Girl Most Likely Page #2

Well, I think the problem

you're facing here

is that you wrote a pretty

authentic sounding letter.

Really?

You thought it was that good?

Now in your letter,

you refer to your dead father.

How old were you when he passed away?

Nine. Seriously, there

is no point to this.

Can you tell me about him?

He was just the best.

The smartest man I ever met.

He was like the George

Clooney of fathers.

And what about the rest of your family?

Uh... My mom

lives in New Jersey with my brother.

She has an impulse control problem,

and I haven't seen them in years.

Can you describe the symptoms

of your mother's impulse problem?

Uh, let's see.

Buying 52 pairs of jelly

shoes in one year.

Gambling every day.

Picking up hitchhikers.

Showing up to a parent-teacher

conference wearing a turban.

My brother and I,

our birthdays are 84 days apart,

and because of her gambling

she couldn't afford to give us

individual birthday parties,

so we had to have a

combined birthday party.

Do you have any idea

how it feels to have a birthday party

eighty-four days after

your actual birthday,

because your mom has an impulse problem?

Okay, well, it doesn't feel very good.

No, it's very sad.

Yeah.

I'm doing okay.

I mean, it's been

upsetting for me, but...

Have you ever received

a telephone call

of an urgent nature when you're naked?

- I haven't.

- I had just gotten out of the shower.

And suddenly this call comes.

Well, we tracked down your information

from old DMV records, Mrs. Duncan.

Are you familiar with a 5150 hold?

Uh... Yes, but I'm sure I

paid those tickets. Okay?

And the judge ruled that the

second one wasn't even my fault.

This has nothing to do

with your driving record, Mrs. Duncan.

A 5150 means that

it is our duty to hold anyone

who poses a threat to themselves

for at least 72 hours.

However, we have

a bit of an overcrowding problem,

which limits us to holding

only critical patients

and releasing the others,

like your daughter,

into the care of a loved one.

- She said she loved me?

- No.

But we have more

critical patients that need her bed.

You mean people that, like,

jump out of buildings and cut parts off?

That kind of stuff?

Sometimes.

Can I ask you a question?

Does that make you really sad?

Uh, Mrs. Duncan, would you be

willing to assume responsibility

for the safety and well-being

of your daughter for the next 72 hours?

Well, I have to be somewhere later.

But, yes. Of course.

Did I tell you that Gwyneth Paltrow

might come to my book launch party?

- Wow! What a coup.

- I know!

It's like my dad's PR

guy knows everyone.

Oh.

I will be back in one second,

I have to take this.

Hi.

It's an upsetting night.

Hello.

Imogene, listen,

I know you're expecting your boyfriend,

and we've made several

attempts to try and...

Peter is coming for me, okay?

Yes, I'm sure Peter cares

for you very deeply,

but both your mother

and I feel that the best thing

for you right now...

Wait. Did you just say "mother"?

...would be for you to be

in the comfort and safety

of those who love you unconditionally.

So your mother is

going to take you home with her.

Hi, honey.

You cannot do this.

Dara! Dara!

Tell them you love me unconditionally.

What?

I can't go with her!

Please! Please!

Dara! Tell them I can stay

with you until Peter comes for me!

Oh, my gosh, I wish that I could help,

but I don't think that we can

accommodate house-guests right now.

What?

- You can't do this to me!

- Hold her!

Dara! Call the police!

Imogene, this is going

to make your trip home

just a little bit more relaxing.

Honey...

Your panties are showing.

Mom?

Step right up, everybody!

Clear the path.

Bring me a joker.

- Feeling good!

- Hey!

- Oh!

- What the hell are you doing?

Jesus, don't sneak up on me like that.

You left me in the

back seat of your car!

Well, honey, they told me that you were gonna

be out for, like, you know, six hours.

You took me against my will!

You know, I could have you

arrested for kidnapping.

Imogene, they called

me from the hospital.

They said that you had

tried to kill yourself

and they were

gonna lock you up with schizophrenians.

I mean, you know, what was I supposed to do?

Leave you there?

Oh, and this is better?

Waking up alone in a casino parking lot?

I don't have my purse, no cell phone.

I have no wallet. No ID. Nothing.

Zelda, is this lady giving you grief?

Oh, no. Delancey, this is my daughter.

Do you know that she was

on the New York Times list

of playwrights to watch...

It was New York Magazine!

Oh. Pleased to meet you.

I've seen your mother here

get more royal flushes than anybody.

That's great.

Okay.

Round and round she goes!

You think I don't know why you did it?

I'm your mother, okay.

I know why you did it.

Some men are stayers.

Some men are leavers, and you know,

it's better to find out now.

Wow, where did you get

that pearl of wisdom?

It was on The Joy Behar Show.

You know, the doctor let me read your letter.

I thought it was really good.

Really.

Apparently, I should be a

professional suicide writer.

Oh, you're not writing

plays anymore, huh?

I am not talking about this.

Hey-

Where'd you go?

Imogene?

Ew! Hello? Hi!

Who are you?

Um... I'm Lee.

Who's she?

Lee, what are you doing in my room?

Actually, this is my room.

Since when?

Uh, since Zelda started

renting it to me.

- What?

- Imogene?

- Ralph!

- Imogene, you're back!

Oh, my God.

You're really back! You're here!

Wow, you look so different.

I've been eating a lot of spaghetti.

- Oh.

- So you're going to spend the night?

No, I'm not... No.

Why did Mom rent out my room?

Her settlement money ran out.

What settlement money?

An escalator ate her

jelly shoe at the Oasis

and screwed up her toe.

Can I have a second hug?

This is really weird.

Monica, wait a second.

It's fine, she's...

Mom!

Hello.

Okay, before you start getting

all creepy, let me explain.

How can you rationalize

renting my room out to some random guy?

Well, you haven't been

back in a long time!

Yeah. She does have a point.

Where is all my stuff?

What, did you throw out all my stuff?

Calm down. It's in the basement.

So what now? What, do

I sleep with you now?

Oh. Well, I don't think

that's going to work either.

- Why not?

- The Bousche sleeps in her bed.

The what?

Hey, I could make you a sheet

fort like when we were kids?

Can you come out here a second?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Okay.

Imogene, this is my boyfriend.

He lives with us.

He's in the CIA.

Hi. George Bousche.

It's a pleasure to finally meet you.

George.

Your name is George Bousche?

Well, as a matter of

fact, it's not my name.

You see, my father was an assassin,

and he had to change

all of our birth names

because of that incident

I told you about, about the KGB.

So what is your real name then?

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't tell you that.

- Even I don't know.

- No.

Okay.

- No one knows. Okay.

- Yeah.

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