Granny of the Dead Page #3

- Ah, stupid.

Sh*t.

F***.

Oh, f***!

No, no, oh f***!

- Ed.

- Phil.

- It's time.

- Dai,

it's getting f***ing worse.

- From what I'm seein' here,

you don't wanna leave

your room again.

- Well it's too bloody

late now, I'm on the roof.

- The roof?

- Yeah,

I got chased out my own house.

- You need to get back

in there and secure the house.

- What?

- I'm safe, secure,

I've got plenty of food.

Well, I say food.

A dozen pot noodles,

snacks and tinned stuff.

Should keep me going

for a bit though.

And elen's on the way over.

Hey, how's your girlfriend

taking all this?

- Oh, sh*t!

Hey, sweetie.

- Don't you hey sweetie

me, you bastard.

Why haven't you called?

- Why didn't you call me?

- Because I'm still

mad at you, that's why.

And just because it's

the end of the world

it doesn't mean I'm

gonna forgive you, okay?

- I'm sorry I didn't

call you sooner, babes,

but my nan's been trying

to kill me all day.

Will you wait a sec?

Where are you?

- I'm in the car.

I'm fine, by the way,

thanks for askin'.

- F***!

If you're in your car why

don't you just drive to mine?

- Well, when when i

ran out of the house

I was chased by my uncle rod,

and when I opened the

car door, I panicked, and

I left the keys in the door.

- Your uncle's still there?

- Yeah.

- Okay wait a sec.

- Ed?

I'm sorry I was

so harsh with you.

I wish you was here

to protect me and all.

- Right.

I'm gonna get down

off this roof,

kill a few zombies on the way,

I'm gonna come for you, and

I'm gonna save the f***ing day.

- You mean it?

- Yeah, damn right!

- I love you.

- Hiya, love!

- Sh*t!

Sh*t.

F*** it!

- What the f***?

- Sorry, ed, thought you

was one of those things.

- Really f***in' hurt.

Sh*t.

- F*** you, mum, and

you have got a mustache!

- Billy!

Are you okay?

- No, my mum's a f***in'

b*tch and my nan's a whore!

- Oh, sh*t, Billy, calm down.

- And those things have

got me out of the house!

- It's all right,

it's all right.

- What the f***'s that?

- A gun.

I found it round

the block, you know.

- Let's have a look.

- I'm as good as packin'.

- What, can I borrow it?

- Oh, no, sorry it's mine.

Why don't you just get

back in there, be a man,

and just throw her ass out!

Come on, Billy!

Go on!

Oh, Billy?

Sh*t.

No f***in' way.

Ah.

Oh, sh*t!

F***!

Okay, come on.

Okay.

F*** the f*** off.

F***.

Come on!

Oh, son of a b*tch.

You want a fight?

You're gonna get one.

Where are you?

God, get off.

Oh, god, oh.

Go make pancakes

in hell, you b*tch!

- Ed?

Is Gemma here?

I got her a present.

- Sh*t!

- Watch it.

What the...

- Gotta save the f***ing--

- oh!

I'm so sorry, are you all right?

- I think I bruised my ass.

- Oh, where?

- Ah!

Oh sh*t.

Quick,

in the car.

- What?

- In the car.

- What?

- No no, I'll drive.

Don't do this now,

you piece of sh*t!

F***!

Sh*t.

Is that Corey?

- Jesus!

- Come on!

Oh, my god.

- F***.

- Sh*t.

- You seen that, it was

f***in' inches away.

F*** it, oh god!

Ah, f*** it!

- Ed, ed, ed.

- F***, get

in, get in, come on!

- Move, move your finger!

- Help!

- Is there something

you should be telling us?

- Yeah, there's

zombies everywhere.

- Everywhere.

- Aw, sh*t.

My parents.

Hey, don't, don't, dad!

Get something sharp!

- The

boy's jumped on him.

Oh, he's jumpin' all over him.

- It's a zombie.

You need to destroy its brain!

Quick!

- Oh, boys,

this is not good, right?

What do we do out there, eh?

- Quick!

Quick!

- Over there, over

there, over there!

- Oh, my god.

- The head, shoot it!

- Oh, okay, I'm firin'!

- Hit her in the head!

Get it in the head, man!

- I'm tryin', all right.

- Bugger!

- Will, I am very

stressed out right now!

Try and move back!

- Ah, quick!

What the--

what the f***, man?

- Ed.

Get off of him, man.

- Oh god, oh god, no!

Oh!

Oh god!

Get off me, oh f***, oh.

- Ed!

- Look, look it's Billy!

- Oh, f***in' hell!

- What the f***, Johnny?

You sick b*tch.

- Dave!

- Shoot him, shoot the

f***ing thing, shoot them!

Do you have ammo,

get the ammo on you!

Oh, you f***ing idiot!

It's goin' off, Christ almighty.

Run man and get her!

- Oh, god.

- Get up, get up, get up.

- Billy, you're a f***ing fool!

- Get out of the way!

Stop the bloody car,

woman, will you do it?

Jesus!

- Look,

he's all right!

- Bleeding.

- No, wait.

I'll do it.

- I love you.

- Sh*t.

- Hey.

- Oh f***, no.

Careful, jeez.

Right in the eye.

- Sorry.

- Don't touch him!

- So.

You're sayin'

this all started

with the olds, yeah?

- That's the theory.

- But

doesn't your brother work

in an old people's home?

- Yeah.

Oh,

sh*t!

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