Gremlins 2: The New Batch Page #4

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Miss us?

- You gotta evacuate the building.

- Why?

There are creatures in it.

They start out small and furry.

If they eat after midnight,

they form cocoons...

- You're having a psychotic episode.

- You gotta listen.

This is good.

They're furry, then they have cocoons.

They eat, then cocoon.

Sure. You're going into a cocoon,

you wanna eat first.

Now we're in the nerve center

of Clamp Cable Network.

- Mr. Katsuji, please get back in line.

- Please.

If we're very quiet, we can watch a

program being videotaped.

Right this way.

This week we have our special

Salute to Luncheon Meats.

Many of you have written, asking

how to zing up party appetizers.

I'm very excited about this recipe.

It's so piquant with sherry.

Some people use a dash.

I use a lot.

So let's just plunge into our

hors d'oeuvres, shall we?

You know, these bologna

and bean dip roll-ups...

...are so easy

when friends drop over.

Okay, wait. What if one of them eats

something at 11:
00...

...but something sticks in his teeth?

- A caraway or a sesame seed.

And after 12, it comes out.

He didn't eat it after midnight.

- I didn't make the rules.

- Rules?

What if they're in an airplane

and they cross a time zone?

It's always midnight somewhere.

- Peltzer, is this...?

- Yes, sir.

- Take this, in case it comes back.

- Right.

Before microwaves,

this used to take forever.

But now, we can make the same...

...tuna-noodle-cheese-product

chowder surprise...

...in just a few minutes.

Now, let's just move down...

What's that?

What is that?

Must be a brownout.

We'll do an edit. Pick it up there.

Oh, well. The show must go on.

So let's ladle up

some of our chowder-noodle...

Run for your lives! Monster!

Microwave!

You see what these monsters are doing?

They're throwing metal utensils into

the microwave!

Stay here and die!

Wait. Wait! What is it? Wait!

- Mr. Katsuji!

- I need a Polaroid.

It's not part of the program!

Something weird

is going on in Studio D.

Punch it up on the stack.

I show brownouts

in five more locations.

Climate control malfunction,

floors 15 and 16.

What the hell?

The pest infestation monitor

is reading critical.

What is that?

That could be rats, right?

No, sir. I'm afraid it's not.

Whatever they are, they've gotta

respect the chain of command.

Gizmo, Gizmo, Gizmo, Gizmo!

Light bright! Light bright!

- Please state your desired floor.

- Thirty-eight.

Thirty-eight.

Thirty-eight! Thirty-eight...

Going up!

Elevator, stop.

Sound alarm.

Betty, did you finish

shredding my mail?

- I'm just finishing, Mr. Clamp.

- Good.

Let's...

Let's do some memos.

First, one to Frager,

in public relations.

Have the people in Chinatown

give a street festival.

A spontaneous flood of appreciation

for all I've done for the community.

We could have those dragons. Those

big dragons with the guys inside.

- And maybe we could have a parade.

- Yum-yum!

Call that big department store.

They got lots of floats.

They keep them in a warehouse

in New Jersey.

I think I own that.

A, B, C, D, J, K...

Coffee?

Let go of my tie!

- Bill!

- Mr. Clamp, sir, are you okay?

Yeah, I think so. I hate

using these machines myself.

- Sir, we have a problem...

- We have a situation... Oh, my God.

We have to evacuate the building

and close it down.

- That's ridiculous.

- Before sundown.

- What happens at sundown?

- They hate sunlight. It kills them.

When it gets dark,

they'll try to leave the building...

Calm down. He should be in custody.

He's dangerous.

This thing, that's dangerous.

This guy's from the art department.

Ask him how he knows

about these things.

How do you know about them?

- This animal was in the genetics lab...

- I said it could be a problem tenant.

We could have had three shrinks

and a plastic surgeon. Here.

Make a wish!

Ah, hair!

Going down!

Second floor, lingerie.

The elevator doors have opened.

Please leave, and watch your step.

We'll...

We'll get the next one.

- You don't think it had rabies?

- No.

- We must stop them from getting wet.

- No, we have to put a lid on it.

No cops, no media.

We'll handle this ourselves.

- You go down to systems control.

- But there might be physical danger.

You're supposed to handle bugs.

Well, I'd call these some goddamn

major bugs, wouldn't you? Huh?

Okay. But I don't think

I should try it without an expert.

Let's go, Peltzer.

Three, two, one. Cue Leonard.

Hi. I'm Leonard Maltin,

and this is The Movie Police.

First, our video watch.

Just rereleased on video is Gremlins,

though I can't imagine why.

I know some people found it fun, but

I'd rather have root canal work done.

What's fun about a movie full of ugly,

mean-spirited monsters...

...who attack innocent people?

Are we so desperate for entertainment

that this trash passes for fun?

Wait a minute!

Look at this. I've been working on

making tomatoes tougher for shipping.

- That's terrific!

- Topnotch! How do they taste?

That's the best part. We've already

had calls from two airline chefs.

Oh, my gosh!

- Did somebody leave something out?

- Not I.

It's eating my vegetable medley.

- What's that noise?

- I think they're laughing.

- Reptiles don't laugh!

- They're not reptiles.

- Then what are they?

- A virus?

What on earth is going on?

I leave you alone, what do I find

when I get back? Chaos!

Is that the brain hormone

that creature's drinking?

Good boy. Nice boy.

There's a good creature.

Now, let's talk this over.

I can get you diseases.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Perhaps not.

I wanna talk...

...about what's going on in here.

There are some fascinating

ramifications for the future.

When you introduce genetic

material to our life form...

...which is possessed of a sort of...

...I hesitate to say "atavism"...

...but let us say

an aggressive nature.

That fellow over there is a common bat

of the order of Chiroptera.

The only mammals, I might add,

capable of true flight.

Ah, genetic sunblock!

Yes.

Might I have a word with you?

My friend, you have potential.

I wanna help you be all

that you can be. May I?

As you're aware, sunlight poses

a problem for our ethnic group.

We don't tan or burn.

We become a rather unappetizing

photochemical leftover.

Thus this formula, designed for those

of the nocturnal persuasion...

...to make light no problem at all.

That'll be useful

where you'll be going.

Where he'll be going?

All they have to do is eat children,

there'd be appalling publicity.

There it is. The Apple.

The city so nice they named it twice.

Check it out one time, won't you?

Catch it! Don't let it go!

- Down!

- Down!

Here in Manhattan...

... there's been a steady stream

of mechanical problems...

... at the Clamp Centre

office building in midtown...

- Buy! Buy!

- Sell! Sell!

I'd say it's a full-scale panic.

Are you having a run on the banks yet?

It's brutal here.

We're telling clients to invest

in canned food and shotguns.

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