Grilled Page #7

"It's like I saw God." But there's a big

difference from that...

and when you really

see Him.

What did you see?

I told you.

Let's go.

Wow, he is beautiful.

Look.

Leon?!

What the hell

is he doing here?

Brought, like us.

Sh*t. Come on!

Let's go around.

- Bobby, what year is the Caddy?

- I don't know from cars.

- What is it, Irv?

- It's a '89.

- '89? Hope it's a big boy.

- Yeah.

- '89...

- Broads love those cars.

- Oh, it's a nice car.

- Oh!

Excuse me. You know,

I don't work for free, Boris.

I mean, this isn't my hobby,

you know what I mean?

If you want people walking around

saying, "Boris this, Boris that,"

that's fine. Otherwise, you know,

you gotta make an offer.

- For money.

- Hey hey hey hey hey.

Look, we'll take both

these cocksuckers out for...

10 each.

Would you just relax,

let me work out the details?

- All right.

- We're gonna do two for one.

Yeah yeah. I'll decide

what they're worth.

All right, all right,

all right.

- What did you do?

- I didn't do anything!

- You're supposed to be the taper.

- Hey, this got messy.

- L... you saw me tape them up.

- I told you guys...

Hey! ...no messy!

Now find these a**holes.

Then you come back

for Goldbluth.

I'm at the bar.

How come every time

something's f***ing up,

it's my fault?!

All right, we gotta talk fast.

You gotta close hard.

I'm fast. I'm hard.

Hey, how you doing?

Leon!

Hey.

You guys.

Hey, look. Who is that?

Do you remember?

That's your lovely

lady-friend Karen.

Used to be.

Now she is my lovely

fiance Karen.

- Hey, good for you.

- Congratulations.

No, next dance,

honey, next one.

So are you a friend

of the Goldbluths?

Uh, I'm Jerry's

piano teacher. You?

Uh, we have a dearfriend in common

who wants us, actually,

to expose Mr. Goldbluth

to our high end.

Yeah, Goldbluth, there's a man

you should talk to about fine foods.

Come on,

I'll introduce you.

These guys, for a living

they're meat salesman?

Yeah.

They knock on people's

door and say,

"Do you wanna buy

a f***ing cheeseburger?"

That's a living?

That's a life?

- Mr. Goldbluth.

- Yes, sir?

I-I want you to meet

some people here... gentlemen.

- Uh, this is Dave and...

- Maury.

- Morty. Dave and Morty.

- Hi.

- This is Mr. Goldbluth.

- Hi, how are you?

- Beautiful party here.

- Very good.

Tony said you have a great

appreciation for good taste.

- He said we should connect.

- Yeah, where is Tony?

Yeah, I'm sure he'll be here.

He speaks very highly of you, sir.

He said you taught him

everything he knows about barbecue.

Yeah, well... what the hell does

he know? See you.

No, really, he says

you're a real magician, you know.

We supply gourmet clients with

the finest beef in the world.

We just... we think

you should have the best.

- Is that right?

- Yeah.

- Mr. Goldbluth, sir?

- Yeah.

Oh! I already got the best.

See, I get it from Omaha.

So you guys have

a good time anyway, okay?

Hey, champ!

Ladies and gentlemen.

Gentlemen.

You guys are almost

the same age.

Cindy, meet my son Jerry.

Hi, Jerry.

Nice to meet you.

What the hell's

going on here?

Can you excuse us real quick?

Dad, come here.

Do you think I'm ready?

Are you kidding?

You're gonna love it.

- Jesus.

- Listen, when I was your age,

I would have given my right arm

for this... a setup like this.

My first time I was 10.

I mean you're like old already.

- Go on, she won't bite.

- All right, look,

you stick with him,

I'm gonna check the front.

They're gonna kill him

when they get back.

- We gotta sell him now. Bring him in.

- Uh... ah.

Harold, what is go...

what is going on?

- Where's Jerry?

- In the car.

- In the ca...

- Faye, Faye, Faye, Faye, come on.

What's the matter with you?

The girl does parties.

You know... graduations,

birthday parties.

Harry!

Wish I had a camera.

This could be like

a "happiness" poster.

You know, the ones they sell

in the fine gift shops.

Thanks.

You hear that? It's obvious.

I'm getting rid

of that girl.

Let him just have a hand job.

Just... one time.

- One time.

- There, see?

Have another drink.

Who is that?

You really keep her off balance, keeps

the flame alive, huh, Mr. Goldbluth?

Cookie, call me Cookie.

Let me ask you something.

When you do your grilling,

you like your steak cut

an inch or an inch and a half thick?

What, are you putting me on?

Two inches.

These guys are gone,

they're long gone.

You know what?

I'm done.

I wanna go get Goldbluth

and I wanna call it a night.

You know, I'm talking

about the best...

40-day-dry-aged prime Kobe-Angus

hybrids, superior animals.

- The best?

- On Earth.

On Mars, I don't know,

I've never eaten there.

Hey, Maury!

But anything, say within two, three

million miles of Sherman Oaks.

- This is five-star stuff.

- Huh.

- Get the book.

- What's the book?

The one monthly amount includes

everything... the filets, the T-bone,

the New York cuts, the London broil

and the magnificent rib eye.

All at a fraction of the price

you're spending now

flying in who knows what

from Omaha.

- Excuse me?

- Let me show you something.

I don't wanna get

into he-said-she-said,

but this steer had problems

late in life.

In all probability.

Are you saying this is bad meat?

This is prime beef.

This is choice

labeled as prime.

We see this all the time.

No attention to quality.

Mr. Goldbluth,

we can take you to the top

of the beef world.

The highest altitude

in gourmet dining.

Meat so soft, people don't even bother

to use their teeth.

The meat just seems to melt as it makes

contact with your mouth.

Yeah.

You hear that?

You don't even have

to chew it.

I like it.

It was packed

full of meat like that.

It looked

like a giant gift basket.

Make a... a nice gift

for the uncles.

- That's a lovely gesture.

- Yeah...

You know what?

I'm strangely attracted

to the misty yellow color.

You know, there's nothing

strange about that.

- Open the door!

- Ow!

- Another door.

- Again, you motherf***er.

F*** you, I ain't

doing that again.

Let's go around this way.

Seven freezers,

seven uncles.

You know what?

I'm just gonna need to get

a little credit information,

nothing to worry about.

- Boris.

- Oh, nothing uh?

- Well, how screwed are we now?

- Just a little bit,

but we've got everything under control.

We chased them inside.

Yeah, they're hiding

in the kitchen.

Well, that's good. Now just find

Goldbluth and get him in there too,

because this is gonna be

a goodbye package.

Not a problem. We'll just bang him

with the other two.

Two red, two blue and...

right now.

Yeah, you know what? I'm just gonna need

you to sign right here,

here, here and here.

That's a lotta places.

Take it.

This is the best, right?

See, it's a matter

of personal preference.

- Davey!

- There's only one best.

That's what always pissed me off about

that expression, "the best."

I mean what is best?

Is it best for me

or is it what's best for you?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes