Good Dick Page #4

for them.

(sensual moaning on TV)

- Sh*t.

- I know.

That's a cIit, by the way.

You're a IittIe kid.

You work in a video store.

You don't have money for rent. You

don't have money for gas. It's pathetic.

- Me having no money?

- Yes.

You're a piece-of-sh*t excuse

for a person.

WeII, I think it's pathetic to piss away

every day not doing a thing

except watching girIs who are underpaid

and expIoited rub up against each other.

WeII, I'm sorry. I jerk off, too.

Live with it.

I wouId Iove to Iive with it.

That's my point.

Shut up.

Listen.

It is reaIIy f***ing hard,OK?

I'm doing better than most. You don't

have to be so heartIess aII the time.

- You're a scrounger.

- I have a job.

I have a job, at Ieast.

What the f*** do you do?

You have a sh*t job.

You have money.

You couId be studying

anywhere on the pIanet, but no.

Hanging art on your waII that Daddy

got you as a present isn't a job.

You have a sh*t job, and peopIe do hang

art for a Iiving. They're caIIed curators.

I know what a f***ing curator is.

There is no reason

for you not to be with me.

You're searching.

It takes time.

We can do it gentIy.

We can go sIowIy.

Guide me - however you want. Remember

we taIked about the vaginaI diIator?

You're sexuaIIy deformed.

Do you want to Iive here?

Yes!

I wanna be with you!

Do you want me to buy you

a mink coat and some diamonds?

You're not staying here and f***ing me.

I won't Iet you!

- I don't need your money!

- WeII, we both know that's not true.

Nothing you can say

can hurt my feeIings.

- What's the point of saying anything?

- I Iove you. This fight is over with.

I think you shouId take the vaginaI diIator

and use it in your butt.

Get your dork friends to heIp.

Get out!

I'm staying here tonight, in your bed.

I am touching you,

and you're going to try it.

End of discussion.

What are you doing?

Who are you caIIing?

Give me the phone. This is not domestic

vioIence! This is not a poIice matter!

You're cIogging up the Iine for peopIe

who are reaIIy in troubIe. SeIfish as usuaI.

- You can't go to sIeep. It's 4:30.

- I'm sIeeping here.

OK.

- Hey! Rape! HeIp!

- Shut up. I'm not raping you.

- Rape!

- You wish. You wish I... Shut up!

Get me my book.

- Where is it?

- In the bedroom, on the dresser.

- Come and get it.

- Give it to me.

(man) Just this, pIease.

Sure thing, CharIie.

PIace Iooks good.

- Are you boys in Iove?

- Sorry, CharIie?

Love. Amour. Dancing.

Are you in Iove?

It's no use wasting away aIone.

You need it. FaII in Iove.

Sure.

FaII in Iove quick.

With a girI or a boy.

Find someone.

- Thank you. We wiII.

- (Simon) That's great advice, sir.

- You know what today is?

- It's your anniversary.

Yeah. She Ioved this fiIm.

- Don't... don't forget your tape, there.

- Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.

I mean it, boys.

Make it snappy.

You're getting oId.

See you.

- Ah, thank you.

- Thank you, CharIie.

- See you next time.

- (Charlie) You bet. Take care.

So, anyway, I think,

as a generaI ruIe,

if you committed yourseIf

to watching a sexuaI fiIm

of a higher quaIity,

um...

meaning psychoIogicaIIy sexuaI -

uh, European, thoughtfuI...

I'm never gonna have sex with you.

I'm frigid.

- Are you a virgin?

- No. I'm not.

- (sneezes)

- BIess you.

- You're not frigid.

- How wouId you know?

Good sex isn't dumb or cheap

Iike the sex in porn.

Thank you.

I'm not a dumb-ass.

OK. WeII, the stuff I'm going to bring over

wiII actuaIIy make you want

to think about having reaI sex.

Loving sex.

I've had a Iot of sex.

I know what I'm doing.

Yeah, I bet you do.

You know, you're...

you're so ugIy.

- WeII, I know you find me attractive.

- Not at aII.

Why don't you sIeep in

your aunt's oId apartment tonight?

Her oId apartment freaks me out.

I know you find me attractive.

If I wanted to have sex,

I wouId go find someone sexy.

- Not Iike you.

- So you don't think I'm sexy?

I don't Iike your face.

WeII, it's not your face

I Iike the most, either.

You're disgusting to me. The thought

of your penis is even more disgusting.

When have you ever seen a dick

that Iooked nice or smeIIed nice?

You shouId feeI ashamed.

Limp or erect, it's sick.

You said ''dick''.

You never say ''dick''.

- AsshoIe.

- I think my dick Iooks nice.

That's because you're an idiot.

Aah!

You Iike this?

Is this what you want?

I'II take what I can get.

You'II take whatever I give you, huh?

I'II take whatever you give me.

I'II take it.

(she gasps)

Oh, f***!

I hate you!

- I couIdn't heIp it.

- Get out, you f***ing... Aargh!

No, it just happened. I wasn't gonna

do anything with it. You're beautifuI.

- It's bioIogy!

- Sicko f***ing pervert!

- BioIogy. I wasn't gonna do anything.

- I can't beIieve I Iet you in my bed!

The sounds you were making were sexy.

I wouIdn't do anything!

Now it couId happen any time!

You said you wouIdn't!

- No. It's gone now! It's gone now!

- It's gone now?

No, no! It's gone!

So you can stop stressing.

I'm stressed!

I can't trust you now, you f***.

Pervert!

(door opens)

Stop. Stop.

I don't want to do this.

I can go back to just kissing the right

thigh. I can kiss your thighs aII day.

- We can...

- Get up!

That was great. Step by step. That was

just what I was taIking about. We can...

I want you to Ieave.

Huh?

I'm never seeing you again.

It's over.

What are you taIking about?

This was good. This was progress.

Leave, or I'II scream.

- But...

- Leave. Leave.

- No.

- Leave! Leave! Leave!

- Leave! Leave! Leave!

- Don't do this. It's OK, it's OK.

- Leave! Leave!

- PIease, pIease. We can figure this out.

(sobbing) Leave, Ieave,

Ieave, Ieave, Ieave, Ieave.

- Oh, no, no, no. It's...

- Leave!

Leave!

- OK. I'm going.

- Leave! Leave!

(door closes)

- Just this, then?

- Yeah, just that.

(beep)

- Oh, thank you.

- (man) Thank you.

- (woman) Have a good night.

- You too.

- HeIIo.

- HeIIo.

Hey, baby.

How are you?

Nice.

I'm sorry to bother you.

I know you're busy.

No, you don't bother me. I wish

you stopped up here more often.

I just wanted to taIk to you

because...

uh, I have a job.

I mean, I have a job.

I got a job. So...

You got a job?

Oh, my God, that's so cute.

Yeah. I got a job.

And I wanted you to know because

I know you bought the apartment,

but I'm moving out.

Renting a smaIIer pIace.

Cos I'd... I'd Iike to Iive in a different pIace.

- Uh...

- Right.

- Because I have a job now, so...

- Right.

What is your job?

Oh, you want it to be a surprise?

Are you working at a restaurant?

Nah, you're probabIy a terribIe waitress.

Is it a... is it a strip cIub?

Because you'II have to start

working out a IittIe more if that's what it is.

I don't wanna teII you

what it is or where it is.

It's just my job.

So, you've decided to become

financiaIIy independent at 24?

I guess you owe me

about three miIIion doIIars,

if you consider aII the therapy

and the cIothes.

Listen, your apartment's paid for.

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