God Help the Girl Page #7

When you were shagging Anton?

No.

What, when you were so mental

you couldn't even

get dressed properly?

Maybe.

Maybe I didn't fancy you then.

You f***ing did.

James.

Mm?

I wanna tell you something else.

At the start of the summer,

just before I left the hospital,

this woman came to cut hair,

and when it was my turn,

out of the blue she just

started talking to me

and telling me that she healed

people while she cut their hair.

You didn't think

she was just some nut?

By that time I was

a nut's best friend, remember?

So anyway, a couple of weeks ago

when I wasn't doing so well

I went to her house.

So did she cut your hair again?

No, she...

she told me to lie down.

She had this massage couch.

She put a blanket over me

and she told me that she

practiced Christian healing.

And I said, "What if you don't

believe in Jesus?"

She said it would

still do me good.

You don't believe in Jesus?

Well, I know he was a man,

I just don't know how much

of the story to believe.

So, anyway, I shut my eyes,

and I imagined the desert,

you know, like a Christmas card

with camels in.

And then I thought,

"What if the woman's hands were

his hands, would that help me?"

And nothing happened.

But then...

my eyes were tight shut,

but I...

I know this sounds stupid,

but I felt like there was

a man standing over me.

And I was too scared to open

my eyes up, I couldn't move.

It was a strange moment,

but it was like I knew that

this was my chance, like,

like I could decide my own fate.

So I started saying to myself,

"I want to be better.

I want to be well.

I want to be better,

I want to be well."

Over and over.

And I suppose that was a prayer.

After, did you feel any better?

I mean, a few days later

I started feeling much worse.

You know, seriously panicking,

paralyzed in bed.

What about now?

I feel...

different.

It's like she sort of

cleaned me out or something.

Um, do you think you'll

still play the show?

Yeah, I will.

Just don't...

don't tell Cass I'm leaving,

okay, just not yet.

Okay.

It was that sort of scrubby,

huge Jiffy bag on reception.

Opened it, what did

we find in there?

The world's last cassette.

We had to roam the streets

looking for an old car

and break into it with

a wire coat hanger,

and play the cassette

in the car,

and then we got arrested.

Which means even if I could,

I can't get along to

the old school house

where God Help the Girl

is playing.

But anyway, you have a good gig,

don't worry about us.

One-two-three-four.

I fried my head,

I'm not a brunette

I'm a down and dusky blonde

I am living in a tree

When I lie in bed I see

Beyond my brother's head,

the moon, I hear the rain

I am conscious of my voice

as a tool, it's more demure

Than your friend,

the singing queen

With her matinee good looks

She talks like

talking from a book

I speak the language

of my village, of my street

But I need a friend,

and I choose you

I'll tell you the way I feel

The truth is crushing

like a heel

I will forget the kiss

and feel if you will, too

It's drag that

you're getting old

I'd love to think

about the year

When we sobbed,

and then we cheered

The town deserted

like a film

Your torso crushing me

Into the country

And the tunnels,

and the fields

I read a book a day

like an apple

But I did not eat

And so the doctor came to me

She said,

"A woman does not live

By the printed word

Forgive yourself and eat"

Autumn sped along outside

Trick photography on speed

I was locked inside a room

They made a deal,

they would control

The simple things

like bodies

But I kept my soul

When I needed someone

I chose you

Because the fledgling soul

awakes

And on the balcony

she quakes

And she is waiting

for the sign

And when her brother

does not come

And when the sister's

much too young

She chooses you

Just wait one minute,

and I'll walk you down.

Okay, I get that

most of the things

that Eve says about me are true.

I think she thinks I'm too

opinionated and bitter.

I know she thinks I just

wanna be comfortable.

But what's so bad about that?

At least it's an ambition.

I just want a period

of controlled happiness.

Yeah, but you do it at

the expense of living,

of all experimentation,

of all...

Wai... wait a minute, you don't

get to come in here.

I'm telling my side

of the story,

I've been waiting

all summer to do it.

Okay, sorry.

I've always dreamed

of making a record.

I've always dreamed that

I could place a small flag

in the timeline of pop history.

This might seem preposterous

to you, but you know what?

F*** off, this is my dream.

I just wanted to play a part,

but I never thought I could

till Eve came along.

Never came close.

Without wanting

to sound blasphemous,

I am the voice crying

in the wilderness,

and she is my Messiah.

I might not be fit to tie

her musical boot laces,

but I could've

helped her make records.

I could've listened to her songs

and backed her up on simple

yet accurately played guitar.

I could've designed the sleeves,

distributed the flyers,

licked the envelopes,

whatever, I would've done it.

Eve may go on to greatness,

but according to me

the greatness already

happened this summer.

The greatness of this summer

came from somewhere else.

Just for a moment we were

all in the right place,

and the possibilities

were infinite.

Now I'll go back to my room.

Eve will get on the train

to a grown up life

free from neurosis.

Cassie will wonder

for a few moments,

"What the hell

just happened?"

before she gets torn back

into her own living delights

and active miseries.

And I'll go back to my room.

Was she on it?

Yeah.

Do you want a lift?

Yeah.

I am the singer

I am in the singer

in the band

You're the loser

I won't dismiss you

out of hand

You've got a beautiful face

It would take you places

You kept running

You've got money,

you've got fame

Every morning, I see

your picture from the train

Now you're an actress

So says your resume

You're made of card

You couldn't act your way

out of a paper bag

You got lucky

You ain't talkin' to me now

Little Miss Plucky

Pluck your eyebrows

for the crowd

Get on the airplane

You give me stomach pain

I wish that you were here

We would've had a lot

to talk about

We had a deal then

We nearly signed it

with our blood

An understanding

I thought that you

would keep your word

I'm disappointed

I'm aggravated

It's a fault I have, I know

When things don't

go my way I have to

blow up in the face

of my rival

I scream and rant,

I make quite an arrival

The men are surprised

by the language

They act so discreet

They are hypocrites,

so f*** them too

I always loved you

You always had

a lot of style

I'd hate to see you on

the pile of nearly made its

You've got the essence, dear

If I could have a second skin,

I'd probably dress up in you

You're a star now

I am fixing people's nails

I'm knitting jumpers

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