Goon Page #2

the f*** out of you.

When you come in close to stop

the onslaught - boom! Uppercut.

Doug! Doug! Doug! Doug!

- 6,000 off!

- 5,000 off

The Thug hates crappy cars.

- Sorry, buddy.

- You're gonna f*** them up good.

- Coach, you wanted to see me?

- Yeah. Hey, Doug.

Come on in. Grab a chair.

There's something I want to

discuss with you.

I am truly f***ing proud of you.

I'm truly f***ing proud of you.

Imagine playing in a league,

where they actually played hockey.

- Your talent is wasted here.

- I don't know if I have any talent.

You've been touched by the

fist of God, for Christ's sake.

- Thank you, sir.

- I got a brother, Ron.

He's the coach and manager

of the Halifax Highlanders.

I've told him about you

and I think you can help him out.

It all starts with this player

he's got there, Xavier Laflamme.

Holy sh*t, could this guy dance

with a puck

and he could put

that cocksucker away too.

He's 100 % pure, natural scorer.

He ends up going number two

overall and Montreal grabs him.

Whoo! I'm number one!

Fourth game in the season,

it's the home opening, bam.

- Ross "The Boss" Rhea.

- Nice hit, eh?

Suffers third-degree concussion.

Lucky he wasn't f***ing killed.

Then he comes back,

he's scared shitless out there.

The pressure's starting to mount

on this kid and he can't hack it.

He's missing practices,

hanging with the wrong people.

There are rumours, the f*** tapes -

it still starts to add up.

So that summer,

he says he wants to trade.

They sent him down to Halifax.

He's with my brother.

All right, that's all I can

f***ing stand, ladies.

You know why we're losing?

Because you're f***ing sh*t.

Doug,

he wants to offer you a contract.

This is a farm club.

This is not some league where the

team is named after a radio station.

It's one step under the big league.

You go there,

you watch Frenchie's back.

Maybe you could snap him out of

his slump, snap that team awake.

- Thank you so much.

- You done good.

It's a great opportunity.

I'm so glad you see that.

- Did you draw that?

- What?

- The wolf.

- Of course.

- What's its name?

- Loopi.

Frame it

to remember your days here.

Thanks for Loopi, Coach.

My cousin Sherilyn, she works

at this titty bar in Dartmouth

and she has

this dance move she does

where she drags her jagged coke

nail across her C-section scars

and she's been asking me

to come watch her

and I've been saying, "It's

kinda gross cos we're family,"

but I don't actually

find it that gross.

- This is me here.

- This one.

Dougie, beat the sh*t out of

some jagoffs for me.

- I'm going to be okay, right?

- You're the f***ing Thug.

You're going to be

f***ing awesome.

- I love you, bud.

- I'll miss you, buddy.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

There he goes! That's my friend.

I know Doug "The Thug" Glatt.

I remember when his dick was

a little f***ing Christmas light.

Prrrrrr! Halifax! Halifax!

# Yo, yo, yo, Morenas

Que tal? Como esta usted

# Pronto, pronto, pronto,

pronto, pronto, chu cha

- # Chu cha

- # Baila! Yo, baila! Yeah, Baila...

Hello?

Jesus.

Hello!

- Ferme I'ostie d'porte!

- I'm sorry. Nice to meet you...

- Close the f***ing door.

- Thanks for having me.

Hmm.

- Jesus, it's early.

- I'm Doug Glatt.

- Gord Ogilvey.

- Nice to meet you.

So you're the tough Yank

who beats the sh*t out of everyone.

- I don't know about that.

- Glad to have you here.

- Thanks. I'm happy to be here.

- Yeah, my wife left me.

Said she was sick of hockey.

Sick of hockey.

- I'm sorry.

- It's pretty much a shitter.

No. Thanks. That's so nice of you.

No, I'm good, thanks.

This is Stevesy. Anything

you need, you tell me. He'll do it.

- Don't hesitate.

- I'm Glug Datt.

Doug Glatt.

Park Kim, left winger.

Paying for med school.

Asians are an industrious people.

I guess hockey's like math to him.

The ice and the puck are like

equations, hey, Parkie?

Where's my f***ing helmet?

Marco Belchior.

We call him Belchie.

- He's from Regina.

- Vagina?

- He drinks a lot of hand sanitizer.

- What so funny, giggling bits?

We have your

momma. See this beautiful smile.

- Yeah, she is...

- Say hello.

- Let's go f*** your mother.

- Ooh!

- Work! Yes!

- Just like Belchior.

You f***ing

Chernobyl motherfuckers.

Mother's p*ssy's so f***ing tight,

no way a baby come out there.

- You were adopted.

- I'm on your team!

- Does anybody else see this sh*t?

- Oh, what a woman.

- I love you, Momma.

- You might want to wash it first.

- Hi, I'm Doug Glatt.

- Two rules, man.

Stay away

from my f***ing Percocets,

and do you have

any f***ing Percocets, man?

All right. What about Laflamme?

Where's he at?

Probably giving some single

mother herpes in a parking lot.

Sure.

# Yo!

# Yeah, huh

Yeah, this is the sh*t right here

# Yeah, this is making me want

to kill somebody... #

Okay, boys, let's go flat out

and give it 121 % tonight.

# God keep our land

# Glorious and free

# O, Canada!

# We stand on guard for thee

# O, Canada

# I stand on guard with...

- # Thee! #

- # Thee! #

Well, that was borderline

treasonous

and a disgrace to our nation

and its proud and storied history.

My father didn't kick the Nazis...

And the puck drops. Faceoff win

by Hamilton. Chipped back to Hall.

Here's Jefferson of the Steelers.

Takes the shot.

Nice save, Belchior.

Sacco dishes to Ogilvey.

Laflamme still looking to find his game.

Ogilvey to Laflamme...

Oh, he's down!

Come on Laflamme. Grow a set.

- Come on, boys. Work the corners.

- Come on, let's keep it together.

- Hamilton come out of their zone.

- Don't pinch!

Halifax pinches in.

Johnson gets it over.

Here's the shot. He scores!

That's a Hamilton goal.

- Five-hole

- Ass-licker.

Am I the only one here, you

Slavic f***ing borscht-blooded,

cabbage-headed motherfuckers?

Why don't you stop the puck in

your vagina, you Russian lesbians?

Get your hands out of your ass!

Jesus.

- Come on, boys!

- Man on, Kim! Man on!

Now Kim goes into the corner.

Come on! What the f***?

He won't be heard from

till next week.

- That's a f***ing elbow, Howard.

- The doctor needs a doc.

Bullshit.

Okay, number six, you light him up.

I got it. Just get lost. I got it.

Ronnie Hortense is looking

for a spark to ignite his team,

and that spark is in the person of

Doug Glatt,

and what a spark he'll be.

Come on, you f***ing p*ssy.

I got him.

- Come on.

- Who the f*** are you?

What's up, fish? You want some?

Come on, come on.

Oh, Doctor! What a dbut!

F***ing rights!

You know that cats only meow

when people are around?

- It's true.

- I read that in "Cat Fancy".

What are these doing here?

That ought to be gone.

Here's a little dose.

A little dose.

Here we are.

- It's time to welcome...

- Hi, guys.

- Doug.

- ..Doug officially

Through an initiation.

So what do I have to do?

Oh, sh*t.

Sleep peaceful, old wanderer.

We should sign his dick.

Everyone sign his dick.

- What's happening here?

- What's the matter?

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