God Bless America

in order to get outside

and get this guy in a rear naked choke,

and he passes out.

- Oh, f***. Really?

- Yeah.

- That's terrible.

- No, it was awesome.

I'm Robbie Barkley, and you're

watching "Hollywood Extreme."

And another young man

comes forward with allegations

that he was sexually molested

by Michael Jackson

while visiting the Neverland Ranch.

His parents claimed

to keep the secret under wraps

because they loved his music.

Why don't they

just leave him alone?

All Michael ever wanted to do

was make people happy.

That's all he wanted to do.

You know, people don't know

what happened

between him and those kids.

They weren't there.

They're just a bunch of jealous haters.

I hate people who say bad things

about Michael Jackson.

I f***ing hate haters!

I hate my neighbors.

The constant cacophony of stupidity

that pours from their apartment

is absolutely soul-crushing.

And you know what?

And I looked him right in the eye.

I go, "You're retarded," and then I

punched him right in the face.

It doesn't matter

how politely I ask them

to practice some common courtesy.

They're incapable of comprehending

that their actions affect other people.

They have a complete lack

of consideration for anyone else

and an overly developed sense

of entitlement.

They have no decency,

no concern, no shame.

They do not care that I suffer

from debilitating migraines

and insomnia.

They do not care

that I have to go to work

or that I want to kill them.

I know it's not normal to want to kill.

But I also know

that I am no longer normal.

I hate that baby.

I hate that baby's fat, stupid face.

Hey, buddy.

What's wrong?

A lot.

I'm Robbie Barkley,

and this has been "Hollywood"...

Take it easy, bro.

I'm not your bro.

Oh, God!

Please don't shoot!

I have a baby!

Look at this, look at this.

This is just tragic.

Oh, God.

What is wrong with Lindsay Lohan?

She used to have a lot of potential.

I don't know what happened.

It's the most

hilarious ringtone ever!

Just text P-I-G-F-A-R...

Controversial Reverend

Artemus Goran

and his supporters

are back in the news.

This time protesting

at a cancer victim's funeral.

God hates fags!

God hates fags!

God hates fags!

- VELOCitea.

- VELOCitea.

It's in your face.

Coming up on "Tuff Gurlz"...

Listen, you skank,

don't you

Did you poop in my food?!

What? What?

You b*tch!

I think she's a traitor

and should be tried for treason.

Look, just because

she lost her son in the war

does not give her the right

to disrespect

all of our brave sons and daughters

who are serving our country right now.

Frankly, I think

her son's better off dead,

because now he doesn't have

to see the jerk

that his mother has turned into.

And, now, I know, I know.

Before you all start

flying off the handle with,

"Oh, Mike, how can you be

so heartless?"

let me remind you,

there's three things I love...

my mother, my country,

and the men and women

who fight the fight over there

so we don't have to fight it here.

That's it for "Fuller Talk."

You've heard the end of the statement.

Remember to order

all your "Fuller Talk" products

at the 800 number

at the bottom of the screen.

We've still got plenty

of T-shirts available.

Remember, two for...

The boys were caught

after setting the homeless man on fire

and then posting video footage

of the attack online.

Dumb Nutz!

Dumb Nutz!

Oh

Dude, are you all right?

Dumb Nutz!

We have a press

that just gives him a free pass

because he's black

so he doesn't have to work hard

like the rest of us

who play by the rules.

That... is the world we live in,

ladies and gentlemen.

- What's your name?

- Steven Clark.

What are you singing for us,

Steven Clark?

# Do you know

where you're going to? #

What?

# Do you... like the things

that life is showing you? #

# Where are you going to? #

# Do you know? #

# Do you get what you're hoping for? #

# When you look behind you,

there's no open door #

I'm stopping you.

- # What are you hoping for? #

- Okay, okay, stop.

I'm hoping that you'll stop.

Stop, please.

You are kidding me, right?

You're wasting our time, Steven.

What are you doing?

Stop bowing.

Just stop everything and listen to me.

Do...

Do you have a mental problem?

No.

Go get some psychiatric help.

I'll see you in Hollywood.

Uh, I can't answer that question.

He also killed

his wife and mother,

bringing the total

to 16 dead and 33 wounded,

all in one tragic afternoon.

A former altar boy and Eagle Scout,

he climbed the University of Texas

clock tower in 1966

and, using his high-powered

rifles and Marine training,

he became America's first spree killer.

Meet Steven Clark,

the newest star

from last night's "American Superstarz."

Now, if you missed the show,

you might want

to plug your ears for this one.

# Do you know

where you're going to? #

# What are you hoping for? #

Okay, okay, stop.

I'm hoping that you'll stop.

That's my favorite part of the show,

when they have the crazies on.

I know.

I feel so guilty for laughing,

but it is so funny.

Wake up!

This is ridicu...

- Good morning.

- Yeah?

- Who is it?

- You blocked me in again.

You blocked yourself in, bro.

Okay.

Could you move your car?

I'm running kind of late.

Now?

Yeah.

Tell him to park his car

away from us.

Fine.

Do you know

where the remote is?

Dude, you need

to leave yourself more room.

Right.

In fact,

cannot read

above a fourth-grade level.

When high schoolers were asked

what living American

they would want to be,

the majority of girls

answered Kim Kardashian,

and the majority of boys

answered any male cast member

on the "Jersey Shore."

We are listener-supported radio.

We can only stay on the air with...

I'm really late, Ed.

How about you remember

how to park your f***ing car?

Hey, if he plays this well

with one testicle,

maybe the whole team should get cancer.

Oh!

Send all angry letters

and cards to the E-Man here.

What?

Okay, well, I'm the bad guy, all right?

What? I'm just saying

what you're all thinking.

This ain't your daddy's sports show.

The mucho macho grande

burrito machismo experience.

It's extreme.

This is my favorite part

of "American Superstarz,"

when they have the retards on.

- I know what you mean.

- This thing is great!

We're giving you

backstage passes, and all you have to do

is touch her on the tit

and then maybe box a little bit.

Jesus, how long have you

worked on this show,

and you don't know

how to screen the dirty girls?

We want to see blood,

we want to see tears,

we want to see one

of you whores get knocked out.

Hit her in her defective tit.

Hi.

What's up? You called.

I was just trying to figure out

what time to pick up Ava tomorrow.

Ava says she doesn't want to visit you.

Yeah, well, she's going to.

Frank, I can't make her.

Yes, you can.

You're the adult.

Put her on the phone.

All right.

Hey, Ava, honey...

It's your dad.

I'm doing something important.

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