God Help the Girl Page #6

Where are you going?

Church.

Why?

It's 'cause of the dream

I just had.

What was the dream?

There's nothing more boring

than other people's dreams.

No, I want to hear it.

I dreamt I was dead

and I could look back

on everything I'd done.

Was I in it?

I don't think so.

It was like I'd been

sent back to pick through

all the details of my past

with a massive magnifying glass.

So what do you think it means?

Every moment we have is

actually much more important

than we take it for.

So you're going to church.

Just thought I'd go and see

if I could get the feeling back.

So can I come with you?

I'm just going

to wander down by myself.

I'll see you back here later.

James.

James!

This is Cassie De la Roxfurd.

At the tone leave your name

and message, I'll get back...

James!

I'm all alone

This is a holiday

Some bloody holiday

My friends have gone away

They're of the temporary sort,

I think

I will be better without

As long as you let me out

To taste the air

beside the river

I pick the soundtrack

With immaculate care

Such a lot rests upon it

My life upon a song

You don't know

how much I need

Musician, please take heed

I thought I might just

write a letter

Anything to stay away

From books and lessons today

Besides, it's part

of my induction

Into the literate world

I am a literate girl

I lean my love

upon you with each line

A gift of improvising

removes me from revising

I'll kick this mood off

with a change of scene

I bought a leotard

and go to the gym

I couldn't get away with

wearing it last summer

But I lost a lot of weight

I think it's down to leaving

meat out of my diet

As a rule, I won't buy it

'cause it's cool

And if the nighttime

threatens me with pain

I will give in to the lust

I will do what I must

I've got a number

of a girl I know

Who gets her hallucinogens

from a pair of hooligans

I'll take a dose,

I don't mind trying

She lets me stay there

while I leave the ground

Old episodes of Minder,

I snuggle right beside her

Think that I'll stay

till morning

She's got me started yawning

I want a story

with a happy ending.

So you are James, please.

How long have you known Eve?

Um, just since

the start of the summer.

Ah, and you are the boyfriend?

No, uh, I'm the friend.

Ah.

How's she doing?

She's okay, now.

Did you know that Eve

was in here before?

Yeah.

She left too soon.

I advised her she wasn't ready,

but she didn't listen.

Did she ever talk

about her illness?

But you figured it out?

If you listen to the songs.

The songs.

How did you know where I was?

Uh, it was me

that brought you in.

Eve Alexander Carmichael.

What the hell happened to you?

What do you mean?

All that day.

Where were you? You said

you were coming home.

Well, I don't... I don't

tell you everything.

I mean, it's not like

you tell me anything.

Okay, I should leave you

to get some rest.

No-no-no-no,

don't go, please.

I've had enough rest.

Are you gonna be okay?

Like, I mean, do you

want me to do anything?

Just come and see me, okay?

And maybe bring Cass sometimes

if she can bear it.

You've had a setback,

a predictable one.

I mean, you must've had

some good times this summer.

Yeah.

What about finishing

your college application?

I think you're ready.

My room faces north

But the sun's in the south

I'm just waking up

to the news of my birth

I am a girl,

and I'm lucky to be here

Whatever that's worth

Like an ostrich, I lived

with my head in the sand

I slipped into corners,

I sat on my hands

I learned to stifle

the shouts and the outrage

I'm feeling deep down

With my chains falling off

and the hope in a friend

Cafes and walkways

and sculptured weekends

I am getting to love

my freedom

I am getting to like

my surroundings

My room faces north

But the sun's in the south

You are far out of reach

Could I be any worth

to some special person?

My mind is unknowing

of any such luck

So I yell out the window

Answer the mail

My diary is quiet

The definitive nail

in my social coffin

I blame all the boffins

for making me fail

For an hour in the park

or an hour on the couch

With the boy of my choice

if he makes me go "Ouch!"

I will swap

all my dumb school prizes

I'm open to dark surprises

My room faces north

But the sun's in the south

You are far out of reach,

perfect hand, perfect mouth

I'll barter my freedom,

I'll trade all my medals

Please keep me in dreams

I don't want commitment,

I don't want the drama

I just want your dreams

I just want your genes

Are you sure you

want me to sing it?

Of course, I couldn't

sing it like that.

I wrote it for you.

And do you think we might

do that one at the concert?

Absolutely, we need that song.

I don't know, James.

If you two don't get together,

then every song

and every film and every book

I've ever heard, seen,

and read are wrong.

It's different for us.

She makes songs.

She writes them.

She's a character in them.

It's her world,

and it's her private place,

and it's the only thing that

really means anything to her.

I don't suppose there's ever

been so much repression

of true feelings

since Stalinist Russia.

Letter!

- Hi.

- Hi.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Are you okay to be here?

Yeah, they know I'm here.

They let you out pretty late.

Uh-huh.

Um.

I think I might go to college.

Music school in London.

What do you think about that?

Um, I think,

why would you do that?

Well, why not?

'Cause you're already

better than anyone there.

'Cause if any of the teachers

at this college

had a fifth of your talent,

they wouldn't even be there.

Because they're just gonna

try and make you sound like

some a**hole from TV.

Well, I need to go somewhere.

- O, you don't.

- Yes, I do.

I do, okay.

I need order.

And I need structure.

And I need people.

Grown up people.

I mean, what are you gonna do?

- What does that mean?

- What are you gonna do,

you're just gonna sit around

here for the next ten years

getting more tired

and fed up with everything?

You say we can make records,

how can we make records?

You need money to make the kind

of records you wanna make.

And even then,

who's gonna listen to them?

You're the only person

that wants to hear them.

Well, what's wrong with that?

You can't make records

for anyone else.

I mean, I don't care

if we made a record

and no one bloody listened to it

as long as it was a record

that we wanted to make.

Well, I can't have that, James.

Okay?

I just, I've been inside

my own head for way too long.

I want to sing,

and I wanna dance,

and I wanna meet new people,

and I don't wanna look back.

Look.

I like you, and I like Cass.

I mean...

...I love you and Cass.

I'm just not going

back in that room.

And I'm not going back

to the hospital.

You have to go back tonight.

You know what I mean.

I'm gonna take these

wet jeans off, okay?

Thank you.

What's the point in that?

What?

I mean, the time

for that was ages ago.

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