GirlHouse Page #2

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Mm-hmm. No college for this

girl. Gary found me in Vegas.

- Stripping, or...

- No.

Making $5 foot-longs

at Subway.

Now she puts about 5

foot-longs in her subway

- each week.

- Yeah, for a lot more than $5.

Yeah!

Yeah, I go to Selby,

but that's not where I met Gary.

I was in a bikini contest

in South Beach,

he was judging. I offered to

blow him for first place.

- ...And?

- I didn't realize there was

a second judge,

and I came in second.

- Okay, what about you?

- What's your story?

- I'm from Topeka.

- Mm-hmm.

- Siblings?

- I'm an only child.

- What do your parents do?

- My mom is a housewife.

Hmm, sweet.

What about your dad?

He, um... He passed away.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

- Recently, or...

- Like, 3 months ago.

But anyway, I'm really happy

to know about

the off-camera room. I might

need to use the bathroom there

- until I get more comfortable.

- Yeah.

Some guys pay

serious coin for that.

- Ew!

- Shut, up, Devon,

- you f***ing love it.

- Okay, ladies, ladies,

- ladies, I think it's time...

- Oh... - Time...

- Time for what?

- To get naked!

Okay, boys. Here I am.

Okay, remember -

just you and your computer.

No tricks, but... m

aybe a few treats.

I don't know, Gare.

It's a little junior high to me.

Just give her a minute.

Oh, really?

Are you here for these?

Here we go, gang.

Damn, girl!

Nice rack.

Yes!

I knew this girl would kill.

Jimmy, time for dinner.

In a minute Mom,

I'm doing homework.

Dude, clean up your sh*t.

Dude, dude, shut up. You gotta

get in here and see this girl,

- right now. Right now!

- All right,

you can clean up later, then.

- F***in' way...

- I know, right? Hot as balls.

No, dude; I know that girl.

I'm serious, that's Kylie Atkins.

I went to school with her.

You know this creature?

Not possible.

- Okay...

- Dude, what are you doing?

- Why, are you in love with her?

- What? No!

Oh, my God. How long?

- Kindergarten.

- Does she know?... Naw, that makes sense.

You're a total dork, and she's...

...that.

You are a natural!

- I loved it. How did it feel?

- You know, just me and my computer.

Oh! It's Loverboy.

He's always on here.

He's a total sweetie.

You should say hi.

Sorry, Loverboy, you just missed

me. Can you come back tomorrow?

We'll chat one-on-one.

You bet.

That works, I'll look for you.

By the way, great handle.

Anyone with "love" in their name

is okay by me.

Anyone with "love" in their name

is okay by me.

Aw, yeah... Oh...

Wow.

You are really not

taking this well.

- Yo...

- Think about it this way, man.

From now on, you literally

get to jerk off

- to your dream girl.

- She goes to Selby College,

- actually.

- Like, Selby in Milton?

Mm-hmm.

Dude, that's like,

70 miles from here. You gotta go

get her. I'm serious; Dude,

she's not only right around the

corner, she's gettable.

"Gettable"?

Why, 'cause she's doing porn?

Exactly! Dude, it's got

self-esteem issues

- written all over it.

- No, you don't understand.

There must be an explanation.

Kylie was always

the hottest girl in Topeka,

but she was never... a slut.

How would you know that?

You said it yourself, you were

too much of a p*ssy to ever

talk to her, so why don't you

drop some fertilizer

down on those floors, and grow

your little apple seeds

into Granny Smiths

and go get her!

Mm-hmm, yes. Gonna do that.

F***ing gorgeous.

Drink up, buttercup!

We need to switch

shots for clothes.

- Strip war? Hell yeah!

- Yeah, yeah.

"Go-suck-

cock-for-a-liv-ing..."

F***!

Lady luck over here! What, did

you f*** a leprechaun

- last night?

- Shirt's off, sourpuss.

Perfect... Ahh!

You scared the crap out of me!

What are you doing here?

You know you're not supposed

- to be here.

- Gary's gonna be pissed.

Whatever. I had nowhere else to go.

I'm broke and homeless, okay?

Anyways, I'm clean now,

so I can come back.

- I highly doubt you're clean.

- And Gary's already replaced you.

What? You serious?

That's my bed!

- She's pretty.

- ...And nice.

...And not a heroin addict.

Gary, if you're watching,

I swear I'll be good

from now on.

Besides, you need some

latin panocha up in here,

give this house some flavour.

Look, I'm off the crank, I promise,

just give me one more chance.

You sure you wanna

give up on this?

He says you can stay

on the couch... for now.

Thank you so much, papi, I...

I won't let you down, I swear.

Okay, who's next?

I need you guys cheering for me!

Ready, girls?

Pay attention!

Whose turn is it?

Who's next?

Woo!

Is that coconut?

I've missed you.

: Gotcha now...

You got clean for me?

I knew it was coconut.

Hey.

Linda Lovelace, in the flesh.

Saw your show last night.

Definitely got me hard.

The house looks nice though - score. When

are you going to invite me over for tea?

No can do. The location

is top secret.

Really? What about all

the guys that come over

- to pork your brains out?

- They are blindfolded

- on the drive over.

- You're kidding.

- No.

- Kinky.

- Tell her yet?

- I'm really not too worried

about her logging on

and finding out, so... nope.

Kylie... Wow! Hey.

- Uh, hi...

- Yeah.

Ben Stanley. What are you

doing here, do you go to Selby?

No, I don't, actually, I go to

Old North Tech in Charlotte.

- But I have a chemistry lab

here, twice a week. - Oh.

So, wow! It's so good to see you.

Were you in Topeka this summer?

...Yeah.

- 'Cause I... I didn't see you.

- I didn't... get out much.

My... dad died.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

Wow... Well, I mean, I

didn't know your dad,

but if he contributed

to making you,

he must have been

pretty awesome.

You look different...

from high school.

Late growth spurt,

that's what that is.

- Well, it's good to...

- Hey, do you wanna...

Sorry, do you wanna maybe

go for coffee some time?

- Or like, a snack?

- "Snack"?

Yeah... I don't know

why I said snack.

Um... Yeah, that'd be great.

Cool, when... should we

do that?

- Gimme a call.

- Okay.

- Wait, is that the time?

- Yeah.

- I gotta go.

- Where? I'll walk you.

No, um... No, it's okay.

I... Across campus.

It's far away. Call me!

Hey, Loverboy, sorry I'm late.

Aww, not this girl.

Let's go private.

So... Do you want me

to get undressed?

Oh...

Just talk.

Okay, sure. I can do that.

What do you wanna talk about?

: Come on,

lover boy!

: Um.. The girls say

you're something of a regular.

I like that. Means you're loyal.

What do you do for work?

Oh, like programming?

How do you like that?

Oh, that's... nice.

Aww... Thanks, Loverboy.

You too.

What do you mean?

True, but sometimes

you can just tell.

Well, I'm sure

you're very handsome.

Are you sure you don't

want me to get undressed?

It's okay,

it's what I'm here for.

Sorry, Loverboy, can we

pick this up another time?

Wait, how did you do that?

Gary said this place was

impossible to hack...

Yes, Loverboy,

I think you're beautiful.

Bye.

It's weird, we've known

each other since...

Since kindergarten... I think.

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