Good Morning, Vietnam Page #2

Sir, it's time to rise.

My God, it's Mardi Gras,|and I'm on the main float.

Come on, sir. Couple of weeks,|this will be easy for you.

- Oh, let me go back to bed.|- You gotta get up, sir.

God. What time is it, Edward?

- It's 5:
30.|- 5:30. It's very early. I may have|to hurt you. Call me in five minutes.

No, you have to get up right now|and you have to get on the air.

- Oh. Fine. Fine.|- Come on, sir.

to a late-night talk show.

- This way, sir. It's just down|the hall and to the right.|- Yeah.

- You must be nervous, sir, huh?|- I'm not even in my body, Edward.

Don't worry about it.|It'll go great. This way, sir.

We still have a few minutes|before your show begins, sir.

When it's time to read the news, you|just take it off these machines here.

But regardless of what you read,|Airman, the Department|of Defence wants final say.

So every item's checked|by these two guys in here.

Guys, I'd like you to meet|our new deejay, Adrian Cronauer.

That's Marty Lee Dreiwitz.

He's impeccably clean.

This man has cleaning products|shipped in from Wisconsin.

He's also one of your roommates, so if|I were you, I'd think about suicide.

Sir, I-I really don't think that you|want to use any of those records, sir.

- We have a selection right here|that's prepared specifically--|- Hey, hey!

I've been looking forward to meeting|you. Listen, could you do me a favour?

- Can you say something funny|right this minute?|- I doubt it.

I'm with you, man.|I'm on your frequency.|Hey, let me ask you a question.

What is the appeal of Joey Bishop?

I mean, the man's not funny.|I know funny, and he's not funny.

Don't get me wrong. He seems like|a nice guy, but my father's a nice guy|and he's not funny either.

Joey Bishop. I wish someone|would explain this one to me.

Hey, incidentally,|you're on the air in about ten seconds.|Nine, eight, seven, six--

Hey, this has been "Fiction and Fact"|from Marty Lee's almanac.|And now, direct from Crete...

welcome the silky-smooth sound|of Airman Adrian Cronauer.

Good morning, Vietnam!

Hey, this is not a test.|This is rock and roll.

Time to rock it|from the delta to the DMZ!

Is that me, or does that sound like|an Elvis Presley movie?

Oh, viva, Da Nang

Why don't they get a rope and hang me

Hey, is it a little too early|for being that loud? Hey, too late.

It's 0600. What's the "O" stand for?|Oh, my God, it's early.

Speaking of early, how about|that Cro-Magnon, Marty Dreiwitz?

Thank you, Marty, for "silky-smooth|sound." Make me sound like Peggy Lee.

"Good morning, Vietnam"?|What the heck is that supposed to mean?

I don't know, Lieutenant. I-I guess|it means, good morning, uh, Vietnam.

And who gave anyone permission|to programme modern music?

Freddy and the Dreamers!

Wrong speed.|We've got it on the wrong speed.

For those of you recovering from a|hangover, that's gonna sound just right.

Let's put her right back down.|Let's try it a little faster,|see if that picks it up a little bit.

Let's get it up on 78.

Those pilots are going,|"I really like the music. I really like|the music. I really like the music."

Oh, it's still a bad song. Hey,|wait a minute. Let's try something.

Let's play this backwards|and see if it gets any better.

Freddy is a devil.|Freddy is a devil.

Picture a man going on a journey|beyond sight and sound.

He's left Crete. He's entered|the demilitarized zone.

All right. Hey, what is this|"demilitarized zone"? What do|they mean, "police action"?

"You know, she looks pretty to me. "

than a strong cup of cappuccino.

What is a demilitarized zone? Sounds|like something out of The Wizard of Oz.

Oh, no, don't go in there.

Ho Chi Minh

Oh, look, you've landed in Saigon.

You're among|the little people now.

The ARVN Army

Oh, no! Follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail.|Follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail.

"Oh, I'll get you, my pretty!" Oh, my|God. It's the wicked witch of the north.

It's Hanoi Hanna!

"Now, little GI, you and|your little 'tune-ooh' too!"

"Oh, Adrian. Adrian.|What are you doing, Adrian?"

Oh, Hanna, you slut. You've been down|on everything but the Titanic.|Stop it right now.

Uh, you know, he's really funny. You|know, he-he-- he's like a Marx brother.

Which Marx brother|would that be, Private? Zeppo?

- I don't find him funny at all.|- Zeppo? Isn't he the one with the hat?

Hey, uh, hi.|Can you help me? What's your name?|"My name's Roosevelt E. Roosevelt."

Roosevelt, what town are you stationed|in? "I'm stationed in Poontang."

Well, thank you, Roosevelt.|What's the weather like out there?

"It's hot. Damn hot!|Real hot!

Hottest things is my shorts.|I could cook things in it.|A little crotch pot cooking."

Well, can you tell me what it feels|like. "Fool, it's hot! I told you again!

Were you born on the sun?|It's damn hot!

I saw-- It's so damn hot,|I saw little guys, their orange|robes burst into flames.

It's that hot!|Do you know what I'm talking about."

What do you think it's going to be like|tonight? "It's gonna be hot and wet!

That's nice if you're with a lady,|but it ain't no good|if you're in the jungle."

Thank you, Roosevelt. Here's a song|coming your way right now.

"Nowhere To Run To"|by Martha and the Vandellas.|Yes! Hey, you know what I mean!

Too much?

- Nowhere to run to, baby

Nowhere to hide

Got nowhere to run to, baby

Nowhere to hide

It's not love I'm a-runnin'from

I know will come

'Cause I know you're no good for me

But you've become such a part of me

Everywhere I go your face I see

- Every step I take you take with me|- That is not what we programme here!

from the delta to the DMZ.

AFVN-- better than AFVD, which means|you have to get a quick shot.

- I get around

I get around

- Here's a little riddle for you.

What's the difference between the Army|and the Cub Scouts?

I get around

and down the same old strip

where the kids are hip

I'm on again at 16:00.

It's the Army.

We're talking out in the field today.|Hi, what's your name?|"My name's Bob Fliber!"

Bob, what do you do?|"I'm in artillery!" Thank you, Bob.

Can we play anything for you?|"Anything!Just play it loud! Okay?"

I get around

- 'Round

Ooh

with women that look like Zorba.

Whoo! Thank you.

"Those girls are just so pretty."|Gomer, are you here in Vietnam?

"Yes, I am.|Surprise, surprise, surprise!"

your daughter "Lynda Bird"?

"'Cause Lynda Dog would be too cruel."|Easy, girl, easy.

"You know, if you pick 'em up by their|ears, it doesn't hurt 'em as much."

"Oh, you're goin'|straight to hell for that one!

Here's an incredible coincidence.

actually the same person?

Somethin'real special now.

How's it goin'up there?

"Adrian, it's not goin'|exactly well.

There's a water buffalo jackknifed|up there. It's not a very pretty|picture. There's horns everywhere.

I don't know what to say.|We're gonna maybe drop in a little|napalm there and try 'n cook 'im down.

Have a little barbecue."

is to love a woman

is to love a man

Come on, baby, let's play

La-la-la-la-la love

today. Right now, it's Mr Leo.

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