Girl Most Likely Page #8

You think I've never

had to deal with people like that?

I was inundated with all that

bullshit my entire time in college.

I couldn't wait to get out.

Well, at least you had somewhere to go.

834 Sutton Place.

New York, New York, 10021.

Dad lives there.

Thanks.

Ah, it's not a problem.

I don't mind the drive.

No. I just mean thank you.

Oh.

Of course.

Good luck.

Hi. We're here

to see Maxwell P. Duncan.

And who should I say you are?

His children.

Just a moment, please.

How did you find

out I was still alive?

Two weeks after you died,

I saw you buying toothpaste at the A&P.

And then, when I turned 21,

I hired a private investigator

with my birthday money.

So you've known all this time?

Yes, sir.

But you didn't try to contact me before.

I was waiting for my

sister to come home.

Well, please come up.

Could you keep an eye

on that for me, please?

Do you think we should hug?

Sure.

- Does your mother know you're here?

- No.

She's mad at you.

She told us, you know, not to come.

Oh, how exquisite.

Is this a Joseph Kato?

Oh, yes, it is.

It's been in my wife's family for years.

Oh, yes, Virginia.

These are my children.

This is Imogene.

A pleasure.

And this...

- This is Ralph.

- Ralph.

- Hello.

- Hello, Ralph.

Did you know that we were alive?

Actually, no.

Okay.

I can get you one of

your own, if you'd like.

Yes, please.

Have you produced any

offspring together?

No. We can't.

I have a condition.

Which one?

Virginia is on

the board of trustees at the Guggenheim.

Oh, the Guggenheim is,

by far, my favorite.

I've seen

the Kandinsky exhibit there three times.

I started reading your book

on agrarian America,

and I had no idea

that the Pilgrims were alcoholics.

Oh, yes. Yes, it's true.

They preferred the taste

of beer to water,

thus contributing to their notorious

legacy of being drunk sodomists.

Do you know who invented pumpkin pie?

Oh, I believe it... It was the Pilgrims.

So sodomists invented pumpkin pie?

Evidently.

But it's got such a nice

image, pumpkin pie.

- Ralph.

- it's delicious.

Why don't you tell us about you?

I'd be happy to.

My name is Ralph Duncan,

I'm an inventor.

My main focus is the science

of physical self-preservation.

- Yes, please.

- Based on the exoskeletons of mollusks.

Imogene, why don't you tell us

something about yourself?

Imogene Duncan doesn't

have anyone to marry.

She doesn't have anywhere

to live right now.

And all of her stuff is gone,

except for this piece of sh*t.

But she used to be a writer.

And what did she used to write?

She could write the kind of

stuff that could trick people

into thinking she was the real deal.

Until they realized

that I was just an impersonator.

There is a very, very

odd taste to this soup.

And I can't catch it.

Cinnamon?

No. It's an herb.

I'm gonna go lay down for two minutes.

Excuse me.

Turmeric? Turmeric?

It's so sad. How long has she

had her drinking problem?

Like two days.

...36CXY, playing the sexiest

music from the '80s, '90s and today.

Remember this one?

You know, when I first met your mother,

I thought she was

the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

Oh, she was up on stage,

dancing in her little costume.

Are you saying Mom was a stripper?

Well, back then

they were called Go-Go dancers.

And I had never seen anything like her.

I mean, she was 19, a college dropout.

I had just gotten out of the Army,

and, you know,

when we first got married,

she went and got pregnant

and never even asked me.

I was just beginning to wonder

if I even loved her or not.

I was 21!

Can you even comprehend

how that must have felt?

Were you ever happy with her?

Look, I tried. Okay?

There was simply nothing to be done.

She wanted Ocean City,

and I needed more than that.

Why didn't you just take us with you?

What about when I was traveling?

You would have grown to resent me.

And that wouldn't have

been fair for any of us.

So, you thought it was fair

to just pretend like we didn't exist?

Didn't you love me more that way?

Didn't you miss us?

You were children, I barely knew you.

I mean, it's not like

you were fully-formed people.

I mean, honestly, can you actually say

that you really knew who I was?

You were my father.

I knew that I loved you.

Yeah, well, you must admit,

your mother was pretty...

She has her eccentricities,

but she didn't exactly have it

easy raising Ralph by herself.

Look, I want to say something to you.

Would you look at me?

Obviously I wasn't much of a father.

And I can see how that has done

some collateral damage to you,

as a woman.

So let me help you now.

How much money do you need?

If you can believe it, you actually

remind me a little bit of myself.

So, I guess that me helping you

is like me helping me, right?

Can you just tell me

where your nearest bathroom is?

Yes, it's down the hall.

Second door on your right.

- Excuse me.

- Mmm-hmm.

I've hit this thing

with sticks, rocks.

I've subjected it to wind tests.

Come on, Ralph, let's go.

- We're going home.

- What?

No, I want to do a

demonstration for Dad.

Well, you can show him another time.

Okay?

What? No, I want to do it right now.

You can't do it right now

because we're leaving.

Why are we leaving?

Because it's

time to leave, Ralph.

Doesn't he want to see it?

No.

He doesn't want to see it.

Do you want to talk about it?

Bubba?

Hey. It's just us.

What happened to you?

Dad's a piece of sh*t.

You saw him?

Wait.

You are a stupid shell!

You are a stupid, stupid shell!

Honey.

- Do you want something to eat?

- No!

Imogene?

Honey.

I get why you did it.

I get why you lied.

Honey. Tell me what happened.

Let's just say it was underwhelming.

As you predicted.

You know, um, there's a saying

in the samurai tradition.

The Bousche taught it to me.

It's something like,

"Sometimes you need to see the snake

"in the bush to know it's really there."

You know, maybe I was wrong.

Maybe you needed to see the snake.

Is that your version of an apology?

Well...

If I say I'm sorry,

then I'm worried that

you'll just get all mad

and yell at me for ruining your life.

And then I'll feel like sh*t. And I...

I just can't win with you, Imogene.

Well, maybe, just this once,

you can throw caution to the wind

and try saying it anyway,

and see what happens?

Well, okay.

Um...

I guess I'm sorry, you

know, for lying to you.

Even though it was for your own good.

And now you can see I

was right to do it.

- Thank you.

- Okay.

That's my flipper.

Oh, my God. I've been

looking for this forever.

I hope the other one's

still in my trunk.

Hello!

Is anyone home?

Oh, my God. It's George! He's back!

I knew he would come back to me!

Honey?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, honey.

I was so worried

that something had happened to you.

Is my sandwich ready?

Of course it is, sweetie.

I'll get it for you.

How's that apple, Lee?

Do you want potato chips?

Are they sour cream and onion?

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