Good Morning, Vietnam Page #4

Uh, the last-- last time, in our|last class, we read chapter three.

You should've gotten the one|with the training wheels, pal.

I was almost killed.

A truck's bumper|was this far from my nose.

My whole life passed before my eyes|and it wasn't even interesting to me.

How am I gonna get to first base|with this girl?

I want to buy some butter|and some cheese, please.

It zoomed right by,|just like the way they say it does.

Stamp collections, pulling chickweeds|from my dad's dichondra plants...

arranging rakes by sizes|for my mom in the garage.

Even encapsulated in two seconds,|my life is dull.

- I find that very alarming.|- Edward, stay with me on this.

- How am I gonna get this girl|to go out with me?|- You're not.

This is a very different culture.|You would need very specific...

family-sanctioned introductions|in order to talk to this girl.

- Shh! Listen.|- We read not having in book.

It read-- read for my...

- the book.|- I've never heard rhymes like that.

I've got to be with her,|at least till she learns my name.

- You think the teacher'd|be able to date her?|- Possibly.

- But you would need very...|- That's just what I wanted to hear.

specific introductions.

What we're going|to talk about today is shopping.

Shopping for dinner, and the things you|buy during, uh-- in your shopping trip.

Specifically--|Excuse me.

- Can I help you?|- Yes. I have two months to live...

and I would like to teach|before I die.

I don't think you understand me,|Sparky.

It's all yours.|You got it.

Hello, class.|My name is Adrian Cronauer.

I'd like to get to know|all of you by having you|write down your name, address...

and your home and work phone on a|piece of paper and passing it forward.

Sergeant Sloan our teacher.|You not supposed to be in here.

I was sent here on very|strict orders from a colonel.

First thing I'd like to know is,|what subject this is.

- Is it English?|- Yes, it is.

And how lucky for me.|Thank you very much for playing.

Now, let's start off with the fact|that English is a fantastic language.

Let's try a little phrase,|uh, I like to call...

"My boyfriend's back|and there's gonna be trouble.|Hey-nah, hey-nah, my boyfriend's back."

Can we try that one?

Can we try "My boyfriend's back"?|Anybody?

This is not for you.

Why do I feel like|the Miracle Worker up here?

- This is a nightmare.|- Uh, I don't know dick.

Even saying that means|I don't know dick. I--

I can't really teach English.|That's what Sergeant Sloan's going|to do when he comes back.

I can only tell ya|about how you can talk on,|maybe, the real streets of America.

Like, if you're walking on the streets|of New York and someone says, "Hey!

Excuse me. I would like to buy|some cheese and some butter."

No. No, come on.

Basically, we talk, "Hey, man,|what's happening? Ahh, you look|hip today. Slip me some skin."

Now, if someone in|America comes up and says, "Hey,|slip me some skin," don't be afraid.

They're not a leper,|and they're not gonna go--

No. It means, "Hey, baby,|slip me some skin." It's a greeting.

It's like, "How're you doin'?|Nice to meet you. Slip me some skin."

Now, here's how you do it.|You say, "Slip me some skin."|Put your hand out there.

Then you go, "Yeah, there's some skin."|Now you do it to me.

Yeah! Then you say,|"Groovy. Yeah."

- Say that.|- Groovy.

Yes! Baby!

If something's really nice,|you say, "It's groovy."

Doesn't mean you're going like,|"Yo!" No. It means "groovy."

Try that one. Say, "Hey, baby,|what's happening? Let's groove."

Hey, baby, wh-wh-wh-wh-what's|happening? Let's groove.

- See you later.|- Mr Cronauer, I really liking you.

- Well, I'm liking you too.|- Thank you.

- You teach, um, uh,|American thing, okay?|- Okay.

- Play game of softball.|- Okay, yeah, well, we'll try|and do that if we get the equipment.

- You forget the girl.|- Whoa. I'll let her say no.

She is say no. That is what walking|away from you means.

- I'm interested in the girl. I'm not|interested in you playing Dear Abby.|- I know because she's my sister.

I would, however, love to buy you lunch,|maybe look at a family album. Come on.

- I not like you, sir.|- Why not?

I got a great personality.|You ask anybody.

You phoney, like American|and French before you.

Here to get something,|leaving when you not get it.

You come into my class,|so maybe we like you.

- You come for the girl.|You won't get her. You go.|- Okay, Sherlock.

Yeah, I bribed my way to|meet the girl. You got me, bang.

But hey, I like the class. I'm gonna|stay. Let's be friends, okay? Come on.

- Come on. Come on.|- You like me because of my sister.

No, I like you because you're honest,|because you're shorter than I am.

We look like a before and after picture.|Now, come on. Let me buy you a beer.

Sometimes your face look like a fish|in the Gulf of Thailand.

It's true. It's very true.|That's an insult, isn't it?

You can buy me lunch,|but please forget about my sister.

I know Americans.

See a girl with the type breasts they|like and they put her in a fancy car...

and they buy her some expensive food|and then lie about money.

- And then try and take her into a bed.|- So, what's wrong with that?

It's more devout here.

- Is there any food on this street|that doesn't give you diarrhoea?|- You wanting some?

What the hell is this?

Oh, she pour Nuoc Mahmm|noodle soup with fish ball.

- Didn't know they had balls.|- Eat.

Eat. I can't.|It's still paddling.

No, it okay. I not tell you okay|otherwise. You like it.

You see?|You don't trusting me.

I trust you, man.|It's just that I can't eat something|that looks like a cesspool.

You mad I not trust you,|but truth, you not trust me.

You want be my friend,|you trusting me. You eat it.

Hey, I'll-I'll be-- I wanna be|your pal. Here, okay. I'll eat it.

Dig in. Mm-mm.

Jesus! Sh*t! God!

Oh! Hot!|My-- Ow! Sh*t!

- This stuff is burning|the hair off my feet!|- Hot?

Hot? No.|It's f***in' great.

- She say it's a little spicy.|- A little, yeah.

Isn't that funny?|You like that too?

A little of this? Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!|She likes the Three Stooges.

Hey, Moe! Hey, Moe!

- Oh, you are being silly.|- Ohh!

- You old enough for this place?|- I think so.

Hi, Earl!|Good to see you again!

- Look at the new friend.|- A little too young for you.

I want to show you|something very nice.

- Oh, really?|- It look wonderful.

- I can confide you?|- Sure.

Look at the shape|of that soldier ankle...

the way it so elegantly|curve into his boot.

Help me get some photo|of those ankle, I give you my bar.

- You're a very sick man.|You know that, don't you?|- Ahh!

Thank you.

Oh, God.

Ladies and gentlemen,|I give you the new voice of Saigon...

Adrian Cronauer!

Not enough for the car.

- What happened with the girl?|- It didn't work out.

I want to introduce you to someone|right now from my English class.

- This is Tuan. The guys.|- Hey, Tuan!

- Guys, Tuan.|- Hey, pull up a floor here.

Hi, Tuan.|Long time no "twee." Ba-dum.

- That's terrible. That's terrible.|- Those are gorgeous gals.

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