Gilbert Page #9

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Lenny Bruce--

- Yeah.

- You know it goes way back so.

- Wow, that's as nice

a compliment, wow.

- But it's true, it's true,

and it's why I can't do

the dangerous stuff.

- Now do you have anything--

- She's saying wrap it up.

If you don't listen to what

I guess is the producer

much less your wife--

(laughing)

- [Frank] She is the producer.

- She was saying this

when you walked in.

(laughing)

- Wrap it up.

- Yes!

- Enough, enough with the Jews.

(laughing)

(light jazzy music)

- Oh hi.

- Good to see you man.

- How are you?

- I'm great, how about you?

- Eh.

- Eh, come on, you're good,

you're good, I know you're good.

- (laughing)

- Thank you for

doing this for us.

- Oh sure, no problem.

- Appreciate it very very much.

So you know we're not a

local children's hospital.

- Yeah.

- So we're a pediatric

cancer hospital,

we take kids from all 50

states and foreign countries

and we're gonna be the

hospital where kids get sent

- that can't get treated at

their local children's hospital.

- Yeah.

- And we're a research

hospital so this year

we have to raise about

a billion dollars

just to give you a sense

of what we're doing here.

- A year.

- Yes ma'am.

- I'll see when I'm up there.

- I know I know.

- That's easy for you to say.

- I know.

(applauding)

- Our St. Jude journey

started in 2002

when my youngest daughter

Jordan was just 15 months old.

As parents we noticed that

something wasn't right

with Jordan.

She was lethargic,

slept more than normal,

and she bruised really easily.

After repeated visits

to her pediatrician,

we received a call

one evening asking us

to bring Jordan to

the emergency room.

- There were a few

speeches that were,

it almost made me feel human.

- After several hours of tests,

the head oncologist

came into our room,

stood at the foot

of Jordan's bed,

and said I'm so sorry,

your daughter has cancer.

She has leukemia.

I asked the team is there

any place on this planet

that we could bring Jordan

to give her a chance at life?

(pensive music)

The answer was no.

And her mom asked the one

question you never wanna ask.

How long?

- Hi.

- [Nurse] We're just waiting

for all your blood work

to come back, it's

not all back yet.

- Okay, thanks.

- Alright.

- [Nurse] Nice big deep breath.

And again.

- It's tough to go

to the clinic there.

And my sister's there,

they'll put whatever tubes

they put in her and

it's difficult to

witness all of that.

- I was diagnosed

in April of '09.

I have stage four breast cancer.

And it's very, I get

very fatigued and

I'm very frightened.

- From the time that

we stepped on the plane

to when we walked onto

the campus of St. Jude,

we knew we were exactly

where we should be.

We asked Dr. Leung, as

Jordan's parents how could we

help along this journey?

He thought for a moment

and said, "I want you

"to do three things.

"I want you to envision

Jordan with hair.

"I want you to envision Jordan

flying home cancer free.

"And I want you to

envision Jordan growing

"with her own family.

"Don't ever lose sight of that.

"I will take care

of the cancer."

- The speeches were

heartbreaking and

really is death for me.

This I've got no chance in

hell of this being anything

but a disaster.

(cheering and applauding)

Oh thank you.

Thank you, thank you...

- If I were here alone today

I'd be in a terrible mood.

He makes me laugh.

("Somebody to Watch

Over Me" instrumental

by George Gershwin)

(laughing)

Then he makes fun of me too.

- [Neil] You do?

- A man comes home from work.

He goes honey, honey, I just

won the $500 million lottery,

start packing!

She goes, what should I pack?

He goes, I don't care, just

pack and get the f*** out!

(laughing)

(applauding)

A Jewish woman,

an Italian woman,

and a Polish woman are all...

I remember looking at

the faces in particular

when I saw people

laughing and applauding

and I saw the guy whose

daughter had cancer

and it looked like his

face lit up and I thought

that was an amazing moment

when I'm up there

doing dick jokes.

(laughing)

A little boy walks in when

his mother's in the shower

and he points down,

he goes, what's that?

She goes oh, um, well your

father and I had an argument

yesterday and he

hit me with an ax.

And the little boy goes wow,

he hit you right in the c*nt.

(laughing)

I think they want

something to laugh at.

Wherever tragedy is, comedy

is looking over his shoulder

sticking his tongue out.

You know it could be

totally poor taste,

totally filthy, which

I specialize in.

- It's definitely a gift.

It's a gift to turn

life's anxiety and doubt

into something

funny, into humor.

(laughing)

- I've been to a bunch of

these and I think the happiest

day for everybody will be

when St. Jude's hospital

closes up because

there's no more business.

(cheering and applauding)

Thank you.

- Yeah, I got a

standing ovation.

Granted they were standing

and leaving but still,

I got a standing ovation.

So it still counts.

- [Arlene] There's the 11.

Alright thanks, I'll see

you tomorrow I guess.

- I think that Gilbert in

the grand scheme of things

I would think of him as the

ultimate comedian's comedian.

You know every comic loves him.

Has a deep abiding love for

him and that is very rare.

Comics love to hate their

own but Gilbert I think

escapes all of that.

Even the guys like George Burns,

people hated George Burns.

Guys like, oh,

who's the other one?

The guy with the huge dick.

- [Neil] Oh, Milton Berle?

- Yeah Milton Berle.

There are way more stories of

people who hated Milton Berle

than anything else.

I don't think you'll

ever find a story

about someone who hates Gilbert

and that in this business,

that's a unicorn.

- There's always

gonna be a demand.

People love seeing him,

his shows are packed.

He sells out, he's hilarious.

- He's brutal, he's vicious,

there's no one better at it

than him.

Really, honestly.

- A little boy comes

home from school.

He goes dad, dad, I got

my first blowj*b today.

The father goes that's

great, how was it?

He goes, tasted awful.

(laughing)

- The fact that he still

does it gives the rest of us

something to shoot for I think.

It's like you know you can't

pull back if Gilbert doesn't.

- 'Cause he had

cum in his mouth.

(laughing)

He had cum in his mouth.

See he was a little

boy with cum.

Picture a little boy

with a mouthful of--

- I think there has been

nobody that's been more

true to themselves in what they

do and what their belief is

than Gilbert.

I love that he hasn't

kowtowed to the man.

You know, he just

does what he does

and he's taken all

the slings and arrows

along with all the

gifts and rewards.

- I actually believe the

best years for Gilbert

are ahead of him, but

I'm just looking forward

to watching their kids

grow up and find out

what their father's like.

(chuckling)

- Some of us have been

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