Go Tell the Spartans Page #4

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- We will make them welcome.

Sir, you don't understand.

I understand my duty, sergeant.

Now, Corporal Lincoln, take

these ladies to the hospital...

and give them a health check.

Corporal Courcey,

I'll make you responsible...

for seeing

they have food and shelter.

Sir, Cowboy says

this is a Cong family.

They don't look

like communists to me.

Sir, I been in this f***in' war

for three years.

I still don't know

what a communist looks like.

Corporal Courcey, were

these people armed in any way?

No, sir.

Well, there you are, sergeant.

Carry on as directed,

Corporal Lincoln.

All right.

Tell the slopes to follow me.

Lincoln...

you better pop that little c*nt

full of penicillin...

before the whole barracks

comes down with the clap.

What's Boo Jum doing in the red?

Mung Tau ought to be in the red.

No, sir, Mung Tau is definitely

declining in incident ratio.

My flow chart indicates...

that the next

concentrated offensive...

will be against Boo Jum.

There hasn't been a shot fired

in Boo Jum in three months.

Sir, if you wish me

to explain...

the incremental

digital contingencies...

and the compatible

logistical projection...

by which the flow chart

has arrived at red for Boo Jum...

Forget it, forget it. It's got

the toughest fortifications...

of any of the outposts,

and Charlie knows it.

Hey!

Hey, major, where you going?

I mean, just in case

I get some traffic.

I'm going to Tapang,

to a boom-boom joint...

and get my ashes hauled, OK?

Sure. OK.

Thanks.

Be back by Charlie time.

World War II.

What?

That's what I call the major,

World War II.

Precisely.

On the hill!

I think it's Cong!

- How many?

- I just saw one.

- Right over there.

- Move it, move it!

Hit all three points!

Come on, move your ass!

Move it!

That's pretty good.

Little mothers might give

Charlie a show at that.

Come on!

Was that another drill,

sergeant?

No, sir. We got a contact.

Enemy scout overlookin' us

from the hill.

I spotted him

in the cemetery, sir.

He left this note.

Charlie likes to leave

calling cards, sir.

Better set ambush patrols

tonight and every night.

Of course, sergeant.

I'll lead one myself.

You might wanna wait till

you feel a little up to it, sir.

Courcey will take

one patrol tonight.

Cowboy will take the other.

Yeah, I think you ought

to get off your feet, sir.

Just stay sort of quiet.

Yes, sir, we might not

get much sleep tonight...

if Charlie probes us.

Yeah.

Well, I'll be in my quarters

if you need me.

Yes, sir.

Amoebic.

Yeah.

Fourscore

And

And seven

Years ago

Our fathers brought forth

on this continent

A new nation

Conceived in liberty

Dedicated

To the proposition

All men

Are created equal

Brave

Uh, men

Living and dead

Who struggled here

Have consecrated it

Far above our poor

Power to add

Or detract...

Fire!

Under God

Shall have a new

Birth, freedom

And that government

Of the people

By the people

For the people

Shall not perish

from the earth

Corporal!

Corporal, are you all right?

Your president is safe.

Get up, you doped-up bastard!

We got wounded gooks

on our hands!

That's a girl.

You're OK.

Major?

Yeah?

- Signal, sir.

- Ahem. Come on in.

- Want some coffee?

- Oh, thanks.

OK, shoot.

Uh...

Mung Tau had a couple snipers

last night. That's all.

Lieutenant What's-His-Face

moved Mung Tau...

on down into the yellow.

Red's in the clear now.

I had a signal

from Lieutenant Hamilton...

about that little action

over at Muc Wa last night...

if you want me

to read it to you.

Mmm. Go ahead.

"From Operation Blaze

to Thunderhead.

Sir, we have met the enemy,

and they are ours."

You dirty rat.

You sneaked up on me.

I don't believe it.

Swear to God.

That's what he says.

What else does it say?

Uh, signal goes on to say...

the attack consisted

of twelve rounds of mortar fire.

There were two light casualties.

Mortar was knocked out

by an ambush patrol...

led by Corporal Courcey,

four Cong killed.

Courcey, huh? Hmm.

So, the draftee

got himself bloody.

Well, what do you know?

Commend Hamilton, and tell him

to pass it on to the draftee.

Yes, sir.

F***ing draftee.

Hello, little girl.

A-OK!

What are you doin', corporal?

I'm shortening fuses

to one second for the sergeant.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

He's gonna plant grenades

in front of the barbed wire...

with trip loops on 'em.

How do you feel, sir?

Oh, fine, corporal. I'm about

recovered from my bout.

Corporal, that little girl's

standing out there in the rain.

Well, what does she want?

I think she wants me.

You're joking.

She's just a child.

Cowboy says she's fourteen.

Well, you're not going to,

corporal.

That's strictly

against the rules for us.

No, sir. I'm not going to.

Oh, sir.

I finally got

those graves counted.

Exactly three hundred and two.

They were brave men, corporal.

They fought the battle

and lost...

but we won't lose.

We're Americans.

I got a schedule, sir.

I'm gonna pin my leaves on

before I'm twenty-eight.

I'm gonna have my eagles

before I'm thirty-two.

When I'm thirty-eight...

I'm gonna have a star.

Maybe two.

General Alfred by-God Olivetti.

That's my schedule, sir.

Very proper schedule, Al.

Very proper, indeed.

Just like an express train.

And you'll do it, too.

You'll do it

because you got the...

you got the coal,

and you got the steam.

But watch out for

those f***ing block signals.

Well, how... how do you mean, sir?

Well, did you ever

ask yourself, Al...

why after two wars

and a bucketful of medals...

I'm still a major?

Well, I wasn't gonna

ask that, sir.

Booze and pudenda.

Oh, I could handle the booze,

all right...

but it was the pudenda

that got me.

I don't know that word, sir.

Well, in politer circles,

I think they call it p*ssy.

Don't laugh, son.

Listen, in the Pentagon,

there's a secret vault...

and nobody has the key

but the chief of staff.

He wears it around his neck.

And in that vault is

a list of names of officers...

who are not gentleman.

Now, any time an officer

comes up for promotion...

the chief steals into that vault

and runs down the list.

If the officer's name is

on that list, zap, no promotion.

I'm on that list.

I'm not a gentleman.

Oh, I was once, yes, but...

there's a certain general...

I won't tell you his name

or how many stars he wears...

but I was his aide for a while,

right after moving up to major.

And he had a wife...

who was some twenty years

younger than he...

and I guess

he wasn't up to snuff...

in the conjugal department...

because it wasn't long before

I found myself being groped.

But I was a gentleman, Al,

and this was my general's lady.

And I tried to be courteous and

remain upright at all times...

but, sh*t, how long

can a fella remain upright...

when he's being

crawled all over...

every time the general goes out

to take a pee or something?

Not long, right?

Well, finally, I screwed her.

Big mistake, Al, big mistake.

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