Go Tell the Spartans Page #5

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I thought

I'd cool her off some...

but it turned out

that I got hooked.

She was the hottest thing

I ever had in all my life.

Wow.

Thereafter, I found myself

humping her...

on any and every occasion,

in all fashions known to man.

Then one night

there was a big to-do...

at an embassy in Washington...

and I accompanied

the general and his lady.

Very prestigious affair.

Even the president was there.

And while the general

was brown-nosing...

around the president...

the lady and I

slipped out into the garden.

You know what a gazebo is?

Well, it's a big bird-cage

piece of junk...

that sits in gardens

covered with rose vines.

The lady and I slipped quietly

into this dark little bower...

and she sat

with her back to the door...

while I remained standing...

keeping a sharp lookout

all around...

whereupon she proceeded

to make love to me, orally.

Well, as you well know...

there comes a time

in the sexual encounter...

when a fellow is apt to lose

interest in the surroundings...

which is precisely

what I was guilty of doing...

and when things

swam into focus...

the first thing I saw

was the general...

standing in the arch...

pink roses

all around his old gray head...

and next to him

was the ambassador's wife...

and you-know-who.

The president?

Of the United States, on a tour

of the embassy gardens.

Jesus H. Christ.

There are stronger words

for that situation, Al...

like gee whiz and, oh, gosh,

and golly...

because the lady,

with her back to the door...

didn't know they were there...

and she had not yet

ceased operations.

And that's why,

after all these years...

I'm still a major.

What did you do?

Do?

When you saw 'em standing there.

I did the only thing

I've ever been trained to do.

I saluted.

What the hell

are you doing in my office?

Posting the incident flow

priority indicator, sir.

At this hour

of the goddamn night?

I thought it was important, sir,

in Muc Wa.

What the f*** is Muc Wa

doing in yellow?

The parables, sir.

Oh, screw the parables.

Muc Wa's nowhere.

Cong don't give a sh*t

about Muc Wa.

If you'll permit me

to explain, sir.

You're just trying

to make trouble for me.

You know that, God damn it.

Sir, there's a definite...

general converging

of incidents...

toward the vicinity

of Muc Wa, sir.

Oh, Christ.

Get up off the goddamn floor.

- Toffee!

- Present, sir.

Get Muc Wa on the horn.

Maybe they're asleep, sir.

They can't afford to sleep.

Wake 'em up.

Oleo, come in, Oleo.

What's your situation?

I got Cong on 2-7-2.

I'm buggin' off before

they cut us off from the river.

As soon as we hit the water

and clear the bank...

tear the goddamn jungle up

behind us.

Do you read me, Muc Wa? Over?

5-5, Oleo, we'll cover.

He's retreating

to the river, sir.

He wants cover fire

to make the crossing.

How can I do that?

Cowboy, get me a fire team.

Ackley, stay here

with the machine gun.

Good, good! Sergeant Nguyen.

Come on, Cowboy.

Team one.

I'll call it.

They're right on my ass!

You better get cover!

We got you!

Here we come!

Fire!

- Blow the charge?

- No! Get the fire team back.

They're comin' in now.

Sergeant, sergeant.

You left one of your men

out there.

Well, Christ, lieutenant,

we wasn't lookin' back.

- I'll get him in, sir.

- Damned if you will, Courcey.

Charlie's zeroed in on him,

just waiting for a sucker.

I'll get him myself, corporal,

but thank you for volunteering.

Didn't you hear what I said?

You're not in command here,

sergeant.

You don't see

any of those gooks...

running out there for him,

do you?

God damn it,

he's their buddy, not ours!

You will lay down an enfilade

fire, and I'll go out under it.

Enfilade, defilade...

Charlie's like a mole...

God damn it!

They're dug in by now!

You better listen to me.

Carry out my order, sergeant.

He's crazy.

Sir. Sir, listen.

He's stopped calling.

He's probably dead by now.

Don't you see I have

to go out there, Courcey?

- Don't you see that?

- Sir! Sir.

Cover him.

OK, soldier, I'm here.

You'll be OK now.

By God, Asa, I was right!

They don't want us in Muc Wa.

They don't want us

anywhere, sir.

Asa, it's a key defense point.

Look how quick

the Cong moved in.

The Cong moved in because they

knew it was a weak point, sir.

What's the reaction time

for your reinforcements?

With luck I can get air support

in about thirty minutes.

I'm not talking about

air support.

I'm talking about infantry...

bodies, fella.

How long does it take you...

to get your reinforcements

in there?

Two or three days, maybe.

Where the hell

are your reserves, Bangkok?

Sir, I have to get

my reserves...

from the province chief,

Colonel Minh.

Colonel Lard-ass Minh.

Well, ask him

to be ready to move.

I have to make a deal

with him, sir.

He don't lend support

for nothing.

Christ!

We're trying to help

these people fight the reds...

and they throw blocks into us.

The only way

we're gonna win this war...

is to get United States

combat troops in here.

All right, you do

what you have to do...

to get those reserves

and beef up Muc Wa.

By God, we can't let those...

scroungy little

jungle buggers...

chase the American

Advisory Command off a post.

Can we?

Sergeant?

We're ready to bury

the lieutenant, sir.

Sir?

We're ready.

We're gonna bury the lieutenant.

Dumb jerk-off.

We can't just

shovel dirt on him.

You've buried men before.

You know what to say

and what to do...

and you're in command now.

Sh*t on it.

What's the matter with you?

Look, you owe it

to the lieutenant to honor him.

The man he was trying to save

was in your squad.

You left him

out there in the mud.

He was a dink.

I'm sick and tired of

the goddamn fish-stinkin' dinks.

Courcey, I was soldiering...

when you were crapping

in your diapers.

Don't you tell me

how to do my job!

Get the f*** out of here!

Sarge...

Leave me be, kid.

I've had it.

When did you take this?

About a half hour ago, I guess.

Yeah?

OK.

You still want that C.I. B?

You're the new commander

at Muc Wa.

Chopper's taking you in.

Take a look at this.

If they hit, they'll hit from

the north and from the west.

Concentrate your defense

on those two fronts.

Yeah.

Right. Yes, sir.

I'll get my gear together.

Oh...

I read the signal on Oleo, sir.

It's too bad him

going off his rocker like that.

Two-bit war wasn't worth it.

Or that kid Hamilton.

Al...

If I can't wangle reinforcements

out of Colonel Lard-ass...

you bug out of there

at your own discretion.

Run like hell.

It'd be

the end of my career, sir.

Harnitz would see to that.

I'll take care of Harnitz.

Just don't be a hero.

Comment allez-vous, major?

- Very well, thank you.

- Ah.

A drink?

- Always.

- Ah.

To the U.S. Of A.

I thank you.

To the Republic

of South Vietnam.

Ah, merci. Merci beaucoup.

Please, sit.

Thank you.

The colonel

has considered your request...

for three hundred

additional troops...

but at this time,

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