God Bless America Page #2

Well, maybe you can press "pause"?

But I'm almost to the next level!

Hit "pause."

Hi, Daddy.

Hey, kid!

You excited to come see me tomorrow?

I want to stay with mommy.

Why?

Because there's nothing to do

at your house.

What do you mean there's nothing to do?

We do lots of stuff.

We play in the park, we go to the zoo,

we make art.

Your house is boring!

Well, you're coming to see me.

Do you have a present for me?

No.

Hey.

Where'd she go?

She just handed the phone back.

You know, I should have never let you

move her out of town.

Frank, she didn't like to come visit you

even when we lived in Syracuse.

All right, well, Alison,

see what you can do

about changing her mind, okay?

Bye.

So, we're done talking?

No, Brad.

Oh, hey, listen, um...

I'm not sure I remembered to tell you,

but, um...

Brad and I are getting married.

Well, tell Brad, uh...

when he's down there

to smell my balls, all right?

Frank says hi.

Tell him hi back.

Bye, Ava!

Alison, get her to come, okay?

It means everything to me.

God, Frank, I'll try, all right?

You are such a drama queen.

Drama queen!

Drama queen!

Daddy is a drama queen!

Yeah, thanks.

Hi, Karen.

Hi.

Oh, uh...

here's that book

I was telling you about.

Thanks.

True, true.

But you know what I was thinking?

If he plays that good

with only one testicle,

maybe the whole team should get cancer.

Oh, killed it, boss!

I can't believe you said that!

Oh, come on, I'm just saying

what you're all thinking.

Oh, my God!

I feel so bad for him. Is he for real?

Yes, he's for real.

He was on "Fat Boy" this morning.

That's real all right... real bad!

Oh! You're real bad!

I think he's good.

Not!

You scared me.

You had me.

I think I hurt my back

on that one!

You probably like him secretly.

See? Right there.

# Do you like the things

that life is... #

Here comes his pitchy part.

Yeah.

# Where are you going to? #

Oh!

# ...what you're hoping for? #

# When you look behind you,

there's no open door #

# What are you hoping for? #

So, what about you, Frank?

Did you see that freak

on "American Superstarz" last night?

What?

Last night, the freak

on "American Superstarz"?

No.

I mean, yes,

I saw that guy accidentally.

I don't watch "American Superstarz."

You don't watch it, but you saw him.

Yeah, right.

What, are you too good for the show?

Yeah, I'm too good for a karaoke contest

that makes stars

out of people with no talent.

You can't say that, dude!

Some of those kids have real talent.

No, they don't.

They have good pitch.

They're relatively clean.

They're non-threatening

to little girls and old ladies.

They have the ability to stand in line

with a stadium full of other

desperate and confused people.

But I assure you, they are talent-free.

Yeah, well, I bet 32 million people

would disagree with you, bro,

'cause that's how many people called in

to vote last year on the finale.

I wish I was a super-genius inventor

and could come up with a way

to make a telephone

into an explosive device

that was triggered

by the "American Superstarz"

voting number.

The battery could explode

and leave a mark on the face

so I could know who to avoid talking to

before they even talked.

Yeah, I could look and say,

"Mm, no, you're not gonna be

saying anything

that's gonna add any value to my life."

Yeah, but it's funny.

I mean, you gotta admit that.

Steven Clark, that's funny sh*t, Frank.

It's not nice to laugh

at someone who's not all there.

It's the same type

of freak-show distraction

that comes along every time

a mighty empire starts collapsing.

"American Superstarz"

is the new Colosseum.

And I won't participate

in watching a show

where the weak are torn apart

every week for our entertainment.

I'm done, really.

Everything is so cruel now.

I just want it all to stop.

I feel sorry

for Jennifer Aniston.

Oh, yeah, it's tragic.

You know, and I don't care

how many foreigners she adopts,

I do not like Angelina Jolie.

Me either!

I mean, nobody talks

about anything anymore.

They just regurgitate

everything they see on TV

or hear on the radio

or watch on the web.

When was the last time you had

a real conversation with someone

without somebody texting

or looking at a screen

or a monitor over your head?

You know, a conversation

about something

that wasn't celebrities, gossip, sports,

or pop politics?

You know, something...

something important

or something personal?

You know what?

"Tate and Jeff" were talking

about that this morning.

They were saying how their freedom

of speech is in jeopardy.

What, you don't listen to them, either?

No, I don't.

What, are you more of

a "K.T. and the Snake Pit" type of guy?

'Cause those guys are pussies,

Frank, all right?

And they stole everything they got

from "Tate and Jeff."

I really don't like any of them.

How can you say that, bro?

So, maybe they're not

"politically correct,"

but it's funny, Frank.

Well, seeing how as I'm not afraid

of foreigners or people with vaginas,

I guess I'm just not

their target audience.

You don't get it.

If you got it,

you wouldn't be so offended.

Oh, I get it, and I am offended.

Not because I got a problem

with bitter, predictable,

whiny millionaire disc jockeys

complaining about celebrities

or how tough their life is,

while I live in an apartment

with paper-thin walls

next to a couple of Neanderthals

who, instead of a baby,

decided to give birth

to some kind of nocturnal

civil defense air-raid siren

that goes off every f***ing night

like it's Pearl Harbor.

I'm not offended that they act

like it's my responsibility

to protect their rights to pick

on the weak like pack animals

or that we're supposed to support

their freedom of speech

when they don't give a f***

about yours or mine.

So you're against freedom of speech now?

That's in the Bill of Rights, man.

I would defend their freedom of speech

if I thought it was in jeopardy.

I would defend their freedom of speech

to tell uninspired, bigoted blow-job,

gay-bashing racist and rape jokes

all under the guise of being edgy,

but that's not the edge.

That's what sells.

They couldn't possibly pander any harder

or be more commercially mainstream,

because this is the "Oh, no,

you didn't say that" generation,

where a shocking comment

has more weight than the truth.

No one has any shame anymore,

and we're supposed to celebrate it.

I saw a woman throw a used tampon

at another woman last night

on network television,

a network that bills itself

as "Today's Woman's" channel.

Kids beat each other blind

and post it on YouTube.

I mean, do you remember

when eating rats and maggots

on "Survivor" was shocking?

It all seems so quaint now.

I'm sure the girls

from "Two Girls, One Cup"

are gonna have their own

dating show on VH1 any day now.

I mean, why have a civilization anymore

if we no longer are interested

in being civilized?

Frank...

Can I see you in my office?

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