Girl Most Likely Page #3

Okay.

You gonna put on

something nice, honey?

So, did Mom tell you the good news?

Who's it good for?

I got my own kiosk,

one block from the boardwalk.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Right across from Angela's Pizza.

Well, where it used to be. Here.

Oh.

- That's wonderful.

- Yeah.

- Congratulations!

- Yep.

No, no. Please keep it.

Or, you know, give it to a friend.

Anyone you refer gets a free hermit hut.

That's a good deal.

Do you want to come and see it?

Oh.

I wish I could.

But, you know, I have to go back home.

Yeah, to the city.

You know, you really

should come visit me.

We could go to the Natural History

Museum and the Aquarium.

Yeah, it's far away.

Yeah. Well, maybe that's a good thing.

I like being in Ocean City.

You used to like it, too.

Yeah. I just think

that New York is a better place for me.

Mmm. Okay.

Well, this is your basic

sheet fort model.

Um...

If you would like any add-ons

or security features,

I mean, I can work on it tomorrow.

No, it looks very secure.

Yeah?

Yeah, you did a great job.

Um, all right, well.

Nighty-night, Imogene.

Breakfast, everybody!

- Oh, Jesus!

- Ow! God! Someone's in here!

Oh, my God. I'm sorry!

God!

Hey, I'm really sorry about that.

Your brother likes us to keep the door

closed because the toilet runs.

I didn't see anything, just so you know.

Okay. Well,

you should really knock as a precaution.

I guess we're even then.

Oh, so it's my fault that I walk in

on you doing it with your girlfriend?

Because, hello, this is my house.

But you don't live here anymore.

I grew up in this house.

I think that takes precedence over

whatever temporary

whatever you're doing here.

What are you doing here?

Excuse me?

What...

Why did you come back?

I really don't see

how that is any of your concern, Lee.

Look, if you want to stay in the

room, it really is no trouble.

I'll be happy to stay somewhere else.

Oh, I'm sure you can.

But, see, I like to make a special point

to not sleep in the bed of boys

whose cleanliness of

sheets is questionable

at best.

- This morning.

- What?

That's when I changed my sheets.

Hey-

Um, I don't really know how to

broach this subject tactfully,

so I'm just going to say it.

Ralph, cover your ears.

Were you getting spanked last night?

Why would you think that?

Because that's what it sounded like.

- Am I right?

- Oh, my God.

No. I'm right, aren't I? Ugh!

Imogene, it is so much fun.

Have you never tried it?

Yeah, maybe, like, two or three times

in the heat of passion, I don't know.

But not in repetition

for, like, two hours.

Oh, my God.

If it was bothering you so much

you should have just closed your door.

Oh, my sheet door?

You know, you should be grateful I have

such an amazing sex life with George.

Or would you rather I turned

into one of those dried up women

like Mitzi Mordler who spends all

her time with her little rat dog.

Yeah. That.

Mitzi, that's what I want.

Oh, God.

Coffee ready?

Over there, Bubba.

I need it after last night.

You know, if Dad were alive

to see what you've become,

he would be disgraced.

He died?

When did that happen?

No, no, no. It's nothing.

What?

I mean, yes. He died.

A long time ago. He's been dead.

- You know that.

- Right.

- Can I take them off now?

- Yeah.

Sorry.

Why would you say that?

I thought you told them.

No! You knew they didn't know.

No?

Something like that

could ruin their lives.

You can never, ever let them know

about their father really being...

Being what?

Cheap.

Dad was cheap?

Oh, God, yeah.

Don't you remember that ugly

couch we had in the living room?

He wouldn't let me buy the one I wanted,

so we had to get that

one from a garage sale.

You're lying. I can see it!

I can see it in your eyes.

Tell us the truth.

Was Dad not our father?

No, no, no. He was. He is your father.

- What do you mean "he is our father"?

- No.

- Oh, God.

- Mom?

I can't. You know, I can't.

I can't do this anymore.

- Breathe.

Oh, God.

What?

All right.

We didn't get along, okay?

And he wanted to

go back to school for his PhD.

And we agreed that we didn't want

to put you through a divorce

and all of the custody hell,

and so we decided

that you guys would stay with me

and I would just tell you that...

What?

That he died.

I can't believe this.

What, Dad is alive?

Yeah.

What mother tells their

children that their father died

during a routine colonoscopy, to what?

To save them from inconvenience?

No, no, it was

a complicated situation, Imogene. Okay?

I was trying

to protect you guys.

I wanted you to

grow up feeling good about yourselves.

What happened to him?

Somebody told me that he wrote a book.

Oh, wait, Imogene.

Wait. Oh, come on.

What are you going to do?

Wait!

Imogene.

Immy, wait.

Ralph, was that boat

moored out there yesterday?

Imogene, please.

Imogene, honey. I need my car today.

I have a free spin on the Lucky Wheel!

Hey, wait. Honey, please.

Hey, unlock the door, okay?

The jackpot is a cruise to Jamaica!

We could all go together!

Hey...

Honey, please don't kill

yourself over this.

I love you.

Oh, can I help you?

I hope so.

Um, do you have anything written

by Maxwell P. Duncan?

P. Duncan.

Let's look it up.

That's a "C", right?

That's a

And not a

- No, it's a

- Oh.

No, sorry. You just pressed

You're right. Sorry about that.

- Okay.

- D-U-N.

Oh, there's lots of Duncans.

P. Duncan. Maxwell P. Duncan.

Are you okay?

Yes. Thank you.

P. Duncan, there it is.

We have one book.

Uh, let's see.

Where is it?

In the non-fiction.

Hmm.

"Maxwell P. Duncan

is a world-renowned expert

"on the early colonial period

of American history.

"Mr. Duncan has spoken on PBS and NPR.

"He resides in...

"New York City."

Oh, no, you don't.

Move it!

I saw you in my rearview mirror,

you weren't even paying attention!

You were putting on makeup!

I wasn't putting on makeup! Does it

look like I'm wearing makeup to you?

Well, you're going to

have to pay for this.

It's a couple of little scratches.

What is the big deal?

Excuse me, it's a Porsche!

Sir, it's a Boxster.

You folks okay? You're

holding up traffic.

No, sir. We're not okay,

actually, at all.

This woman rear-ends me

while she's putting on makeup.

My visor fell down!

Can you both please show me

your driver's license,

registration, and insurance cards?

Sure thing, Officer.

Is something wrong?

Okay. First of all, I

wasn't putting on makeup!

Ocean City?

Imogene?

Imogene Duncan?

Yeah.

It's me. It's Rex Rinaldi.

From high school.

T-Rex Rinaldi?

You were my TA in my

dumb-bell math class.

You said you couldn't go

to homecoming with me

because it fell on the anniversary

of your father's death?

- Yeah.

- Sure!

Okay, yeah.

Imogene Duncan!

Here I am.

Can we do this please?

- I have somewhere I'm supposed to be.

- Yeah. All right.

Great, thank you.

Do you have yours?

You know, I live in Manhattan now,

and I haven't really driven in years.

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