Good Morning, Vietnam Page #11

It's going to be an exciting day|of listening and learning,|so please, tune in.

"Sukiyaki," "Volare,"|"The Portuguese Washerwoman"...

- Baby, please don't go

Baby, please don't go

down to New Orleans

Baby, please don't go

Baby, I'm done gone|- Hold it, hold it, hold it.

- What's up?|- I try to find "Cronow."|He don't show up in class.

He didn't show up for work today|either. You know anything about this?

Listen, jerkoff!

We're here fighting for your country!|Now where did Cronauer go?

An Lac. His pass say "An Lac."

An Lac? Sh*t!

- You okay?|- Yeah. Yeah. You okay?

No.

Come on, pal.|We'll make it.

- I have a hunch.|- Yeah.

Baby, please don't go

- VC. The f***in' VC.|- Tell me somethin' I don't know, okay?

On that midnight train

Baby, please don't go

- How far you think we've gone?|- Ten, fifteen miles.

Think we've reached Cambodia yet?

How can you fight a war|in this sh*t?

I don't know where they are.|I don't even know where I am.

Can't see dick.|Like hunting with Ray Charles.

It okay! You can come out now.

If you here, I cannot find you|unless you talk to me.

It's too dangerous|staying here.

You don't believe it's me?|Okay. Flip them the bird!

- Tuan?|- Hey, there you are, "Cronow."

How the hell'd you|find us, Sparky?

Your Jeep.

We're obviously not in Cambodia.

Try it again.

One more time.

God damn it. Our Jeep gets blown off|the road, and his van won't start.

- That's great. You know why|we ended up in the same place?|- Why is that?

Your limp pulled us to the right.|We were going around in circles.

Stick with me. I don't want|to go around again.

We're not in Kansas|any more, Toto.

Listen.

Somewhere over there.

There it is, man. Yo!

Yo! Right there!

Yo, GI!|Hello, sailor! Hello!

Boogaloo, boogaloo! Hey!

To avoid razor burn problems,|always rinse your razor|with cold water instead of hot.

Your skin will look and feel|a whole lot better.

That's it for "Hygiene in the Heat."|Tomorrow we'll--

- Welcome back.|- Thank you, Sergeant. I've missed you.

I'm informing you that you're|outta here. I want your bags packed|and ready to go tomorrow afternoon.

- You don't have the power.|I'll take this right to the authorities.|- I am the authorities, you moron!

Oh, I got your pansy ass|in a sling now, Cronauer. Who's Tuan?

The guys who flew you in from An Lac|radioed they'd picked up a young South|Vietnamese boy with you and Garlick.

- Who is this South Vietnamese boy?|- He's a friend from my class|who risked his ass to save my life.

A friend?|Your friend is a VC terrorist.

Yeah, and my mother's|a werewolf, right? Yeah.

Tuan is also known as|Phan Duc Tho.

He's currently wanted by the|South Vietnamese police in connection|with several bombings in the area...

including the one|at Jimmy Wah's.

Surely you're familiar|with that incident.

Did you ever wonder how|a young South Vietnamese boy gets|into and out of VC-held territory.

It's dangerous out there.|Things just jump out at you.

And yet this boy can get in|and out without a scratch.

And what about Jimmy Wah's? Didn't you|ever wonder why you were pulled out...

just moments before|the whole place blew up?

Or are you normally|not that inquisitive?

Friends of Phan Duc Tho.

These three were executed shortly|after this photo was taken.

Your friend is next.

I don't recommend that you tangle|with me on this one, Airman.

There's not too many high-ranking|officers would be sympathetic to|a serviceman with links to terrorists.

The army is kind of|quirky that way.

A conviction on the charge of treason|against the United States carries|with it some penalties...

kind of on the stiff side,|if you know what I mean.

I have arranged for|an honourable discharge, provided|you leave without incident.

- Ten hut.|- At ease.

Cronauer, I'm sorry as hell about|this thing. God damn it, I like you, son.

I like what you do. Most of all,|I like what you've done for the men.

But facts are facts.

This could give the army|a black eye. I'm not gonna|cover for you this time, son.

Sir? What about the show?

We'll handle it.

I'm sorry, son.

Why'd you do this?

I don't like your style,|your politics or your sense of humour.

I don't like what you say|or how you say it.

From now on, the fighting men|of Vietnam will hear exactly|what they're supposed to hear.

You're on a DC-8 from Tan Son Nhut|airport tomorrow at 18:30 hours.

I recommend|you pack quietly.

That's all I have|for you, Airman.

You know...

you're in more dire need of a blow job|than any white man in history.

Whoa, there, Dick. Put the brakes on.|I wanted to wait till the airman|left to talk with you.

Uh, Dick,|I'm transferring you.

- Transferring me, sir?|- Mm-hmm.

- Where to, sir?|- You're going to Guam.

Guam, sir! There's nothin' goin'|on in Guam! Why Guam?

Dick, I've covered for you|a lot of times 'cause I thought|you was a little crazy.

But you're not crazy. You're mean.|And this is just radio.

"More dire need of a blow job than|any white man in history." That's funny.

Hey, Teacher! When are you gonna|teach us the softball?

Listen, I gotta talk to you.|Now! Come on.

- Mr Cronauer, I must talk to you.|- Oh, Minh, not now.

- Listen, you gotta tell me|where your brother is.|- Don't know.

Listen, his life is in danger.|You gotta tell me where the hell he is.

- No, I don't--|- Bullshit!

Listen. No more games, okay?|The army knows about your brother.

I have to leave the country|because of my association with him.

They have pictures of him.|If they find him, they will shoot him.

If you want to continue to have|a brother, you take me to him now!

Phan Duc Tho!

Get back here!

Know about|the bombings, Sparky.

No wonder you hauled ass.

You were my friend.

I trusted you.

You hear me?

You naive man, "Cronow."|You take a stupid side.

Now you have to go.|It's better off.

That's not the f***ing point!

Understand me?

I fought to get you into that bar,|and then you blow the f***in' place up.

Listen. I gave you|my friendship and my trust...

and now they tell me that|my best friend is the goddam enemy!

Enemy? What is enemy?

You killing my own people|so many miles from your home.

We not the enemy.|You the enemy!

You used me to kill two people.|Two people died in that f***in' bar.

Big f***ing deal!

My mother is dead.

And my older brother,|who be 29 years old, he dead.

Shot by Americans.

My neighbour, dead.|His wife, dead.

Why?

Because we're not|human to them.

We're only little Vietnamese.

And I'm stupid enough to save|your bullshit life at An Lac.

Wait.

We're here to help this country.|Where the f*** you goin'?

It's unbelievable.

Five months in Saigon...

and my best friend|turns out to be a VC.

This will not look good|on a rsum!

- You guys mind if I drive?|- Be my guest.

It's a simple rule. If the engine's|humming, it's already started.

Never fails. You guys mind|if we make a little unscheduled stop?|I got something I gotta do.

If you attempt to deviate|from the aforeplanned schedule,|you're under arrest, Cronauer.

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