Granny of the Dead Page #2

mum's from hell.

She's got a face like a demon.

It's funny.

My dad always said, "your

mum's the f***ing devil, son."

Couldn't get much

worse than this.

- Yeah.

Sh*t!

- Look, mate,

I am sorry about shootin'

your uncle in the face.

- It's all right.

- He was comin' right at us.

- He was trying to kill us.

- He was.

- Did you have to

shoot my dog, though?

- Well,

you can't be too sure.

- But you, yeah you can.

- He had a look in his eye.

- He's always got

that look in his eye.

He's got one eye.

- Uh,

there's one to sign for.

I'll just leave

it here, shall I?

- Dai.

Gaz is dead.

- No way.

- Not only that.

I think the police turned up.

There was a lot of

screaming and now

there's nothing

but silence.

I don't get it.

The door was locked.

He must have got

attacked from outside.

- In that case it's

already started.

They've begun to roam the town.

- What am I supposed to do?

- Well, there's only

two things you can do:

Secure the house

and kill your nan,

or stay put and wait for

this to all blow over.

- I don't think i

can kill my nan.

Billy.

There's something I need

to tell you, it's been,

it's been buggin'

me all morning.

- Trust me, ed, nothing's

gonna bother me right now.

- Gaz has been

shagging your nan.

- You what?

- See where I got your uncle?

Look, brains left.

Brainy, brainy, brainy.

Brainy.

- It's too soon for that.

- Brainy.

- It's too soon.

- Got a prank call, number nine.

Possible crazies with shotguns.

- Shotguns?

Sh*t.

Only the other night I was

watchin' hobo with a shotgun.

Seen it?

- No.

Any good?

- Awesome.

Craziest f***ed-up

film I've ever seen.

I need help

at number nine high view--

- sir?

- And there's--

- you okay?

- A man here without a hand.

- You all right, sir?

- Right, I'll go around the

back, keep an eye on him.

- Sir, can you

turn around please?

Sir, can you tell

me what happened?

Sir, stay right there!

Don't f***in' move.

I said stay there, sir!

Stay there!

F***.

Oh, Christ!

- Up here!

Up here.

Whoa, don't shoot me!

- Keep still.

Right, what the f***'s going on?

We've had reports of

man here with a shotgun.

- Uh, not exactly,

but there is a mad old woman

in there, trying to kill me.

She's in the house somewhere.

- She has a shotgun?

- Uh.

Yeah.

I'd shoot to kill,

she's gone insane.

- Get back, get back!

Sh*t.

Sh*t!

- Sh*t!

Where is she?

Have you seen her?

- No.

You mind telling me

what the hell that is?

- That

is my dead cat, moggy.

Sleeping in a pile of sh*t.

- What's really goin' on here?

- The truth is

my nan's a zombie.

- A zombie?

- Yeah,

and she ate my cat.

Shoot the b*tch!

She's gone.

- Oh, no!

Oh, my god.

- Why didn't you shoot him?

- Shoot him?

You mean my f***in' partner?

- He's a zombie!

- Ah,

back the f*** off, zombies.

They're bullshit.

Let me think a second.

- While you think about

things I'm gonna take a sh*t.

- You take a sh*t

and I'll shoot you.

- What?

F***.

- Hello, come in.

This is Harvey here,

we have a real serious

situation, I need back-up.

Hello?

Officer ts5291.

I need assistance, come in.

What the f*** is going on?

- It's spread.

- What, the zombies?

- They've taken over the old,

now it looks like the

whole village is infected.

- Infected, by zombies?

- Yeah.

- Well you got a signal

on that phone of yours?

- Oh, not yet.

One bar.

Ah, two.

Oh, my god, no!

Bugger,

bugger, bugger, bugger!

- Look, hurry.

- Get off, me,

I'm trying to get in.

Ah, for f***'s sake.

- Boom!

- Ah, get him, get him.

We've got a big gun now.

Oh, Christ.

- Sorry, I cant

hold it in any longer.

Oh, my gosh.

There.

So,

what's the plan?

- I'd rather you didn't

speak to me when you're,

when you're takin' a sh*t.

- We need a plan.

- Yeah, well let's not

rush into anythin'.

We've got to have

a real good plan.

- We use that gun and

shoot our way out.

- Look, I don't think running

out of here with guns blazin'

is a good idea.

- We could just

wait for help?

- I don't think I can wait.

- Yeah,

me neither.

- Jeez.

- Sorry.

- Distract my friend

'cause I'm going.

- What about the plan?

- F*** the plan.

- I'm sorry.

No, wait wait, what's

goin' on, wait.

- F***, my partner's out there.

- But my nan's that way.

- Well I don't wanna kill him.

- Well I don't wanna kill her.

- We're goin' that way.

- Did you hear that?

- What?

- Did you hear that?

- What?

- It's jan.

- It's jan.

- Jan who?

- Jan?

- Help me!

- There it is again.

- Shut up, you're

makin' me willies.

- It's comin' from

the livin' room.

- Come on.

- It's my neighbor doin' that,

he may be one.

Wait, man, I don't think

this is a good idea.

- Help me.

- There!

Shoot her.

Why is she so strong?

Shoot her!

Why aren't you shooting her?

Just shoot her!

- Gem.

- Ceri, thank god!

Did you make it out?

- I made it.

- Where are you now?

- Um, not too far away.

I'm at the edge of the woods.

- Ceri?

- I think there's someone here.

- What?

Then get out of the woods.

Get out of the woods, run!

Run!

- I don't think you

should be moving the body.

- I can't have her

lyin' out there.

Any neighbor could pop

out his door and see this.

- She is your neighbor.

I don't wanna take her, what

if a neighbor finds her?

There!

F***in'...

I think she's blamin' me.

I,

she could've killed me already.

She still remembers me.

- Come on.

Let's get outta here.

- F***!

Didn't see him.

- Conserving bullets.

Good thinking.

Oh, sh*t.

- What?

- I forgot my club.

Where is he?

Do you think he's

toying with us?

- Zombies don't toy with you.

Clever girl.

- No!

Nan!

Sh*t!

Nan!

F***.

Sh*t.

Dai.

Things have really

hit the fan here.

- For once you're right.

Don't think it's just

the village any more.

More like the county,

south wales even.

TV and Internet signal's down,

i can't get any outside info.

Luckily the phone

signal's still up.

How's your situation goin'?

- Not too good.

I swear, I've seen

some weird sh*t.

- Why are you whisperin'?

- I don't know.

- I've noticed a

few different types.

You've got your slow zombie,

normally with white eyes.

Then you've got your

fast zombie, normally

with black eyes.

The supernatural

thing's starting to look

like the right theory, though.

I think they're fastest when

the demon has hold of them.

Need to start thinkin'

about securin' your house

and getting ready

for the long haul.

- What do you mean?

Killin' my nan?

Stockin' up with food, and

and loading up with weapons?

Stockin' up with

food first, I think.

- Okay.

You stock up, kill your nan.

I'm gonna try and get

word from the outside.

Oh!

Hello!

- What?

- Just saw a guy get

his arm ripped off.

Oh, call you later.

- Sh*t.

Sh*t.

Sh*t!

Look you, what are you doin'?

- Sh*t!

- It's said, the

earlier the zombie,

the more memories it has left.

But soon, they'll all disappear

and all that's left

is its instinct

to eat the livings' flesh.

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