear that, Serge?

I don't know if it was your ghost

or not, but it might have been.

Hey.

- Oh, my God.

- How are you?

- I'm great. How are you?

- Good.

What are you doing over there?

Some extracurricular activities?

I'm just tired and I have to drive.

Do you mind if I do some of that up

in there, and then there?

Yeah. What's your name?

Brad. Let me introduce myself

real quick. Hold on.

- Hi, I'm Brad.

- Nice to meet you.

- What's your name?

- Fernanda.

Fernanda. It's a pleasure.

Sergio, wake up.

- Holy sh*t!

- Hey.

- Hi!

- I told you I heard something, dick.

Fernanda, this is Sergio.

- I know. We met.

- Yeah, yeah, we met earlier.

- You've met?

- For a second.

- For a second.

- Hi, I'm Becky.

- That's my friend.

- Hi, I'm Fernanda.

- Nice to meet you.

- That's my friend, Becky.

- Okay.

- She hangs out.

Anyways, Serge,

why don't you tell Fernanda

about the little ghost you saw?

Don't be an a**hole.

- You saw a ghost?

- He saw a ghost.

Yeah, a f***ing Asian chick ghost.

F***ing topknot with

some big old titties.

She looked like Chun-Li

from Street Fighter.

Right? Right, Serge?

She looked like f***ing Chun-Li.

Are you serious?

No, did you really see a ghost?

Did you caught it on your video camera?

Well, I mean, I did have the helmet

on when I felt something.

I just... I'm not sure what it was.

But was it like an electronic

pulse or a digital distortion?

What do you think?

I mean, I guess I'd have to download it.

I'm sure you can check it out anytime.

- I love ghosts. Like, I mean...

- You what?

I'm serious. I'm...

- Wait, you're serious, Fernanda?

- What's wrong with her?

I think you should

join our team, you know.

Actually, I'm producing

this project right now.

We're like, shooting,

getting a whole bunch of footage

on what's going on

with these, you know, ghosts and stuff.

What are you doing, Brad?

We're shooting a documentary.

- Who is shooting a documentary?

- Me and Sergio.

Remember I told you about

that... That day...

That thing that

we're doing, the other time?

- No, I don't remember.

- Right, Serge?

Yeah, we're working on a movie

and we would appreciate your insight

into this whole ghost thing.

So just, you know,

if you wanna come over anytime,

you could totally help us out.

I mean, I'm in.

- Yeah, I would love that. Yeah.

- Wow, all right.

Yeah, so, thank you so much.

It was amazing.

And then I'll see you guys soon,

- and we'll do...

- Yeah, just...

You know, you know where we live.

All right, thanks.

- Thanks, it was a really fun night.

- Bye.

Yeah, it was.

Bye.

I'm still not clear

what she was doing back there with you.

She was f***ing snorting llello, bro.

What do you think she was doing?

- Were you doing that, Brad?

- Of course not, Becky!

You think I'm gonna stoop that low?

- No.

- Of course not!

- You did, huh?

- That's kinda bad.

- No! Serge, shut up.

- You did.

I f***ed her.

Yeah.

- Let me just see these...

- Don't be a dick!

- Come cuddle with me.

- No, no.

- Yeah, yeah!

- No. Let's make a sex tape.

Be my boyfriend. Baby, wait.

I'll bring you some breakfast, all right?

Sergio's room. Sh*t.

I'm Chuck. I'm sober. F*** you.

Hey, it's Chuck.

So... I...

It's really hard going through

what I'm going through

and living with two dipshits.

The one, who looks

just as Mexican as the other one,

points out to me that he's Puerto Rican

and, like, tells me specifically.

How the f*** am I

supposed to know that?

All you guys do is cook Mexican food

and talk Mexican to each other.

Does a racist have

a black drug dealer named "Tug"?

No.

Who I haven't seen in weeks.

- What's this?

- Hey, Chuck.

Why the f*** are you filming me?

Someone took a sh*t in our sink.

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