Ghosts Of Girlfriend Past Page #9

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- Don't you touch me.

- Now, you listen to me.

Okay, first off:

I am sorry about destroying

your wedding cake...

...going to second base with your mother,

knocking your dad unconscious right there...

...and basically

breaking up your wedding.

I'm sorry.

That being said, I am begging you...

...begging you, don't run away, all right?

You and Paul have something so rare,

all right, so powerful.

- Don't chicken out now.

- Chicken out? He cheated.

Oh, get over it.

It was years ago, all right?

With some slutty friend of yours.

Yeah, well, that's true.

A friend, incidentally,

who you're not even mad at.

And you know why?

Because you don't actually care.

You love Paul so much,

you forgave him the second you heard.

And that's what scares you.

You have no idea how I feel.

You have no idea.

Yes, I do. I've been in your shoes.

You know what?

It scared the hell out of me too.

What if she hurt me?

You know, what if she left me?

What if she died?

lt'd have been the end of me.

So I cut it short, before she ever could.

And you know what?

It was the biggest mistake

I have ever made.

You're making that same mistake now...

...and I'll be damned

if I'm gonna sit by and watch.

You gotta risk love, Sandra. Risk it.

I didn't. Look at me.

I'm an empty, lonely, ghost of a man.

It doesn't mean

that you're never gonna get hurt.

But I can guarantee you this:

Any pain that you feel...

...will never, ever compare to the regret

that comes from walking away from love.

As someone who's felt a lot of both,

trust me.

Pain...

...beats regret every day of the week,

and twice on Sunday.

Don't run away.

Don't do it.

I can't believe I'm saying this...

...but, uh, I think you might be right.

So...

...you wanna get married?

- I do.

- You do?

- Yeah, I do.

- You do?

Yes.

- Yes.

- Okay.

Whoo!

Oh, baby.

Flowers, check. Cake, check.

Dinner, check.

- Photographer?

- Ooh, I know a pretty good photographer.

Shall we begin?

Ladies and gentlemen,

we are here to witness the union...

...of Sandra Marie Volcom and Paul Mead.

At them.

It was cold and dark.

We'd been taking fire for hours.

We took an incoming mortar hit.

I opened up his jacket

and his insides fell out...

...and I had his bloody guts in my hand.

They were warm and mushy and squishy.

And I pushed them right back

into his body cavity...

...and willed him to live with my tears.

And that is what true love is.

Hua!

I've heard that story a hundred times.

Um...

I guess now's as good a time as any

for me to make my best man's toast.

I've never given one of these before,

so, uh, bear with me.

Someone once told me...

...that the power in all relationships

lies with whoever cares less.

And he was right.

But power isn't happiness.

And...

...I think that maybe happiness comes...

...from caring more about people,

rather than less.

And nobody proves that better

than my kid brother, Paulie.

Buddy, you give love to everyone...

...and you require none in return.

From this day on,

I wanna be more like you.

I want you to be proud of me again.

Yeah.

And here's to my new sister.

You know, Sandra, all I can really say...

...all that I know for sure...

...is that Mom and Dad...

...they would've loved you.

And I'm glad you're part of our family.

- Here's to Paul and Sandra, right here.

- Yeah, to Paul and Sandra.

Look here. Look right here.

Okay. And how old are you?

Who's in the middle? Look over here.

All right. Go dance, drink eggnog.

- Hey, sexy cameraman.

- Hey, ladies.

- Connor, we're really worried about you.

- Need we remind you...

...as man-whore in residence, you have

certain duties to the single ladies here?

That is very tempting, ladies, it is.

- But, uh, I'm out.

- No.

Ladies, thank you, but no thank you.

Hmm?

Hey, hard-to-get only works

if you eventually give in.

One more time.

- Hey.

- Good night.

- Hey.

- Congratulations.

You did it.

You pulled off a great wedding.

We pulled off a great wedding.

Of course, if I wouldn't have broken it,

it wouldn't have needed fixing.

- True, true, true.

- Ha, ha.

- Okay, I have to know.

- Mm.

What happened to you last night?

Because yesterday, you were just

your usual handsome, awful self.

But then today,

you became the guy I used to know.

The one I always thought, deep down,

you actually were.

I honestly don't know

what the hell happened to me last night.

I don't. But I do know that

I'm seeing things more clearly today...

...than any time that I can remember.

Like the way I feel about you.

That's something that has never changed.

I wish I could believe you.

We've just been through this before...

...so how do I know it's not just

another line from the Mead-family playbook?

Hmm.

You remember her?

You kept it.

Yeah.

I've had that on me

since the day I took it.

I can't believe it.

Give me one more chance.

I'll do better.

Whatever it takes.

The wooing, the spooning, I am all in.

Even massages with our clothes on?

No. No, that's where I draw the line.

- Well?

- No massages with clothes on.

Not a chance.

I promise you this:

When you wake up in the morning...

...l'll be there.

Every time.

What?

What is it?

Ha, ha. Nothing.

I just recognize this song.

Oh, yeah.

- May I have this dance?

- Finally.

- Pete Hastings, eat your heart out.

- Ha, ha.

That's how it's done, Dutch.

That's how it's done.

Well, work's over. What do you say, doll?

Let's get naked.

Mm.

Dry. I love it.

You know, I'm interviewing

for a new secretary.

- Mm?

- How good is your dictation?

You get it? "Dick-tation"?

Please, I'm actually at this party.

Hi.

Looks like it's just you and me, sweetie.

Oh, I love those scrunchies.

Ew, ha, ha.

I'm, like, 16.

We're ghosts, baby. We're ageless.

Okay, Connor Mead's out. Who's next?

Paul's desperate work friends?

- Yeah. I'm back to you.

- I think I'm loosening up.

- Let's do this thing.

- Yeah, all right.

- Okay, I get the little one.

- You can have him.

- Okay.

- I said, I get the little one.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- You're so cute.

- You look just like my sister. Why would l...?

Mind if I cut in?

You know, it makes me happy.

You did a wonderful job with her, Von.

So did you, Mervis.

You repeat that name to anyone,

you're a dead man.

- Sandy, right here.

- No, no.

Kako.

Yes.

What...? What did...?

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