Girl Most Likely Page #7

- I don't want to dance here.

- Come on.

I don't like this song.

I should drink more.

Everyone is so nice.

I know, right?

And I forgot that

hanging out with regular people

could be such an enthralling experience.

I feel like I want to

expand my social circle

and get, like, acrylic

nails or something.

No, no. No acrylic nails.

Okay, seriously.

- Did you go to Yale?

- Yeah.

I really did. I went to Yale.

Okay, what did you study?

I majored in music and French history.

And my senior year I

was a Whiffenpoof.

- A what?

- You never heard of the Whiffenpoofs.

That is not... You're making up groups.

You never heard

of the Whiffenpoofs?

No, that's not a real thing!

That is absolute... All right.

Okay, I'm getting the parts wrong,

it doesn't matter.

It's better with the

gloves and the tuxedo.

- I'm coming up.

- Oh!

I get it. I get it.

That's very funny. Oh!

Okay.

I'm gonna fall if I stand on that.

You're gonna sit.

You're so good!

You are. You're such a great singer.

Why are you working in that shithole?

Because that shithole pays me.

I think... I think you should be famous.

I think you should be famous, too.

I do.

I almost was.

Kind of.

Well, no one told you to stop writing.

I think you're

just as good now as you were then.

You don't know what

you're talking about.

Actually, I do.

I do know what I'm talking about,

because I found your secret hole.

- Excuse me?

- Yeah, your secret hole.

Behind your bureau,

in your wall, in your room.

I...

I was moving stuff,

and I just found a bunch of your plays.

What? You went into my secret hole

and you found my plays,

and you read them

without even asking me?

- I was just trying to see what it was.

- That's private.

- I'm sorry.

- You don't read other people's stuff

they keep in the wall. If it's in

the wall, it means don't read it.

Okay, listen, calm down, hear me out.

I just went to go see what it was,

and I ended up staying up all night

reading this great play

about you becoming a woman.

What was it called?

Imogene's Period.

Was it good?

Yeah.

It really was.

I really liked it. I think...

I think you were born to be a writer.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Are your sheets clean?

What do you mean?

Did you have sex in them?

- Only with myself.

- Ew.

That feels good.

Where are you...

I feel like I am dying.

I think that's because you're hungover.

How long does this last?

I don't know.

Sometimes it helps if

you eat McDonald's.

- Jesus.

- The Bousche never came home.

Uh... Wait. What?

He left yesterday morning.

I made him a sandwich,

he never came back.

- Did he say where he was going?

- What?

Oh, God. Your voice is like

burning knives through my skull.

Imogene?

Oh!

Did you guys have sex?

Thank you.

Um, listen, uh...

What day is it?

It's Thursday.

Sh*t! on, my God!

It's Dara's book party!

Just to clarify, this is the girl that

wouldn't let you into

her apartment, right?

If I don't go to this thing tonight,

people are going to speculate

about my mental state and what happened.

And I need to go there,

and prove to them that I am sane

and that I am in control of my life.

- All right, let's go.

- What?

Yeah, I'll take you.

Just to clarify. You

mean, like, as my date?

Uh, a date impersonator.

Look at you.

After you.

Wait! Wait!

I'm coming with you.

What?

Mom said you're going to New York.

You know that it's

past the boardwalk though, right?

I think I'm ready.

You sure you know how to get back?

Yes, that's why I have my GPS watch.

I'll meet you right here,

45.2 degrees north by 79.3 degrees west.

At 7:
30.

So you're sure you

want to bring this shell-thing with you?

What better place

to try it out than New York City?

- Well, good luck.

- Thank you.

- Be careful.

- Yeah.

Just watch where you're going.

He'll be fine.

Yeah.

Oh!

Ow!

"I Found the One."

Did you read it?

I helped write it.

Then it's gotta be good.

It doesn't really matter. Her uncle

owns the publishing company, so...

Hmm. Good, old-fashioned nepotism.

- Hi.

- Hi, how are you?

Hey! I'm talking to you.

What's inside of it?

- I'm the... I go inside of it.

- What?

- Oh, my God!

- Hey guys!

Imogene! What a surprise!

That's an interesting dress.

I hardly know

why my presence would be a surprise,

I confirmed over a month ago.

Of course, of course!

We just... We were concerned

that you might not be here tonight.

- But you are.

- Yay!

It's wonderful.

I'm going to go to the bar.

Long Island Iced Tea?

Very funny.

So, is everyone here?

Yes. Everyone.

Anabelle and George are

talking to David Sedaris.

And I think I saw Peter.

Wait. What?

- Oh.

- Peter's here?

No, actually

I just saw him...

No.

Oh, my God, it's him.

He is here.

I forgot. I forgot!

Peter?

- Oh!

- Imogene.

They told me that

you weren't going to be here tonight.

So, what? I almost die and you just

aren't going to talk to me again?

They won't let

you go to the garden to smoke,

can you believe?

I can't, that's...

- That's terrible.

- Hello.

This is club soda with bitters.

It'll be good for your stomach.

Are you joking?

How do you live with someone

and show up at

a friend's party with some random model!

- What's random?

- Just give me a second here.

She's not random, okay?

Our parents summer together in Provence.

You wouldn't have even cared

if I died, would you?

Oh, my God. You would be happy.

I would not be happy if you died, okay?

That's why I asked Dara

to go check on you.

Wait. What?

Hey!

Hi. WOW.

You knew Peter wasn't coming

and you didn't tell me?

How could you do that?

Are you Imogene Duncan?

Yeah.

Ralph, are you okay?

What happened?

How do you know this man?

He's my brother.

Keep him off

the street, please.

He almost ended

up in Gitmo.

What is that junk

he just dragged into my party?

That is a man-made replica

of an exoskeleton

that he designed and constructed

by himself.

Which is more than I could

ever say for you!

Okay.

No, don't walk away.

How could you not be

honest with me?

Because if I did that it would be a

full time job, all right, Imogene?

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Imogene, let it go.

I think what Dara means is

sometimes you seem sad.

No, Hannah, that's not what I meant.

You need to be very careful about

who you speak to like that,

because the only reason

why you're here right now,

and know all of these people,

is because of me.

And you're living in a fantasy world

if you think you belong here.

And now she's gonna cry.

Hurry, Imogene. Get in here.

- Get in the shell.

- No, it's okay, Ralph.

You didn't even write your own book.

Like I care what you think?

I don't even know how you got in here.

I came here with Imogene.

Imogene, wait.

Picked that up in Chinatown.

Imogene?

Are you okay?

It's just like...

You spend so long staring at one thing.

And then,

one day everything else comes into view

and there you are. I'm like a big joke.

No, look, hey, they're a**holes.

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