Goat Page #3

---

Right.

So you're a business major,

like your fag brother here,

or what?

No.

No, I don't really

have a major yet.

I'll probably just

wait and see.

Cool. Nice.

Good luck with that.

All right, Well, I left

Chance on the grill.

I got to make sure

he's not f***ing

the burgers. So...

See you, dude.

What the f*** was that?

What?

All that "good times"

bullshit?

Bro, they're not gonna

let you in here

just 'cause you're my brother.

I can't...

Yeah, I f***ing

know that.

'Cause they're weird

about that sh*t.

You need to f***ing

shake their hand,

look 'em in the eye,

let 'em know

you wanna be here.

All right. What do you

f***ing want me to do?

I want you to

just have fun.

-Okay.

-And just chill out.

-Okay.

-Right now though,

take a f***ing

shot of this.

Some man sh*t.

Then we're gonna have

a good time, all right?

Come on.

Let's go.

There you go.

Are you good?

Holy sh*t. Yeah.

[man] All right.

Who's this up in

my motherfucking house?

Oh, sh*t!

Look who it is.

What's going on, man?

Chance!

How you doing, brother?

-How are you, brother?

-Oh, man. I'm good.

Good to see you.

Yeah, welcome back.

Yo, this is Mitch.

-What's up, Mitch?

-Hey, how you doing?

-Baity.

-All right.

Yo, class of 2000.

Craziest motherf***er to

come through this school.

-Aw, maybe. Maybe.

-Craziest motherf***er to

come through this school.

-Maybe.

-Maybe.

-[boy] Mitch? Mitch?

-What!

[Mitch] What's up,

you f***ing p*ssy?

You f***ing animal.

Get the f*** down here,

you f***ing f*ggot

and suck my cock

right now!

Show me some

f***ing respect!

Now!

Yo, beer.

Oh.

Yo, just one.

I got to go.

"One." [scoffs]

I got to get back

to Vanessa and the kid.

I got a kid now, bro.

-You got a kid?

-I got a f***ing kid now.

F*** that, Dad.

Don't call me

f***ing "Dad".

-Yo, f*** you, man.

-F***ing "Dad".

-F*** you!

-F*** you!

[all cheering]

[boy] He's back, baby!

-[boy 1]

Line it up. Line it up.

-[boy 2] Here. Right here.

[all] Cheers.

For the boys.

-Hey.

-[Chance] You guys know Mitch?

What's up, brother?

-Brad?

-Yeah.

Hey, is this the motherf***er

who got his ass beat?

[Chance] Yo, Brad got jumped

by some dickless

piece of sh*t, man.

It's bullshit.

Brad...

That can't f***ing happen.

-You hear me?

-Yeah.

You know why?

This is Phi Sigma Mu.

Okay?

We're gentlemen.

We don't like to fight,

but if we gotta fight,

then we all fight.

Do you hear what

I'm saying?

Some motherf***er

wants to go

through Chance,

they gotta go through

all of us.

They wanna

f*** with Brett,

they're going through

all of us!

It's the same with you.

-Do you hear what

I'm saying?

-Yeah.

Punch me in the face.

-What?

-Punch me in the f***ing face.

-No, dude.

-Punch me in the face!

Punch me in

the f***ing face!

-I'm not gonna f***ing punch--

-Do it!

All right.

Punch me in

the f***ing stomach.

Punch me in the stomach.

Punch me in the stomach.

-Punch me in the stomach.

-[all hollering]

[all yelling]

[yelling]

Punch me in the stomach.

Give me a slap.

Slap my f***ing--

-Oh!

-Slap me.

Slap me.

[yelling]

To the greatest group

of gentlemen

the civilized world

has ever known.

[all] Phi Sigma Mu!

Holy Phi Sigma Mu,

we are brothers

through and through.

Seldom cuss

and never lie,

we are brothers

till we die.

Holy Phi Sigma Mu,

we are brothers

through and through.

Seldom cuss

and never lie,

we are brothers

till we die.

[all cheering]

[cell phone vibrating]

I don't know.

Are you guys sure?

I still think these

are too big.

Oh, my God.

Will, relax man.

You look fine.

How do you guys

feel about Hell Week, huh?

Dude, if one more person

asks me

that f***ing question...

They're just trying

to scare us, man.

I don't know, Baity.

They did say something

about a goat.

They're trying to

f***ing scare us.

[imitates goat bleating]

[chuckling]

F***ing goat.

[guys cheering]

[cheering continues]

Yo, she's

f***ing cute, dude.

Have you ever f***ing...

Have you ever had

sex with a stripper?

No, have you?

All the time.

No, no.

[guys continue cheering

and hollering]

You guys wanna

get out of here?

You wanna

get out of here?

I have

a surprise for you.

[cheering continues]

[speaking indistinctly]

-No, dude.

-No, dude.

Pledges are not allowed

in the f***ing legacy room.

You know what else pledges

aren't allowed to do?

Smoke my

f***ing Cuban cigars.

Oh, sh*t.

Holy sh*t.

Is this real?

Yeah, dude.

My dad gives

them to me for my birthday.

Oh, sh*t.

You got it?

You good?

I'm going places.

We're smart f***ing dudes.

You know?

We're going to do

sh*t with our lives.

Big sh*t.

And these

f***ing dudes...

I love them,

but they're f***ing

trashy dudes, man.

They suck.

They're just not going...

They're not

going anywhere, man.

Brookman's kind of

a shitty school.

No, it's not.

It's not.

Stand the f*** up.

This is a celebration.

This is a celebration.

-You're good.

-No, 'cause we're...

-I've known him

my whole life.

-That's true.

And now we're brothers.

-F***ing brothers.

-And now we're brothers

forever, dude.

You know, my dad...

F*** that guy, man.

That guy hates

my f***ing guts.

I'm so f***ing glad

you guys are here.

[Brett] I'm f***ing glad

we're here too, man.

Yo, you guys...

Dude...

You know, I f***ing

love you guys.

-You good?

-I'm good.

[laughing]

-Yo...

-Hey...

Yo...

-Phi Sig, dude?

-Phi Sig for life.

Phi Sigma.

Phi Sigma.

[cell phone vibrating]

Hello?

[man] Get your ugly goat

ass to the house in

11 minutes or you're dead.

What?

[line disconnects]

[cell phone vibrating]

You started on

the wrong foot, goats.

You're all late.

If any one of you

are ever late again,

I will rip your

shriveled balls off

and shove 'em down

your f***ing esophagus.

Is that understood?

I said

is that understood?

I wanna hear you say,

"Sir, yes, sir!"

[all] Sir, yes, sir.

I am your pledge master.

And you...

are my b*tches.

Is that understood?

[all] Sir, yes, sir!

Don't you f***ing

look at them.

You look at me

and only me.

When I see Dave Reed,

I don't wanna see

Dave f***ing Reed.

I wanna see a mesh...

of all your faces...

in one.

One pledge.

Look at me, goat.

One pledge

of the Phi Sigma Mu.

Let me hear your

motherfucking pledge!

[all] All my strength

is in my union.

All my danger

is in discord.

Therefore be at

peace henceforth,

as brothers live together.

Good. Very good.

Welcome to

hell week, goats!

[metal music playing]

[shouting indistinctly]

-[music continue]

-[all clamoring]

Now!

Go, go, go, go go!

Let's go!

Drink it.

Go on, you f***.

What the f*** did

you swallow?

Go, go, go, go go!

[shouting indistinctly]

Drink.

Quick! Drink!

Drink! Drink!

Drink.

Drink that sh*t!

Look at me.

You have no friends.

Nobody's f***ing

looking out for you.

Nobody f***ing loves you.

Say, "I'm a f*ggot

and nobody loves me."

[boy] I'm a f*ggot

and nobody loves me.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote