Going Berserk Page #6

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Say "decorum" again.

Decorum! Decorum.

I'm gonna put you up

on my mantle. There you go.

You sit right there.

I wanna talk to everybody.

Mom, Dad, Grandma,

Patti, Nancy, I'd like

to talk about my dick.

John, what are you doing?

It's about this wide.

And it's about...

I'm gonna kill him!

Who's Dick?

Like I keep telling you,

I don't know. I draw a blank.

I can't remember anything.

What'd I say

to that minister?

You looked him

right in the eye and you

said it was that big.

Oh, my God,

I'm gonna kill myself.

How big?

Never mind. Now look,

this psychiatrist

we're going to is great.

In fact, he's the one

that cured Sal.

I am gonna kill myself.

What the hell is that?

A mushroom?

It's a brain. Come on.

Mushroom.

You must have some fear

that's unspoken.

You must have some dream,

a recurrent nightmare.

What haunts you?

A dream?

I got a dream that comes

almost every night,

or every other night.

All right,

tell me about that.

Well, I don't know,

it's a little embarrassing.

I don't think I can...

No, not at all.

Oh, you know,

it's one of those dreams

you don't wanna talk about.

You're among friends.

I know, I...

You can trust me,

I'm a professional.

Yeah.

Come on.

All right,

what the hell.

Well, I...

It always starts on

this desert island.

And there's

this beautiful girl there.

I must admit, I am kind of

sexy in this dream.

Did you ever see that movie

The Blue Lagoon?

Well, it's kind of like that,

I guess.

I'm on this island

with this beautiful girl.

I don't know

how she got there,

but it's a dream.

You can do whatever you want

in a dream, right?

I really, I think,

turn her on a lot,

but I'm not,

I'm not into that,

you know?

No, she wants games

all the time.

She keeps on eating fruit

in front of me to show me

that she's horny.

Now, this drives me crazy.

But no, I don't bite.

We meet at our palace.

This palace that I built

on the beach.

And I know this is the night

that has got to be

the big confrontation.

She wants it.

It's like a nymphomaniac

in heat, if that's possible,

but that's the way she is.

I can't do it.

I just can't do it with her.

No matter how much

I want to, I can't.

I got to say no to her,

and it drives her crazy.

She's begging me,

she keeps begging me.

But I won't allow it.

She keeps pounding on the door.

She's driving me crazy.

It's like a bad nightmare.

At this point,

I wanna wake up

but I just can't.

"More, more, more,"

she screams. "More.

I need you, I want you. "

I can't.

So I go off to be alone

with my thoughts.

I'm alone, alone,

alone, alone,

alone, alone, alone, alone...

And I look up,

and I'm not alone anymore!

There's a big ship in front

of me. It's like the cast

and crew of Love Boat,

all looking down

laughing at me,

pointing and laughing and...

I was standing there alone

just holding that one little

thought in my head.

I'm so embarrassed and I smile

and I just can't do anything

and they're still laughing.

Oh, it's disgusting.

I'm so alone and...

Oh, that's funny.

Look at his problem.

Oh, that's great.

Thanks a lot. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

That's wonderful.

What do you make

of that, Doctor?

Well, if you want my

professional opinion, I think

someone has altered his mind.

Altered his mind?

Why do you think that?

That's right.

Well, his fear of fantasy

is too vivid.

I don't trust that.

You see, I think you've

been put under some sort of

post-hypnotic suggestion.

Like, you know,

the Amazing Kreskin?

Oh, no,

it's not as simple

as just memorizing

a few names from

the Tonight Show audience.

I think your friend

has been put under

an actual spell.

There's only one way

to cure that.

What's that?

To drop him

on his f***ing head.

There you go.

Drop me on my f***ing...

I'm gonna drop you.

Doc, what are

you doing?

This is fear therapy.

It's just like curing

the hiccups.

You see that Pinto?

That's my target.

Is this gonna work?

I don't know,

but I bet the spell is gone.

So how do you feel?

Nice and refreshed?

I feel all right.

Good. Good.

Now, you talked to her,

what did she say?

Yeah, I talked to her

while you were in the shower.

Yeah.

She said she was willing

to meet you here

at the restaurant.

That's it? What else?

Look, you're lucky

you got that much

out of her, believe me.

Now, what are you

gonna say to her?

Oh, I'm gonna

take your advice.

I'm gonna sit her down,

look her right

in the eyes...

Yeah.

...and lie my ass off.

Always works, Johnny.

There she is.

All right, let's go.

Naw, she looks pissed.

I'm gonna have a drink.

Me, too. I'll have...

Get over there! Go on.

Hi, Nance.

Mind if I sit here?

Thank you.

So...

So.

I have never

been so embarrassed

in my entire life, John.

Well, why don't we leave?

We don't have to stay here.

You don't like it,

I don't like it either.

You know, let's go.

I don't even know why

I'm bothering to stay here

and talk to you.

Hey, come on, Nance,

give me a break, please,

let me explain.

Give me a chance.

Five minutes,

that's all I want.

All right?

Okay.

You see,

I think I've really...

I don't have any control

over myself anymore.

I seem to have lost it.

Oh, you can say

that again.

My father wants

to kill you, John.

Sure.

You're frightening.

I don't even know

who you are anymore.

Neither do I.

Neither do I, Nancy,

and that's why I went

to a psychiatrist.

You did?

I didn't want to tell you,

but, yes, I went

to a psychiatrist.

What'd he say?

What he... He said that I'm...

I've developed a brain virus.

You mean, you're sick?

Crazy kind of sick or...

It's more along the lines

of a 24-hour brain virus.

Something that can affect

your brain much the same...

Much like diarrhea

of the brain,

in that the gray matter

kind of runs a little bit

and mixes with the other.

It's just a passing thing,

that he said that if I get

a lot of rest

and took a lot of vitamin C,

which I thought strange,

but vitamin C is very good,

and the love of a good woman,

he said. And those were

his exact words.

I know it sounds like

a John Wayne movie,

but that's...

"The love of a good woman. "

What do we do now?

Well, I guess we could

get married, but I...

I would like to

but I know you

wouldn't wanna do it.

Who says I wouldn't

want to do it?

Oh, come on, don't.

Let's just drop it.

Don't grovel.

Well, I gave it a shot.

I gave it a very good shot.

It worked.

It worked?

Where did I get you?

The virus? I was reaching.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah, I'm in love.

Looking good.

You have a very nice ass.

Like I'm gonna bite it!

John, what are you doing?

Don't do this to me, John.

Hey, I'm not gonna do this

to you. You relax me, baby.

You do, you soothe my soul.

Savage soul.

What we have between us

is special.

The magic.

Spin the magic.

It's show time! Yeah!

All right, show time, ladies

and gentlemen. Here we go.

Don't!

Did you think

I was gonna do that?

Let's mambo!

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