Good Morning, Vietnam Page #3

I'm just very happy to be here.

for me doesn't work very well. "

Why is that? "Well, because you go|in the jungle, I can't see you.

I want to do something different.

You know, you go in the jungle,|make a statement.|If you're going to fight, clash.

Love your daddy with all your might

Thank you for that lovely tune.|That funky music|will drive us till the dawn.

Let's go.|Let's boogaloo till we puke.

That's about it|for the Adrian Cron Hour.

I'm gonna take myself|out of the driver's seat, but I'm|gonna turn you over right now...

to Mr Excitement,|a man with limp, damaged hair,|but nevertheless a fireball...

Dan Levitan!

and yours truly...

Dan "The Man" Levitan.

to any and all servicemen in the area...

for joining us.

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah, he's funny! I know funny.|This guy is funny!

Sensational!

- At ease!|- Hell, we already are.

Just cool your tongue, Airman,|because I intend to take issue|with your performance.

First of all, don't make fun|of the weather here.

And don't say that the weather|is the same all the time here,|because it's not.

- In fact, it's two degrees|cooler today than yesterday.|- Two degrees cooler?

Me without my muff.

- Muff! I tell you, this guy's funny.|- I'm trying to run a meeting here.

You know, I hate the fact|that you people never salute me.

I am a lieutenant,|and I would like salutes occasionally.

That's what being a higher rank|is all about.

Second--

- Second--|- Programming taste.

Programming taste.

Frankly, I found your "I love|a police action" remark way out of line.

How can you have the gall to compare|the conflict here in Vietnam...

with a glass|of cappuccino coffee?

Well, I was-- It just comes up.|I was trying to be funny.

- Funny is good. Funny is good.|- Yeah.

But then do it by using|comedy and humour...

not police action|and coffee remarks.

Furthermore, you are to stick|to playing normal modes of music...

not wild stuff.

Those we would find acceptable here|would include Lawrence Welk...

Jim Nabors, Mantovani.

- Percy Faith.|- Percy Faith. Good!

Andy Williams, Perry Como and|certain ballads by Mr Frank Sinatra.

- Would Bob Dylan be out of line?|- Way, way, way out of line.

Former VP Richard Nixon|will arrive here this week.

Dreiwitz, I've assigned you|to cover the PC.

- He likes to say PC|instead of press conference.|- And if you do hap--

- The lieutenant loves to abbreviate.|- And if you do-- And if you do--

And if you do happen to speak with him,|please be polite and to the point|at all times.

- Affirmative, sir.|- "Affirmative, sir." Good.

Okay. Who do we have slated|for live entertainment in November?

Well, we originally wanted Bob Hope,|but it turns out he won't come.

- Why not?|- He doesn't play police actions,|just wars.

Bob likes a big room, sir.

- That is not funny!|- How 'bout if it escalated?

- How about if what escalated?|- The Vietnam conflict.

The Vietnam conflict.

We are not going to escalate|a whole war just so we can|book a big-name comedian!

We can get Tony Bennett|or Trini Lopez.

I got it.Jerry Vale.|He closes the Copa on the 1 8th.

- Is that date firm?|- I got it from my niece.

Oh, come on. This is not the Catskills.|Get somebody good. Get The Beach Boys.

- Don't dick around here.|- Oh, we tried, but their agent says|they're still on the beach...

and they won't be off the sand|till November! Ba-da-bing!

Uh, well, didn't somebody|wearing my uniform and bearing|a striking resemblance to myself...

just say that that kind of music|was inappropriate?

Sorry, sir.|I haven't been to sleep.

The former VP|will be here on Friday.

I expect every minute of the VP's PC|to be taped and broadcast...

within 1 2 hours of his arrival.

Something funny, Garlick?|Well, perhaps you'd like to|share it with the rest of us.

No, sir. The former vice president|is a delight, sir.

Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how|the VP is such a VIP...

shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT,|'cause if it leaks to the VC...

he could end up an MIA,|and then we'd all be put on KP.

- I would like to leave the room now.|- Oh, uh, yes, sir.

Oh, what a dip.

If you d-d-d-do--

- And if you do--|- And if you do--

Eddie Kirk here, and Ray Conniff jubilee|coming up in just a few moments.

I call it a jubilee.|Actually, it's a Ray Conniff featurette.

Three, maybe four,|back-to-back Ray Conniff classics.

We're here, sir.Jimmy Wah's.

This is the place where we|like to hang out, sir.

Real homey,|in an opium kind of way.

- Earl! Earl! Earl!|- That's Jimmy Wah. He owns the place.

Hi! Hi! Hi!|Hi! Hi!

- Now you say hi to me, then you smile.|- Hi.

Hey, you two Earl.|What about couple beer?

We'd love a couple|of beers,Jimmy.

- Are either of our names "Earl"?|- He calls everybody Earl.

Is it me, or is Jimmy|light in the loafers?

Let me put it to you this way.|He's got this thing for Walter Brennan.

He says he wants to|buy naked photographs of the actor.

- For three years he's been trying.|- Walter Brennan?

You know, Walter Brennan|from The Real McCoys, the TV show?

Well, well, well, Luke.|Well, well.

Anyway, there's this guy from|the 1 st Battalion, 2nd Infantry...

who swore that he could get him|naked photographs of the actor.

And I've been trying to tell him that|it's no-go, but he won't listen to me.

- Oh, God. Nude photographs|of Walter Brennan.|- Here your beer.

- Thank you,Jimmy.|- Right.

Any movement on the|Walter Brennan thing?

No, and it doesn't|look good,Jimmy.

He look good to me.

Ba Muy Ba beer|best beer in Vietnam.

Ba Muy Ba beer|only beer in Vietnam.

Try it.

- Oh, what happened?|- What happened?

Formaldehyde. We put in just a touch|of formaldehyde for flavour.

Some people get sick, yeah.

So if you have to be rushed|to a hospital, then when you return...

- I give you a free salad.|- Well, that seems fair. It really does.

- You'll get used to it.|- Maybe.

- There she is. Ahh. Any girl who wants|me this bad, I can't let her down.|- Where you goin'?

- The hunt is on.|- What is wrong?|- Ah--

- I gotta catch her|before she accelerates.|- You can't go yet.

You have to taste my spicy chicken,|cooked with ex--

Hi. How's Lynn doing?

I'm sorry. You look|like Lynn's friend from Toledo.

Listen, let me make it up to you|by buying a cup of coffee. Also,|tea would fall into that category.

I not think be not correct of way.|Please. Okay?

- What'd she just say?|- She said no, sir.

But, Edward, I'm in love.|You think she likes seafood?

Um-- She's getting away. Edward,|Edward, get the Jeep! Get the Jeep!

Okay. It's-It's|blocked in by a truck.

- You can stay here, sir.|I'll talk to the guys, okay?|- We don't have time. Taxi!

- Ahh-- Bikes!|We'll buy bikes. Si habla Yiddish?|- We won't buy bikes.

- There's actually|no rubber on these tyres.|- Oh, picky, picky.

Let's go, Edward!|Yaah, the chase!

Sir! Sir, we have to get some|dignity here! A little dignity.

Sir! Sir, this is--|This is not safe.

Sir!

Sir! Sir!

- Good afternoon, class.|- Good afternoon, Mr Sloan.

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