Girls Trip Page #3

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Oh. Well, then, in that case,

let me go ahead and get those

three shots now and then

bring me a shot of Baileys

- once we get into cruising altitude.

- Oh, she...

- she about to turn up.

- Sure.

Oh, and let me get a Cherry Coke.

- Dina.

- Huh?

Can we just bring it down a notch?

Oh, can we get some dick this weekend?

- Leave her alone.

- You know what?

I need you to use your lady mouth.

I need you to use your lady mouth.

All right, all right.

Let's just use Lisa's

version of lady mouth.

No, seriously, for real, though...

how long has it been since

you got that back blown out?

I don't know. Two years, maybe.

- What?

- Wait.

Si-Since Terrence?

I don't know.

I mean, I take a vigorous spin class,

I read really intense erotica,

and I invested in a very powerful

detachable showerhead,

which has been very good to me, mind you.

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Okay, that story just

put me into menopause.

You getting some this weekend.

Straight up.

You gonna get at least

two d*cks inside of you.

For crying out loud, Dina,

we only gonna be there for three days.

Well, three d*cks, then.

Mm-hmm.

You know, Lisa, Dina could be right.

Daily penetration is medicinal.

Oh, my goodness.

Don't be ashamed, girl.

Every sister up in here

is on a mission to be her very best

- and ratchet self.

- Oh...

You, especially.

Who's ready for Essence Fest?

Yes!

See, Lisa? There is no turning down

up in here, only the turn-up.

I love turn-ups.

- Ma'am, excuse me.

- Oh, oh.

Excuse me, uh, I got this.

Can you go ahead and

make some Patrn shots

for everybody up here?

On me.

- I'm-a take care of everybody in first class.

- I'm sorry.

Because...

I'm every woman

It's all in me

Anything you want done, baby

I do it naturally

Whoa, whoa

- Whoa

- Yeah! Everybody say...

Flossy Posse!

It's all in me...

Let's see

- if we can find this driver.

- And get me a beignet.

- Oh, wait, wait, I see our sign!

- Ooh, ooh!

Yes!

- Hello.

- Oh, my goodness,

thank you so much.

Ooh!

- Ooh...

- Oh, my God!

Oh, God.

Thank you!

- Hey!

- Here you go.

Hey! Hey!

- A lovely day

- Lovely day, lovely day

Lovely day, lovely day

Lovely day, lovely day

Lovely day

- A lovely day

- Lovely day

Lovely day, lovely day

Lovely day, lovely day

- Lovely day, lovely day

- Aah!

Aw...

- Don't touch Elvis. That's Elvis.

- Oh...

Oh, God.

Oh...

Oh, shoot!

Oh, sh*t!

- Dina! Dina! Run, Dina!

- Dina! Run, Dina! - Dina!

F*** yeah!

That's some white boy sh*t right there.

Who's ready for a refill?

- Ooh.

- Dina,

I-I haven't even finished this one yet.

Girl, you used to finish

a super size Slurpee

filled with grain alcohol before noon.

- Mm-hmm. - True.

- That was before two beautiful

little human beings ripped out of my vagina

and sucked all the life out of my breasts.

I don't coochie-pop no more.

- Especially not...

- Ryan! - What...

We are your biggest fans.

Will you take a picture with us?

- Yes. Sure. Of course.

- We are your biggest fans.

- Oh, my God. My friends are over here.

- Damn.

This sh*t gonna be happening all weekend?

You know, I'm so proud of her.

Look at her.

It's like traveling with Beyonc.

Oh, my God.

Are you guys friends with Ryan?

- Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I'm a huge fan!

Here. This is for you.

- Here. Here. Yes.

- Oh, okay, thank you.

- Okay.

- That's so wonderful.

- Enjoy.

- Yes!

This is like traveling with Beyonc!

- Thank you so much. Aw.

- Girl, you so pretty.

Mm-mm, mm-mm. Hey,

hey, sister, sister,

- it's $50 a pop. $50 a pop. - $50?

- Hey,

- uh, Dina?

- Okay?

- I wouldn't do that.

- Who else trying

to take a picture with Ryan? It's $50.

We take American Express, EBT...

- You trying to go to jail?

- You want to get a picture?

- 'Cause you need a permit for all that.

- Girl...

- I ain't going to nobody's jail, okay?

- What the f***?

- We good? All right, sister.

- Lisa. Lisa.

Wait a minute, hold up.

- Can you believe this?

- Oh, my God.

What y'all trippin' off of?

Aw, hell no.

That can't really be...

That's definitely Stewart's punk ass,

and that's definitely not

Ryan he's tonguing down.

Where'd you get the picture?

My paparazzi guy sent it to me.

Who is this ratchet-ass b*tch?

Simone. Some Instagram ho.

I heard she sucked off A-Rod

- in the bathroom one time.

- Wait a minute,

all this NBA dick, and she's

sucking a baseball player?

You know what I'm saying?

That type of b*tch.

Oh, my God. I hate her, but you know what,

that ass is really cute.

Do you get that from squats

or is that injections?

Oh, sh*t... she here.

That little dirty b*tch Simone is here?

Okay, we got to tell Ryan.

So I had to go inwards and do

- to be able to do that.

- Oh, of course.

Handle that, Sasha.

Why I got to be the one?

- It's your picture, ho.

- Okay,

no matter what, we have

to do it delicately,

- because she's having a good time.

- You're welcome.

No, no, f*** that. You got to

do it like a Brazilian wax...

just yank everything out at once.

Now, she gonna feel like

her uterus is on the paper,

and she gonna scream,

but it's way better than

waterboarding the b*tch.

Can we at least wait till

we get back to the room?

Can we agree on that?

So, we have the most amazing suite

at the Monteleone,

VIP passes to all the parties,

and great seats at the

Superdome for New Edition,

Maxwell, and Doug E. Fresh!

And we are going to eat!

Damn the calories.

- Yup!

- Oh, yes, yes!

I'm gonna kill somebody.

What?

Now, I do have some obligations,

but the truth is this weekend

is all about the Flossy Posse.

We're gonna be staying up late,

drinking, making memories that we can

laugh about the rest of our lives,

- because that is what a girls trip is for.

- Yeah, word.

- YOLO.

- Ooh, I got to hide a b*tch body.

And gossip.

No secrets. I want all the dirt.

B*tch, your man is sleeping

with a Instagram skank.

You just had to say something, didn't you?

That was an opening.

That's God. Recognize.

Come on, Ryan. I need to...

I got to show you something.

Mmm.

Ryan, I don't... I don't

really know what to say.

You know we're here for

you for whatever you need.

Don't worry, boo.

I'm-a put hands on him.

I'm talking hot grits,

extension cords, Timberland boots.

I'm-a f*** up that

b*tch's Instagram account,

I'm-a put two Q-tips

in his pee-pee hole

and I'm-a walk 'em

around. I'm-a just wipe...

I'm-a just swipe in that thing

and I'm-a yank 'em out!

And then I'm-a stick

my fingers up in his ass

and tell him I'm checking his prostate,

but really I'm-a yank his balls

out the back of that motherf***er.

And then I'm-a put my fist

so far up his ass,

I'm-a pull his heart out

through that motherf***er and I'm-a

"nabi da Shakti de" that sh*t.

Just...

And then I'm-a stick my

fingers back up in his ass

and then I'm-a twirl 'em around

and see if that make

him giggle a little bit.

You know, 'cause I like to

make a motherf***er laugh

when I hurt him, you know what I'm saying?

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