Greener Mountains Page #2

Yeah, definitely.

Wait a minute, you go all the way

up to the cloisters from NYU to study?

Hm-hmm, yeah.

- NYU...

- That's it. Give me that.

It's in Greenwich village.

What was I thinking?

You weren't thinking.

( overlapping chatter )

( cheering )

Come on, Alice.

Big stick!

( cheering )

( cheering )

- Run! Run run run run!

- Oh! Oh ho ho!

Well, I guess we found

the boy's weakness.

Cue the fairies.

I don't want to be a fairy anymore, J.P.

What?

I don't want

to be a fairy anymore, J.P.!

No one else can play

mustard-seed like you.

I think I... I should be

a leading man or something.

Actors.

( man singing echoes )

so black of hue

With orange-tawny bill

The throstle with his note so true

The wren with little quill.

What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?

She's your mom?

- Yeah, I'm adopted.

- Cool.

I know. My name's J.P.

- Three toe.

- Huh?

That's my name. Three toe.

Don't ask.

So are you sure this is okay?

'Cause we didn't rehearse this part.

Don't worry, three toe.

I'm a professional stuntman.

- Wow.

- I know.

Peaseblossum, cobweb,

moth, mustard-seed.

Grab the rope.

- Ready!

- And I...

go.

( laughter )

Damn.

You're the best

mustard-seed we've ever had.

Three toe?

Toe, toe?

Really?

Yeah, really.

Perfect. Perfect.

Right?

"Weaving spiders, come not here;

Hence, you long-legg'd spinners, hence!"

I can't believe you roped me into this.

When does your semester start?

The first week of September.

How 'bout I stay up here

and we drive down together?

Woman:
We probably make

a million decisions

in our lives.

Two, maybe three, have the capacity

to truly alter our lives forever.

When did you decide this?

I've been thinking

about it for a while now.

Just seems right.

You're bluffing.

Huh? He hasn't placed a bet.

Gee, buddy, I thought

you were going to U.V.M.

I mean, Holly and me

were gonna come up...

Past Mother:

Your bet, J.P.

Plus this.

- Your lucky softball?

- Yup.

That's a mighty

steep bet there, partner.

I can handle it, Mike.

Ah, it's too rich for me.

Yeah, if I wanted high stakes,

I'd go to Vegas.

Call.

Pair of twos.

Nines and fours.

Damn!

Oh, it ain't wise to bluff the bluffer

who taught you in the first place.

Present Mike:
Holly and me,

We were gonna come up.

Maybe catch a few games, remember?

Man:
In any case,

Jimmy, it's way too late

to transfer to NYU now.

You'd have to wait a year.

Well, I can't.

Well, hell, let's get Eric up here.

Raise.

Eric your grandson?

Yeah, he's managing the whole NYU

endowment portfolio or something.

Isn't he, counsel?

- That he is.

- Well, hell,

let's get him up here.

Mother:
You remember Muggs.

- How are you?

- Eric.

And this is Max.

He's the Sherriff of our town.

Yeah, I remember you used

to come up when you were a kid.

That's right. That's right.

J.P., I remember.

Yeah, I'm your Uncle.

He is my Uncle, isn't he?

How are you, Uncle J?

I'm good.

Enough yapping.

Who's dealing?

All right, give me those.

( hacking cough )

You okay, Grammy?

Oh, I would be if the damn doctor

would give me something stronger

than cherry syrup to get rid of it.

Maybe Dr. a should

be writing prescriptions

down at the state liquor store.

Well, if you shut up,

I'll go see him tomorrow.

( clears throat )

So can you help out J.P., Eric?

Are you kidding?

Grammy, I would do anything for you.

I would do anything for her.

I'll make it happen.

Cool.

So I'm going to NYU.

All right.

( baby gurgles )

( gurgles )

"Fairies, skip hence..."

Len asked me if I wasn't

too old to bring up a baby.

( laughs )

I told him any baby'd

be lucky to be brought up by me.

Most moms don't have

a speck of wisdom to pass on,

haven't lived long enough.

Mommy's losing too much for you?

( laughs )

( coos )

Randall:

And of course I'm bonded

through two different companies.

I maintain an independent auditor

for my books if you like.

Although that does cost a little more.

I have received three different awards

from chambers of commerce

for excellence in resort management.

I love my work.

I have no pets,

or children,

or a spouse or...

or friends of any kind.

Well, this looks great.

I just have one question.

Why did you leave the Catskill resort?

The comics, they drove me nuts.

You're in.

( crickets chirping )

( soft music playing )

Is this Chuck Estes?

I love Chuck Estes.

Yeah, I caught him at smalls jazz club

last time I was down there.

You're the most interesting...

Who are you, J.P. Barton?

( whispers )

J.P.

Is that your girl?

Yeah.

Yeah yeah, that's...

uh, you can wave to her.

All right, that's Alice.

She's from New York.

I'm gonna get your salads for you.

- Uh, with chicken.

- J.P.:
Yeah, with chicken.

She's a little cutie.

Mother:
Peaseblossum!

Cobweb! Moth!

Mustardseed.

- Alice:
Ready.

- Toe:
And I.

Mother:
Be kind and courteous

to this gentleman.

Hop in his walks and gambol in his eyes.

Dude, this is whack.

Whack doesn't even cover it.

It is a pretty place, though, huh?

Yeah.

It really is an incredible

piece of land.

I got to show you guys

what's across the lake.

It's been years since I was there,

but there're acres

and acres all undeveloped.

( laughter )

J.P., we're gonna miss you.

There're three things

that people choose

to live their lives by.

Religion, money,

or love.

If you choose religion,

don't worry about which one.

They're all just guesses anyway.

If you choose money,

always remember that the more you have,

the dumber the ways

you'll find to spend it.

( laughter )

And last but not least,

love.

( coughs )

( coughs ) Love.

Well, you're just gonna have to

work that one out for yourself

'cause I'm not divulging my secrets yet.

( laughter )

I may still need 'em.

To J.P.

Okay. We have to...

6:
00 A.M.... we have to meet,

and then we're leaving. 6:00, okay?

( Eric laughs )

Hello?! Uncle J.P.!

( drunken laughs ) Oh my God!

- ( mocking roars )

- There he is.

- Uncle J.P.!

- J-bird!

- Hi.

- Hey, Eric tells me

you could take us for a little

cruise across the lake.

- Oh man, it's way too dark.

- Come on.

You won't be able to see anything.

- Come on, J.

- Boo. Boo.

Slides.

I've got slides of the whole area

in the lodge.

Yeah.

Guys:
Slides.

- Slides.

- Let's go.

Let's go, excellent.

Okay.

So, Mr. J.P.,

I brought you some

Vermont cheddar cheese soup.

( distant laughter )

Girl:
Where are

you guys thinking houses?

- J.P.:
This is the lake. Pretty?

- Wow.

J.P.:
This shows there's

4,000,000 miles in acres.

Eric:
That is a lot of acres.

What's that.

J.P.:
That's the gazebo.

The best view of the lake from here.

That's nice.

That's gorgeous.

J.P.:
That's the chest sweat lodge.

I burned it down once.

Eric:
Wait, there was a fire

in the sweat lodge?

( laughs )

- That is the old oak.

- Guy:
The old oak!

- Eric:
That's pretty.

- Wait wait.

It's on the wrong side.

It's on this side.

Girl:
What?

- Yeah.

- What am I talking about?

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