Ghostbusters

GHOSTBUSTERS:

Final Film Transcript

original script by Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis

transcribed by Adam Bertocci

Outside New York Public Library

Eerie music. Pigeons fly from the steps.

New York Public Library, reading room

ALICE pushes a cart of books.

New York Public Library, basement

ALICE brings some books down to the basement of library. As she walks along, a few books float to other shelves. When she turns around to investigate, nothing happens.

She makes some notes on a pad and passes a card catalog. The drawers slide open, spilling cards all over the place. She screams and runs.

She runs through the shelves.

Comes to what must be the ghost; she screams. Her hair blows back.

Ghostbusters logo dissolves onto screen. Music: Ghostbusters.

Columbia University

Main title pops up. Ghostbusters theme keeps playing. We see people going in and out of the building.

Corridor outside Paranormal Studies Laboratory

We hear DR. PETER VENKMAN giving the ESP test. On door: "Dr. Egon Spengler Dr. Raymond Stantz Dr. Peter Venkman Venkman burn in hell Maid please make up this room as soon as possible"

Inside lab

PETER gives ESP test to MALE STUDENT and JENNIFER. MALE STUDENT is hooked up to electrodes.

PETER:

All right, I'm going to turn over the next card. I want you to concentrate. I want you to tell me what it is.

card is a star

MALE STUDENT:

Square?

PETER:

showing him card and shocking him

Good guess, but wrong.

holds a circle card up in front of JENNIFER

Clear your head. All right, tell me what you think it is.

JENNIFER:

Is it a star?

PETER:

It is a star! Very good. That's great.

holds up a square card for MALE STUDENT

All right. Think hard. What is it?

MALE STUDENT:

Circle?

PETER:

showing him square and shocking him

Ooh, close, but definitely wrong.

MALE STUDENT's gum shoots out of his mouth. He puts it back in and keeps chewing. PETER holds a plus sign card up for JENNIFER.

Okay. All right. Ready? What is it?

no answer

Come on.

JENNIFER:

Figure eight.

PETER:

pretending to be astonished

Incredible. That's five for five. You can't see these, can you?

JENNIFER:

No, no.

PETER:

You're not cheating me, are you?

JENNIFER:

No, I swear, they're just coming to me.

PETER:

to MALE STUDENT

Okay. Nervous?

MALE STUDENT:

Yes... I don't like this.

PETER:

Don't worry, you only have seventy-five more to go.

holds up a card with three wavy lines

Okay, what's this one?

MALE STUDENT:

A couple of wavy lines.

PETER:

who wants to zap him just for fun

Sorry! This isn't your lucky day!

MALE STUDENT:

I know. I -

PETER reaches for the little lever. JENNIFER seems amused, so PETER winks to her. MALE STUDENT stumbles over some words before PETER zaps him.

Hey! I'm getting a little tired of this!

PETER:

You volunteered, didn't you? We're paying you, aren't we?

MALE STUDENT:

Yeah, but I didn't know you were giving me electric shocks! What are you trying to prove here anyway?

PETER:

I'm studying the effect of negative reinforcement on ESP ability.

MALE STUDENT:

The effect?! I'll tell you what the effect is! It's pissing me off!

PETER:

Well, then maybe my theory is correct!

MALE STUDENT:

ripping electrodes off hands

You can keep the five bucks, I've had it!

runs out of room and slams door

PETER:

I will mister!

kindly, to JENNIFER

You may as well get used to that, that's the kind of resentment that your ability is going to provoke in some people.

JENNIFER:

Do you think I have it, Dr. Venkman?

PETER:

You're no fluke, Jennifer.

DR. RAYMOND STANTZ enters the room, all in a flurry.

RAY:

grabbing stuff off shelves

This is it! This is definitely it! Did those UV lenses come in for the video camera? And that blank tape? I need it. The one you erased yesterday.

PETER:

to JENNIFER

Can you excuse me for a second?

JENNIFER:

Sure.

PETER runs to RAY, jumps up and smacks him on the head.

PETER:

I'm right in the middle of something, Ray! Ah, I need a little more time with this subject. Could you come back in an hour, hour and a half?

RAY:

Peter, at 1:
40 PM at the main branch of the New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue, ten people witnessed a free floating, full torso, vaporous apparition. It blew books off shelves from twenty feet away and scared the socks off some poor librarian!

PETER:

I'm very excited. I'm very pleased. I want you to get right down there, check it out and get back to me.

RAY:

No, no.

PETER:

Get right back to me...

RAY:

You're coming with us on this one! Spengler went down there and took PKE valances. Went right off the top of the scale. Buried the needle! We're close on this one. I can feel it!

PETER:

I can feel it. We're very, very close.

to JENNIFER

I have to go now, Jennifer, but I'd like to work with you some more. Perhaps you could come back this evening, say at -

JENNIFER:

Eight o'clock?

PETER:

I was just about to say eight o'clock! You are a legitimate phenomenon!

Outside New York Public Library

PETER is yelling at RAY all the way there.

PETER:

As a friend I have to tell you: you've finally gone round the bend on this ghost business. You guys have been running your ass off meeting and greeting every schizo in the five boroughs who says he has a paranormal experience. What have you seen?

New York Public Library, reading room

RAY:

Of course you forget, Peter, I was present at an undersea, unexplained, mass sponge migration.

PETER:

Ooh, Ray, those sponges migrated about a foot and a half.

DR. EGON SPENGLER is under the table, listening to it with a stethescope. PETER runs over to him and speaks in a zombie voice.

Egon...

EGON is puzzled. PETER raps table with knuckles, then slams it with a book. EGON is starled and jumps up.

EGON:

Oh, you're here.

PETER:

Yeah, what have you got?

EGON:

This is big, Peter. This is very big. There is definitely something here.

PETER:

Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. You remember that?

EGON:

That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.

LIBRARY ADMINISTRATOR walks up to the three.

LIBRARY ADMINISTRATOR

I'm Roger Delicore. Are you the men from the university?

PETER:

introducing them all

Yes. I'm Dr. Venkman. Dr. Stantz, Egon.

LIBRARY ADMINISTRATOR

Thank you for coming. I hope we can clear this up quickly and quietly.

PETER:

Let's not rush things. We don't even know what you have yet.

They go to a smaller room. ALICE is lying on a table.

ALICE:

I don't remember seeing any legs, but it definitely had arms because it reached out for me.

RAY:

Arms?! I can't wait to get a look at this thing!

PETER:

Alice, I'm going to ask you a few standard questions, okay? Have you or any of your family ever been diagnosed schizophrenic, mentally incompetent?

ALICE:

My uncle thought he was St. Jerome.

PETER:

I'd call that a big yes. Uh, are you habitually using drugs, stimulants, alcohol?

ALICE:

No!

PETER:

No, no. Just asking. Are you, Alice, menstruating right now?

LIBRARY ADMINISTRATOR

What has that got to do with it?

PETER:

Back off, man. I'm a scientist.

EGON:

Ray, it's moving.

New York Public Library, basement

EGON is in front, with PKE meter. RAY has a video camera. PETER is in the back, bored stiff. He starts making scary gestures at RAY. They come to a tall tower of books.

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