Grandview U.S.A. Page #6

Yeah, this is, uh,

Ernie Webster speaking.

I'm coming by tomorrow to pick up

my clothes and personal items,

so consider yourself duly warned.

And if you know what's good for you,

make sure you and your Maytag

boyfriend evacuate the premises.

Ten-four, roger, over and out.

That's all, folks.

Son of a b*tch.

Candy. Candy!

Better hit the road, Jack.

Cops are on their way.

- Candy.

- She don't wanna talk to you.

You're gonna pay, you son of a b*tch,

you are gonna pay.

F*** you, pal.

She's gonna divorce your crazy ass

and take every cent you got.

Every cent, pal.

Even this house.

So you lose, buckwheat.

Like hell she is, that is my house.

Well, we'll see about that.

Just wait.

Just wait, you crippled Donkey Dick,

just wait.

Well, why don't you wait, pal?

Because I think I hear the cops

coming right now.

Sure you got all the slips

for these here?

Yeah, I think that's about it.

I'm trying to find

Slam Webster.

Who? Oh, you mean Ernie Webster?

Yeah, Ernie Webster, right.

Hold on a minute.

Okay.

Hey, Mike, we're still shod

about, uh, ten title slips.

If they're not there,

I don't know where they are.

He's probably at lunch.

He ought to be back in...

All right, when he gets back,

will you have him call Mike Cody?

No! You get down off of there.

- No!

- Get this bastard off me!

- They're mine.

- Stop him!

What the hell is going on?

Stop it, Cowboy.

Did you hear me?

Cut it out, you cut it out.

You hear me?

They're my cars.

You say you're sorry.

They're taking my cars.

No, sir, they are not your cars

and they never have been.

You're in deep sh*t, mister,

you better say you're sorry.

No!

No!

Cowboy.

- Leave him be.

- Cowboy.

I forgot to tell him I sold the cars.

I didn't think to tell him myself.

Well, he'll work it out on his own.

Hey, I'm sorry. You okay?

Yeah, I'm all right.

Hey, don't you think it's about time

we open up this clip joint for business?

Well, howdy-do folks

and welcome to Cody's Speedrome,

home of the Demolition Derby.

Remember, you've still got

a few minutes to crawl over

to Big Benny's Ptomaine Pit, home

of the famous dysentery fondue.

Our special

is Polynesian muskrat

with dirty white sauce.

Try it with a side

of deep fat-fried retreads.

I'll be right there.

But seriously, folks, Big Benny

has an excellent selection

of fine food, some like,

corn dogs, hamburgers,

hot popcorn, ice-cold beer

and ice-cold light beer.

Potato chips, hot barbecue.

You know, if you still wanna go out,

I'd like to.

I see your high school boyfriend's

running in the derby tonight.

So?

So if you wanna turn this

into kiddie-cars, that's your business.

We're gonna have

another smash-them-up evening

like we do every Friday

and Saturday night.

Let's get right on down to it.

Would everyone please rise

for our national anthem?

Is he still mad?

Look, don't worry about him, go on.

Now you remember,

you break off your flag

the minute you're out of the running.

Because as long as it's up,

you're fair game, got it?

Piece of cake.

Be careful.

Having a little

technical difficulty here,

but we got that an straightened out,

so let's start the countdown.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,

five, four, three, two, one.

And here we go.

Holy sh*t.

Red Baron...

Beautiful hit on...

Beautiful. Oh, what a hit.

We got a little bit of fire...

Beautiful.

Oh, counter hit.

They don't want to quit it, folks.

Somebody must be a little hungry.

Look out for...

I think it's about time

you break out your flag.

Tim, Tim, break off your flag!

Student Driver,

please break off your flag.

Tim, break it off.

That young man

is out of commission there.

Wait a minute, Slam.

We got a problem here, folks.

Break off that flag...

Red lights on the field, will everyone

hold their positions please?

Is he all right?

- Are you all right?

- I'm okay, Mike.

- Pearson, you all right?

- You crazy son of a b*tch.

Mike, I'm okay.

You weren't trying to win,

you had it out for him.

- I got the wind knocked out of me.

- What's your problem?

Get off the track.

- Mike, I'm okay.

- Get off the track, Slam.

All right. All right, I'm going, screw it.

I don't like the way the rules

keep changing anyway.

Well, folks, it seems to be a...

Everything seems to be all right.

We're out of danger, so we're

gonna go through a short cleanup,

- Come on.

- so please head on over

to Big Benny's Ptomaine Shack,

and try that Polynesian muskrat.

No. No.

No.

What's baby gonna do to Donny?

Donny doesn't know.

Sure you do.

Call me Miss Baby Doll.

Baby Doll.

- I said Miss Baby Doll.

- Miss Baby Doll.

That's enough,

I'll tell you when again.

Down. Stay put.

This is nice. You having fun?

It's fun, huh?

What's that?

Sounds like it's coming

from right out front.

Some kids hot-rodding around.

- Where you going?

- I'll be right back.

Oh, my God.

Candy, what's going on?

- He's crazy, he's got a bulldozer.

- Who?

What? Slam?

It's Slam? Call the cops.

- The cops.

- Wait.

Untie me, Candy.

Aah! Operator?

Sorry, um, give me the cops.

He's got... He's got a bulldozer.

He's gonna kill us.

Candy, I'm in here.

Candy, untie me.

Help me.

Hey, Candy, help me!

Our Father, who an in heaven...

Yahoo!

Somebody! Get me out of here!

- Hey, you!

- Me?

Yeah, you, get me out of here!

- Okay, folks, step on back.

- Help him out.

Okay, Slam, now shut it off.

Come on, shut it off.

Come down off of there now,

you've had your fun.

Slam, I'm warning you.

Come down off there

right now, you hear me?

You're under arrest.

Now get down off of there.

Take me away, look me up,

it is a crime to feel this good.

Yeah!

That's right.

Still going to Chicago tomorrow?

I got my ticket.

You love him, don't you?

He's crazy.

- You speeding?

- No.

Oh, no.

- What happened?

- Jesus, I don't know, Mike.

I was working on the books and all of

a sudden the whole place was on fire.

Oh, my God.

Get down!

We need help here, hit that hot spot.

- Mike.

- You okay, Mike?

- Aw.

- Oh.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Hang on.

Okay, everybody, coffee's on.

Do you want some coffee?

I'll get it.

Got to check over here.

How could you do this?

Tim.

Mike, believe me,

I had nothing to do with this.

God, I'm sorry

any of this ever happened.

Mike.

Hey, Mike, come here,

we got something to show you.

Damn valve is wide open.

It was padlocked.

Who else got a key to this look?

Cowboy.

Better get something.

Cowboy?

Why?

They took my cars away.

Cow, this was our home.

Dad.

Dad, I'm sorry.

You want a ride back to town?

What happened to you?

Speedrome burnt down last night.

No.

To the ground.

What are you gonna do?

- It all depends.

- On what?

On you.

Damn, I love you.

Well, in that case,

I better let you out of here.

Ha. What?

Come on, boys,

old drives keep moving.

Attention, attention.

Listen, I make halfway decent

money and if we saved,

we could rebuild

the Speedrome better than ever.

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