Ghost Town Page #5

You're not... Don't do it!

I've been thinking

about your decaying jawbone.

Pitting is what I'm talking.

Saw it on the slideshow,

which would indicate to me,

a trained dentist, some bone loss,

and on the upper left

mandibular gum line.

The mummy.

Open invitation to a little vitis

called "Gingi."

Gingivitis?

More dental humor.

This time bone-based, but essentially...

Check out the mandibular bone loss,

if I...

But wouldn't that just be

ordinary wear and tear?

Not if it's only on one side, you idiot.

I don't think so.

How do the ladies resist

that rap of yours?

All right, all right.

Not a total disaster.

Next time, you just got to listen

to what it is that I'm saying.

Excuse me?

Do you think maybe you could come by

someday and maybe examine him?

Let's have a look, shall we?

- Okay.

- Okay.

No, today's out, tomorrow is out. That.

Cannot move that. Cannot move that.

That is set in stone.

And that little puppy

is hunkered in good.

Hunkerty, dunkerty, dock.

I don't want to move that,

but I can't do that, either.

Busy bee.

- It's okay.

- It seems to me, I think, commitments

abound.

Pack 'em in, move 'em out, Rawhide.

No way is that gonna...

- For the love of God!

- 4:
00 Thursday seems totally free, so...

- Great. Okay.

- Good. See you then.

Way to go, Frank. Oh, God.

Oh, thank God you're back.

You left the newspaper

on a cell phone ad, you sadist!

- I'm sorry.

- No, forget it.

I'm not in the mood anymore.

Where have you been?

I sit around here all day long,

and you're out God knows where.

You meet interesting people.

You have a career.

Hey, is that a new shirt?

Hey, it is a new shirt,

and it's got sleeves.

Well, well, well. Pinky's got himself

a brand new shirt for the big...

Hi. Hi.

Yeah, it's my yacht, yeah.

Quite the little heartbreaker, huh?

You should have seen the state

he was in when we found him.

Blackened skin, multiple fractures

from extensive marauding,

fully retreated lips.

Five thousand years of acid reflux

will do that to you.

Deep down, you know, the preservation

was exquisite New Kingdom work,

and it's what's underneath that counts.

First, they suctioned his brain out

through his nose.

And then they make a slit

in the side of the abdomen,

so that they can remove

the stomach, liver, intestines...

Beautiful.

...so that they could be separately

preserved in Canopic jars.

But what's really exciting about Pepi is

how they handled his organ.

- His organ?

- Yeah, his dick.

I got it right here. You wanna see it?

Please.

There's nothing unusual

about the phallus itself.

- Sure.

- It's the way it was stored.

You know, normally, the penis

and the heart are kept together

and mummified along with the body,

but in Pepi's case,

they removed it and preserved it

in this separate gold-encrusted jar.

God. I can see why he was king.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

I've got to get used to looking down

at a shriveled, old penis, eventually.

Oh, geez. I see he died happy.

That's it. That's enough.

He must have had huge hands.

- No, no.

- Yeah.

Is this here the pitting

that you were referring to?

Yeah.

Here, here, and look, really bad there.

We just assumed

that was post-mortal decay.

Don't be naive.

That is the work

of an untreated abscess.

That was a absolute magic carpet

of bacterial infection.

And that could have killed him?

Yeah, if it was severe, that would

have led to something more systemic,

and as soon as the infection

hit the spinal column,

he'd have pennies on his eyes

in no time at all.

Well, the mouth. A coin in the mouth.

It was a Greek tradition, you know,

to pay the boatman to ferry you across

the River Styx, but...

I mean,

this is an amazing breakthrough,

and just in time

for our opening next Thursday.

- Hey, will you come?

- What?

- Big opening with loads of people...

- Yeah.

- No. That's...

- You don't like crowds?

It's not so much the crowd as the

individuals in the crowd I don't like.

Well, if you change your mind,

you let me know.

Just seems so obvious now.

Why didn't I call a dentist sooner?

Everybody waits until it's too late.

So you're a funny dentist.

You wanna touch him?

- This is my lucky day.

- Yeah.

- No, no. Really, really touch him. Yeah.

- More, yeah.

- No, like...

- Down there.

- Isn't that amazing?

- Wow. Brilliant.

Don't you just love that smell?

It's not decay.

It's the resin. It's pine.

- They imported it from North Africa.

- Oh, good.

After a couple of hours,

the smell that was initially so sweet,

it triggers your vomit impulse.

Like visiting your grandmother.

Sugar-free treat?

Sure. Okay.

It's sweetened with Splenda.

Surprisingly delightful.

- Have you lived in the building long?

- Four years and one month.

Originally born and raised in England,

obviously, and then...

- Why'd you move?

- London. Just too much.

Overcrowded, just no privacy.

Just too many people.

So you picked Manhattan?

The reasoning is a little bit convoluted.

It's difficult to explain.

- What's her name?

- Sarah.

- Wife?

- No.

- Girlfriend?

- Yeah.

Still together?

Possibly.

I haven't spoken to her for years.

No, she died, actually. Quite sad.

She had a rare condition.

Have you heard of auto-cannibalism?

She actually ate herself.

I made that up. I was joking.

- But that's not funny.

- Funnier than the truth.

- Okay, and the truth about Sarah is...

- Very boring and ordinary.

How long you been here?

Can you just hold on one second?

This is so stupid,

but my keychain broke,

and I can never find my keys.

I moved back to the city about

a year ago, just after my husband died.

You lost your husband?

I'm sorry to hear that.

Thanks.

I want to ask you something,

and you tell me if it's inappropriate.

Okay.

Okay.

This tooth.

It kills whenever I drink anything cold.

I mean, it's just...

- Should I make an appointment?

- No, just warm the drinks up.

Let's have a look.

Head back. Open wide.

You want me to say, "Ah"?

Hey, Dentist!

I need you to clip a guy for me.

- Can you tell what it is?

- It's bad molar contact.

You see, Dentist, in life,

I accepted payment for a job

which I wasn't able to complete.

Bad molar contact?

I mean, is it really very serious?

- You should come and see me.

- Should I?

- You have to finish it for me.

- Yeah.

There's a.38 snub-nose taped

under the seat of my mother's Cadillac.

You just give him two in the head.

Leave the gun on the floor.

- Maybe I will.

- Okay.

- What the...

- Is now a good time?

Is everything okay?

- Yeah, it's just the...

- 'Cause you look a little... Oh, geez.

Oh, no, don't... Careful.

Look, right in the ear nearly.

It's just... I saw you talking to

Irish Eddie and I figured, you know...

Hi, there. Hey!

Good. Another one.

- Hey, honey.

- Oh, hey! I didn't see you.

- Hi.

- Oh, alive.

Why did this fellow have his hands

in your mouth?

Sorry, Dr. Pincus, this is Richard,

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