Grow House Page #2

Not to smoke the weed!

What you talking 'bout then?

Talkin' 'bout growing our own weed

and selling it to these damn dispensaries

that's been taking our customers!

I was thinking the same thing.

But you know what else I

was thinking to bust it down?

We do it in my mama's backyard.

I ain't talkin' about no

little-ass backyard boogie.

What you talking 'bout?

I'm talking 'bout a grow house!

- Yeah, that's smart.

- All we gotta do is

get our medical marijuana card.

That way we can grow it. Legally.

Sort of.

Don't you have to like be real

sick or dying or something like...

- That's what I thought! But no.

- Like polio?

- You don't.

- What?

I know a lot of people go

to this place right here.

- Where?

- Bam!

All kind of people in there not sick.

Bunch of healthy

mothafuckas running around.

Let me see this.

- Dr. Doobie?

- Mhmm.

Dr. Feelgood? Man ain't

nobody gonna believe that sh*t.

- What you talking 'bout?

- I'm not that stupid, bro.

- That ain't his real name.

- What his name then?

That's like his stage name kinda.

To get his customers.

You mean patients.

I don't know if I want

all my info on file, bro,

'cause I'm skeptical on that "legal" sh*t.

What? Man, it ain't nothing like that.

Alright? They know we just want the hookup.

You need to stop smoking that

whack-ass weed. Got you paranoid.

We gonna get our medication, brother.

Yeah you right. What illness

you gonna go with though?

You know what? I been thinking about it.

I'm gonna keep it simple, man.

I'm gonna say I got

migraines and depression.

You call that simple?

Those near death symptoms.

Hmm.

What illness you gonna go with?

Loss of appetite. Period.

You gonna say you got your period?

Man that is mean.

I'm messing with you, man.

I know what you meant.

It's a joke, damn.

Loss of appetite, that's good, man.

'Cause can't nobody

tell you when you hungry.

You can't. Like, ask me "Am I hungry."

You hungry?

Yeah, I'm hungry.

Alright, let me ask you again.

You hungry?

Nah, I ain't hungry.

That's good as hell. Man, I

should have thought of that.

I told you. You can't think of...

- Hi guys!

- What they do?

I'm gonna need to see your photo IDs.

And have you sign in.

Come on... I told you we need an ID man.

Don't worry about it. I got that.

Thank you.

Look.

Rollin' Reg got his card

from Dr. Doobie, too.

- When he was on his feet.

- Damn.

Way before he was rolling.

- You goin' to hell.

- Alright.

The doctor will be with you momentarily.

You goin' first. You the

one got me acting like this.

- No I don't, man.

- I ain't never said nothing

about no handicapped people to you.

RECEPTIONIST:
Okay. You are all set.

Feel free to give us a call if you

have any questions about your card

or your medicine, okay?

Alright, so your total

for the visit is $125.

$25 for the card and the paperwork,

and $20 for the medicine.

Can you add all that up for me, honey?

$170.

$170?

I ain't spend no $170

dollars on no damn card, bro.

That's a whole quarter ounce right there.

PAT:
Would you keep calm?

The card said everything for $50.

That's still a eighth.

Look, do you wanna grow our own sh*t,

or do you wanna just keep complaining,

and getting ripped off?

I gotta think about that

sh*t, man. I don't know.

Okay, gentlemen.

- You go first.

- What?

Are you two together?

- Yes.

- No.

PAT:
Yes.

Yeah, we together.

The doctor will see you both.

- Cool.

- That's her...

- RECEPTIONIST:
Around the corner.

- DARIUS:
Where do we go?

Doctor.

DARIUS:
I appreciate that.

PAT:
It smell good. It smell like free sex.

Hi, guys. How you doin?

DARIUS:
Chill, man.

Yeah, help yourself.

Thank you.

So...

Are you together?

Yeah, we here together.

Hmm.

Just looking real careful.

I like to know, who's the fem?

The fem? What the...

It's you, right?

Hell no.

He had an incident when

he was little though.

Let's just move on.

Can I... can I hit that?

Yeah. Mm!

Oh yeah?

Let me try.

No.

No, I can't give you a hit of this. Sorry.

Not until you're officially diagnosed

and prescribed your medication.

A'ight.

What can I do for you?

- Well...

- I been having a lack of appetite.

Really affecting me.

You stole my illness, nigga!

I was supposed to use loss of appetite!

And you eatin' all that.

You can't have a loss of

appetite eatin' all that!

Stupid.

You can both have the appetite thing, okay?

Let me write that down.

"Lack of appetite."

You know what? You look like Mr. Ed.

These are actually for me.

- Oh, sorry.

- They're not for patients

coming in here and helping themselves.

Doc, they were so close...

Okay, that's alright.

Is there anything else?

Well, like I got shot...

- My dick be hard...

- ...like in my left leg...

- ...longer than four hours...

- ...and it came out my right leg...

- ...it's actually too big for my body...

- ...out of nowhere...

- ...and I wanna have sex...

- ...off the right...

...and I sh*t on myself sometimes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Alright.

That's disgusting.

You don't need any more reasons.

I'm just f***ing with you. Come on.

You seem like great guys.

Okay, there you go, boys.

And, there's a special deal this week.

Ojai's best.

Thank you, man!

Thank you.

- There you go.

- What?

- For me?

- Yeah, go on.

That's a real nigga, man.

That's what my girlfriends call me.

Look at that. Medical

marijuana ID card, bro!

We get to grow our own weed, man!

What the hell is you doin?

Burning one.

What's wrong with you, man?

You can't just flaunt it

out in public like that!

Why not?

'Cause you can't!

F.O.H.

Foh?

F*** outta here!

Nigga, we legally can do illegal sh*t.

Damn, you right. Let me hit that sh*t.

Alright, yeah.

Alright then, you mothafucka.

Oh sh*t!

What?

PAT:
Hold this sh*t.

- What's up?

- Dude, police!

- What's up, you good?

- What the hell...

- Fire it up...

- Quit playin!

What?

POLICE DISPATCHER: Unit 24...

Round and round

The reefer blows

DARIUS:
You right

man. This sh*t stink.

Just straight garbage.

Told your ass.

I tell you one thing though.

We start our own grow house,

we ain't naming our weed nothing

stupid like OG Bobby Johnson,

Obama Got That Fire.

None of that. We just gonna

have some bomb ass weed, bro.

You know, I can see why

people name they strain though.

It's like...

it's your brand.

You know, this mine. This

my stuff. Y'know what I mean?

So we should name it?

Why wouldn't we?

Bad B*tch!

Bad B*tch?

"Bad B*tch" we should

name it. Hear me out now.

- We should!

- No!

Brotha, you gotta get the word out.

It's just like the rap game

and you know I know that well.

You don't know sh*t 'bout rap game.

Man don't do that. Don't act like that.

You weren't in the rap game, man!

My Grown Gangsta mix-tape wasn't poppin?

Went platinum!

Get your ass out...

Okay, I'm lying.

But I did have a lot of people

trying to sign me up, like...

Who was trying to sign me up? Tupac...

Jay-Z came at me a couple times.

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