Grow House Page #5

Synopsis: There's a boom in medical marijuana dispensaries in the state of California and the U.S. These facilities have reached record numbers, cropping up like Starbucks or McDonald's. States across the nation are legalizing medical and recreational marijuana. Our two unlikely heroes, Pat (DeRay Davis - "EMPIRE," "21 Jump Street," "GI Joe") and Darius (Lil' Duval - "Scary Movie 5," "Meet the Blacks"), figure they can help the medical marijuana movement, but mainly help themselves by trying to grow their own cannabis and selling their crop to the dispensaries. There's only one problem - knowing how to smoke marijuana doesn't mean you know how to grow it. After taking a trip to Dr. Doobie (Malcolm McDowell - "Entourage", "The Mentalist," "Home Alone") to become legally certified growers, they gain access to a Bel-Air mansion to use as a "grow house." Although they convince Snoop Dogg (played as himself) to fund their operation, our heroes soon discover what can grow wrong, will go wrong in this
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): DJ Pooh
Production: Rocky Mountain Pictures
 
IMDB:
4.4
R
Year:
2017
96 min
Website
92 Views


Ice drippin, cream flippin

Ice drippin, cream flippin

Ice drippin, cream...

Don't play with me no

more you know how I get!

DARIUS:
Had to straighten him.

Yeah he straightened me all the way out.

'Cause what he said earlier...

He said he ain't realized what he said.

I think I'mma take half.

I ain't with that third sh*t.

You heard that through the soundproof door?

Yeah, nigga, I hear

everything. And don't forget it.

It's Snoop.

Ten racks.

Damn!

There's one condition with that money, man.

I need the Grown Gangsta

to get up in that booth

and give me a high 16 real quick.

That's a done deal! Hold this, bro.

I knew he was gonna ask.

- I don't know which one...

- I knew he was gonna ask.

- I guess that's a great thing, right?

- Can we go in here?

I'm just f***in' with you.

He just f***in' with you.

Matter of fact I couldn't

really do it no way

'cause I got another session

with Barbra Streisand and stuff.

Was it with Barbra or Mariah?

We don't know, I got so many sessions.

But on the real though, you get

that Grown Gangsta volume two,

nigga I'm all over it.

Money, homie, you ready?

You sure you don't want me to...

From the top my nigga.

Whenever I'm down and

out I get back to my self

I roll a motherfuckin'

fat bat to myself

Leave it to Beaver

America gonna legalize,

but I don't believe her

Till she finally did it

Crazy.

(phone beeps, buzzes)

Damn, baby. What is

taking you so long?

You would never guess.

Oh my god, baby.

Wait till you see this damn place.

Is that a good or bad "oh my god"?

I mean...

...they damn near took

the whole kitchen sink.

They done took the cabinets.

Babe, they pretty much took everything.

It's... it's ridiculous.

Will you just come on, please?

Alright, well we pulling

up to you now, baby.

- Hurry up.

- Yo.

PAT:
Oh sh*t!

The girl did it big, man. Look at this!

This is amazing, man!

You know how much we could grow here?

This is gonna be our big start.

Wait a minute, hold up. I got this.

Step one...

Hold up let's go in here

first. My girl waitin' on...

- Step one...

- Mhmm.

...location.

- Step two...

- Mhmm.

- ...live where you grow.

- Mhmm.

- Done.

- And I got the wherewithal.

You know what, man? I think...

I should control the money.

Let me think about

that... F***-uh-no!

What?

- Man get out of here.

- Are you kidding me?

Let me explain to you. This whole

grow house was my idea anyway.

You gonna tell the whole

neighborhood about it?

Shut the f*** up. Plus Terri

don't know so calm down.

What? Terri don't know?

How are we supposed to grow all

that damn weed if Terri don't know?

- Shut up!

- Should beat your ass in front of your girlfriend.

- Do it! Do it! Do it!

- Look I don't wanna get...

- Hi, baby!

- What's up, baby.

You know who this is.

This Pat. You remember him?

Pat.

I did. I did remember Pat.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Now wait, I didn't know

you did this kind of work.

Oh yeah. Most of the planning

and the lighting and the water.

Construction.

Oh the construction. Okay, okay, perfect.

Listen, here are the keys.

These are all the alarm codes. Now listen.

So when you guys get the estimate

costs and the supply costs...

Yes!

Right back on it

So this is gonna make

my avocado super juicy?

MAN:
Oh yeah. That's... that's

definitely a good one right there.

Hey, look here, pimp. Make sure it's juicy.

- My mama will come here shut this whole place down.

- Babe!

MAN:
Oh it's gonna be

juicy, don't worry about it.

Hey you know my mama crazy.

She'll shut him down too.

- We need a lot of juice.

- Don't embarrass me with my bae.

Hey what's up, homie?

Well howdy doody homies to you!

How can I help ya?

Well uh... lookin' for a few things.

Matter of fact, we need some lights.

- These lights any good?

- Oh!

These are just flying off the shelves.

I can't keep them in stock.

Ran out of these a month ago,

took me a month to get new ones in.

I mean, they freakin' rock.

Need some of those then.

Okay, how many you need?

How many would it take per room?

Per room?

Like uh... growing an indoor garden.

Yeah.

Well, you know if it's a small room

you might want to consider one of

our turnkey operations over here.

Come on over this way.

This bad boy is the BC Northern Lights.

Okay, it's everything a

gardener needs all in one unit.

If it's a bigger room, well

you might need three or four.

Kay. Uh...

Two, four...

We need twenty.

Well, twenty!

E-I-E-I-O!

Old Macdonald!

That is not a garden. That is a plantation.

- What?

- Plantation?

Nah, man. We talkin' 'bout

like, Whole Foods, like uh...

Mother Earth is dying. Like we

need to save this planet, man.

We tryin' to grow like swiss

chard, quinoa, and kale.

That way we... yeah.

Okay, okay. I get it.

Exactly what are you guys thinking

of using for the feeding system?

What kind gives you, like, big ass kale?

What kind do you suggest?

Follow me.

Just the thing. We like to hear that.

I would go with something like this.

In fact you can integrate a timer system

to work with the lighting

setup that I showed you

with the feeding setup.

Yeah, that sound about like

what we're trying to do.

Damn right. Everything all on a timer,

and all we gotta do is sit

back and watch our... kale?

Alright, so...

Wrap up everything you showed us

and we can get the hell out of here.

You're forgetting about the soil.

Can't we just use dirt as soil?

Well yes! Absolutely... not.

That would be like putting

spinners on a brand new Bentley.

You could, but I wouldn't.

I would. What's wrong

with that? That's nice.

- You would put spinners on a Bentley?

- Yes I would.

SALESMAN:
Now I would go

with the rockwool here.

This is perfect for indoor growing.

Will really keep the insects out.

Yeah that's nice. Okay, so...

I guess that's all "ne weed."

We can go on get outta here.

Man, you just said weed, man!

Didn't say weed.

Didn't he just say "ne weed"?

I heard "ne weed".

You is a nosy mothafucka, man.

But you sound like you

know what you talkin' 'bout.

Who are you?

I'm the guy that's gonna get

you guys all the stuff you need

delivered to your house,

set it up, for the best price in LA.

No sh*t.

That's who the f*** I am.

Alright now we would have

been over this by now, guys,

if you were for real with me.

Alright? I'm not the f***ing police.

Alright and I'm sure

as hell ain't your mama.

Now all we gotta talk about is...

my cut.

Damn... alright.

We'll be right back.

I think we should rob his ass.

Okay, look. He's pretty for real, man.

What we gonna give him?

I'm ready to rob. F*** it. He white anyway.

Let's get this done, man.

What you think?

Let's just pay him in weed.

Alright, let's pay him in weed.

Alright.

How does seven pounds of

our best organic kale sound?

That sounds delicious.

Got yourself a deal.

Deal!

You good? My man!

We good, we good.

- Cool. Cool.

- Alright, listen.

You guys head home.

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DJ Pooh

Mark Jordan (born June 29, 1966 in Los Angeles, California), better known by his stage name DJ Pooh is an American record producer, voice actor, rapper, screenwriter, actor and film director. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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