Golden Years Page #4

Any leads, young Sherlock?

Standard kind used in

paint ball centres...

...up and down the country.

Reports say that over a

quarter of a million...

...are sold in the UK each month.

They've done their homework.

They know our response times.

You reckon they're pros then?

Maybe, Dave.

But if they are

they've slipped up here a bit.

Something's not quite right,

you know.

-Sid.

-What is it?

What, you want to go home?

We've barely started.

I've got another date.

Christ! If I'd known

you were ruddy part time...

What happened to the one

from the other night?

Didn't work out.

Turns out she don't like coppers.

What did you do,

handcuff her to the bed?

Jesus!

No. I won't ask

about the truncheon.

It's the hot topic of the day.

Just how did

the Little Camden robbers...

...just simply vanish

into thin air?

Have we lost faith

in our police force?

Call in and let us know

your thoughts.

This is Dan David

taking you through till dawn.

Alright, Sid.

You've watched it thirty times

so what is it you're not seeing?

'Cos I'd quite like to go home now.

It's rather romantic.

We're outlaws.

Like that Thelma and Lacey.

Thelma and Lacey?

Bonnie and Clyde, you mean.

Look, I've been thinking...

We nearly got caught today.

We need something.

We need a device.

It doesn't do anything.

But we put a motion sensor on it.

Like Mrs. Robins did for her t.ts.

-What?

-Well, you know...

...the blue t.ts and grey t.ts and

all the other birds that come...

...when she films

on her bird feeder.

Like that Kate Humbly

did on Springwatch.

They used a motion sensor.

Right, so we put one of

those on it...

...and we say, "Nobody moves...

...or it goes off."

That's a brilliant idea, Arthur.

What's that?

Listen.

They've come for us, Arthur.

When you're doing dogging

you're supposed to keep

the curtains open.

Look, I said to this director,

I said to him...

...I must be allowed to follow

my impulses.

And then I said to him

you can stuff your bloody play.

Don't you think you'll regret that?

No chance, Shirl.

I will not be trammelled.

Trammelled?

What does that mean?

You've gone all quiet.

That's not a good sign.

-Here, Shirl.

-Yeah.

Looks like we gone

and won a competition.

Look.

"You are a winner!"

No, we haven't.

We don't do winning.

Yeah. We've won 25000

pounds - "no strings attached."

Royston Merryweather,

I've told you before:

These are all scams!

Probably cost a bomb to phone in

and collect your winnings...

...or something.

There's always a catch.

No, we don't have to call up

or anything.

Stop it. We haven't won

any money.

You probably have to go

for a meeting...

...and they'd sell you

a timeshare...

...or they'll get you to sign

your house away.

No, I've not gone doolally yet,

my poppet.

There's no catch.

See, the dosh is in

an account in our name.

Seems it's something to do with

some pools accumulator thingy...

...we done yonks ago.

All we have to do,

it says go to your local bank...

...and sign on the dotted line.

Okay.

Wahey!

Royston.

Just when we'd thought

we'd been scuppered.

Back to bed

I think Shirls for a little...

...mid-morning celebration.

I will go and prepare the stage.

Yes!

But we've never done the pools.

Right, this is a robbery.

Nobody move.

Stay calm.

Stand against the wall

and nobody will get hurt.

Come on, stand against the wall.

Against the walls.

It'll all be over soon.

Your instructions are in here.

Do as your told

and nobody will get hurt.

Stay calm, everybody.

This is an explosive device...

...with motion sensors on it.

Yes!

Sid. It's Alf.

We just had reports of a hold-up

in Burkeley.

They're sending in

an armed response team.

Stringer's all the way over

in Castle Coombe. Where are you?

Christ!

We're only just down the road.

Be calm.

Be calm. Stand against the wall.

Stay where you are.

Now, it's activated.

It's armed, so don't move

for the next five minutes.

Otherwise it will go off.

Damn it!

They just left.

Here, Sid.

-No, that can't be...

-Careful.

Come on now.

Hide that cucumber.

Excuse me, did you see

a couple of men...

...or maybe a man and a woman

come this way with a trolley?

They might have been wearing masks.

No, no, no. We've been here

quite a while we have.

We haven't seen anybody, no, no.

We're just having a bit of lunch.

My wife's in there

making sandwiches now.

Okay. Thanks for your time.

That's a nice piece of kit.

Yeah, we like it.

Much more economical

than paying for hotels and B&B's.

Yeah, you can't be too careful

with your money these days.

My wife says we should get one

when I retire.

She wants to do a tour of

stately homes...

...up and down the land.

Well, you can tell her from me

it's most amenable.

-Sid.

-Thank you.

They vanished.

Nobody's seen them...

...and I've had Stringer going

mental at me down the phone.

Well, hope you find the two men

you're looking for.

Sorry to interrupt your lunch.

-Not at all.

-Nice talking to you.

-Yes and you.

-Nice to talk to you officers.

Would you like a sandwich?

I made a few too many,

it's a shame to waste them.

Take a few for later.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

How do two people just disappear...

...after robbing a busy

high-street bank, Dave?

Without arousing any suspicion?

What are the bloody chances?

We're never going to hear

the end of this one.

One more I think...

...and then we can go home

and see our friends.

It might be a good idea...

...if I had a little target

practice first. Do you think?

Yes, that's a very good idea.

This is getting serious.

It's a fake.

It's made from DIY parts.

This is a clever

bunch of sods, Cully.

I'd put money on it that

they've had military training.

Maybe even special forces.

Rob, can you hear me mate?

Please, Rob.

Bill, what's going on, Bill?

It's the wrinklies

we let in twenty minutes ago.

They're out of control.

The woman...

She's gone crazy.

Both of them...

I don't know what...

Get back here as soon as you can.

The key thing here is focus.

Look out.

If it isn't the Widow Twankey

and Buttons.

More like Dobbin

the pantomime horse if you ask me.

I dunno, Cully, last time

I looked the pantomime horse...

...came with only one a..e.

Give it a rest, Stringer.

Look out, Sid. He's behind you.

"No, he isn't!"

"Yes, he is!"

Alright, alright, that's enough.

With fourteen forces

all feeding back...

...they seem to be on

something of a spree.

Three connected so far.

My press briefings...

...I would imagine,

will scare them, so...

Right, thanks Stringer,

I'll take it from here.

It's alright, Sid.

I've got this one.

I said I've got it. Thanks.

Chief?

Sid, why don't you sit down?

I've asked Stringer to take us

through some new ideas.

Sorry for the interruption, people.

Now... if I can just get back

my train of thought...

So did you have a lovely time?

Marvellous.

The houses were beautiful.

I wasn't asking about the houses.

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