Goon: Last of the Enforcers Page #6

(cheering)

- Yeah!

- The old boys are looking good.

- F***!

- Nice, Dougie!

- Whoo!

- F***!

- Next goal wins!

- "Next goal wins," what

is this? Street hockey?

- Car!

- Let's get up, baby! Hustle!

- Let's go! Let's go! (rock music)

- Anders, work! They're

making you look bad!

- Game on!

- Mom's got hot chocolate at our place after.

- Loser brings an orange

ball from Canadian Tire!

- "Next goal wins" is a thing. That's...

that's not just road hockey;

that... that is a thing.

- Whoo! -

Hey-hey-hey-hey!

Hey! - Come on! You're gonna

f***ing turtle on me?

- Hey!

- Come on, Dougie, round two.

- Puck's at your feet!

You play to the whistle!

- Come on, Dougie. Come on!

- Dougie, here!

- Shoot the puck, boys!

- The f***!

(cheering)

- There you go! Next goal wins it, right?

- Hahaha! Go, Dougie!

- Haha!

- F***!

- Jesus Christ, man!

- Hey, Hyrum, what kind of

marshmallows do you like?

- Go f*** yourself.

- Boys, bring it in.

Good hustle, eh? Good hustle, heart;

that's what it takes to win. You guys

are getting first shift tonight. Belchy,

you nut, don't wander. You're starting.

- F***ing right, Coach.

It's Canadian f***ing hockey!

- OK. Dougie. Welcome back, son.

(sticks hitting ice)

- Hear, hear.

- Welcome back. Pump.

- Boys!

(indistinct PA system message)

- Doug! Where were you? They

called our names to go in.

- I'm sorry, Eva. I'll

explain when I'm less sweaty.

Hey, triceratops.

It's my favourite dinosaur.

Remember how I keep saying that work is fun

and there's all these documents?

Well, that's, like, only half true,

because it's not fun. At all.

I just don't think that the

insurance bug has truly laid

its eggs inside of me. (Beep!)

- OK.

So...

I mean, who said you had to sell insurance?

I never told you that.

And I only got you those

bloody business cards

'cause I was trying to

be cute or some sh*t.

- The Highlanders still need me.

- We're supposed to

be doing this together,

like a team. Neither of us are

just making decisions

for ourselves anymore.

A lot of sh*t affects both of us.

- (doctor):
Ahem!

(touching music) (heart beating)

- Look at her. Look at what we did.

- Yeah.

She looks like a beautiful,

tiny mushroom person.

- She's so cool.

Just... it was different

watching you beat the piss out of guys

before I actually knew you. I mean,

I f***ing loved it, obviously.

Part of what made me dig

you in the first place.

But the f***ing very moment

I fell in love with you,

it got scary.

Now you're my husband, and...

we've got...

This is big sh*t, Doug.

- I know it is.

- I love you

and if you wanna do something, then...

I'm with you.

But I can't be scared shitless

every time you go out there.

So what I mean is

if you wanna be a Highlander again,

then go and be a Highlander again.

I'll support you,

but you have to do one thing for me.

- I would do anything for you, Eva.

- Don't fight.

- What?

- I've seen you make hits

and kill penalties and block shots

with your face.

I'm trying, but you gotta meet me halfway,

and... and not fight.

And you're more than that.

- OK.

- Thank you, Doug.

- Thank you, Eva.

- Come on, you can't quit on me now!

What about all our adventures?

Remember that one time I

thought you had a watch?

Are you just gonna throw that away?

- Sorry, Bob Forbes. I don't know

anything about documents.

- What, you think I do?! Somebody gives me

a document, I go hmm-hmm,

give it to another guy!

It's how insurance works!

God dammit!

Oh!

Ah, I can't say I'm not sad to see you go,

but if you change your mind, just know

you always got a spot here

in the storage shed, Dennis.

He's, he's staying. No, he's gone. Sh*t.

Aaaah!

Always driving away the ones you love.

Yeah, that ought to hold. Jesus Christ!

Ugh! Ah!

- Let me try you love Yes

babe, I'm waiting please don't stop

(cell phone dinging) Hey

guys, all your love forever

Let me try you love Yes babe,

I'm waiting please don't stop

Hey guys, all your love forever

- Hey. How's your arm?

- Good. Thank you. How's your arm?

- Listen, uh, everybody's rusty

their first game. It's OK. OK?

(Laflamme clicks his tongue)

- F***.

- (together):
Belchy!

- We are very much happy

you are playing again.

- This is our gift to you. Sandwich.

- This is you upon receipt of sandwich.

- Smiling?

- Mm-hmm.

- Happy cartoon.

- F***ing A, man. That

feels f***ing right.

We needed this, man. You two

f***ing buffoons are standing there

with your giant d*cks.

I mean, that's a f***ing

sturgeon, man. Jesus

Christ! I tell ya, man,

I always think you're gonna

f***ing prank me or whatever,

you know, or you're gonna say your sh*t

about my f***ing mom, which, you know...

- No, no, no, no. We

respect your mother now.

She's becoming very open-minded.

- Yeah, man. Alright.

She's been working on that.

- Mm

- hmm. Big cream pie,

pearl f***ing necklace.

- Golden showers,

double penetration.

- Double penetration.

No butt, just vagina.

Two penis, one hole.

- Yes. Worm, worm...

- (together):
kisses.

- Deep inside your mother.

Ay, ay, ay, ay...

- (both):
Ohhh!

- The f*** is that?! Worm,

worm? F***, you two, man!

- You understand. We are brothers;

we power-f*** your mother.

- You know, I'm an idiot

for f***ing even trusting you

for a second, you Ruski

f***ing pricks. The best revenge

is living well. I'm not

stooping to your f***ing level.

- The mayonnaise is semen.

- What?!

- Semen.

- You know, ejaculate.

- (Duffy):
Doug Blatt is

a Highlander once more.

With just a quarter of the

season left, Hyrum Cain seems

to be trying a hail-Mary

move by bringing back a man

known for his fists and,

frankly, not much else.

- No. Considering this will be Glatt's

first hockey game since being

knocked out by his now teammate,

the currently suspended

Anders Cain, this should make

for an interesting

locker-room dynamic

and even more awkward

Cain-family Boxing Day. I mean,

that household is a f***ing disaster.

- Just read the prompter, man.

- No. I say what I want, James,

because I got a pair of

balls, not two pieces of p*ssy.

- How long is this gonna happen for?

- For as long as it takes.

SportsDesk, we'll

take as long as it takes.

(audio feedback) SportsDesk,

f*** yeah. (SportsDesk theme music)

- Alright, OK. F*** it.

- Ah! Off the belly!

In the ear!

- Ow! Alright, no.

- Doug with that big dick!

- (McCauley):
With just 20 games left in the regular season...

- Too much?

- It's not...

- (McCauley):
Still on the bubble.

The Halifax faithful are hoping

the Thug can do his part to

get them back to the playoffs.

To the St. John's Shamrocks.

The Shamrocks bring it

out of their own zone.

Here's the pass up

the wing. Oh, baby!

Doug Glatt's return

continues to electrify

his crowd and his team.

(indistinct hip-hop song)

St. John still with a man

advantage. Laflamme getting up,

getting ready to go.

Anders Cain, no help

tonight as he has been suspended.

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