Grow House Page #6

I'm gonna be hooking you up

with a guy named Conspiracy Chris.

He's gonna get you

everything you need. Okay?

Now let's go. Let's get outta

here. I got security cameras.

Oh snap!

- Pow!

- (grunts)

Hot damn

Hot damn

You been dreamin'

of this kitty

Oh, yeah, baby

It's all good

PAT:
I am loving step two!

Live where you grow.

Make a nigga wanna

score a touchdown

Hot damn

That dog is fine.

Hot damn

Oh sh*t. Look what I found.

One of your socks?

A rabbit foot! Good luck on top of a bible.

- That gotta be double good.

- (caution sound)

I think that's double voodoo.

Whatever. I'll keep it to myself

then since you such a hater.

I don't want none of your damn rabbit foot.

Matter of fact, look.

There he go pullin' up now.

See, my luck already workin'.

- Yeah.

- You Chris?

One of you guys Patrick Hill?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, that's right.

Two Patrick Hills?

I only got one of you guys on here.

I'm Patrick Hill, man.

I would have called your ass

but Matt says you don't keep no cell phone.

No.

Feds are just lettin' people

track themselves for them.

Then they hack into your

phone, they take photos.

Sick motherfuckers.

My girl used to go through my phone.

She was working for the feds.

I think she do 'cause she

went through my phone too.

Hold on to this. I'mma...

- Don't mind if I do.

- ...start unloading.

This is amazing.

Go get to know our neighbors.

Go!

Garage.

Whoa, sh*t!

Oh hello, neighbor. I'm sorry. Hello.

Neighbor?

Are you shittin' me?

You been drinkin' good, huh?

(glass shatters)

Alright. Well, uh...

we just moved over here so...

You mean, my Henry sold this

house to you. (gasps) Oh!

No, no, no. Calm down.

Calm down. Calm down.

We're just leasing. We're just leasing.

Oh. Oh thank you, Jesus.

You don't like black people?

I do not like black people.

What the...

I love black people!

Okay. Okay.

(woman squealing excitedly)

DARIUS:
Oh, okay. I get it. I get it.

You wanted Henry, but he left.

Okay. I could see why you would do that.

(tutting)

You young people, you think

that you know everything.

But I been hit that.

You been hit?

You people, you sure

do need a lot of light.

You people?

Oh no, the light is just

better to see you, my dear.

Oh, that is so cute.

Yeah.

You're just like a big bad wolf.

Yeah. Yeah.

- (roar)

- (roars loudly)

So um...

Uh-huh.

You're not married?

Nah.

Oh, oh good.

Nobody want to put a ring on it.

- No.

- Oh good. Okay.

Just stay right...

- Where am I staying?

- (exclaims)

What was that for?

- Don't worry about it.

- Focus!

I have to go take care of

some grown up woman biz...

I will be seeing you around,

you young BBC wolf, you.

BBC wolf? What's that?

Big... bad... chocolate... wolf.

Hey, I'm up here. I'm up here. I'm up here!

- Stay.

- What?

Hey, hey, hey!

Come back here.

DARIUS:
Hey don't send

that to no blog site now.

What the hell she want?

This dick!

Man, stop playin, man.

Nah, for real! She was talking

about the man that lived here before

and tellin' me how big my

dick is and how she loved me

and how she wanna air me

out, this that and whatever.

Get out of here, man. I don't

have time for your damn games.

The b*tch molested me and everything

with a camera phone and all that sh*t.

Talking 'bout some BBC wolf.

She tried to take advantage of me, bro!

Now I see how sexy, attractive,

Miss America people feel.

- What's a BBC wolf?

- Sh*t, I don't know.

Look, you're gonna have

to stay on her, man.

Keep a close watch. I'mma watch

that chick that was joggin' earlier.

Why I gotta go with the

Benjamin Button looking lady?

Handle that.

DARIUS:
I'm glad we did

these windows over man.

This is much better.

Man I had no idea all this went

into growing some damn weed.

- Hey guess what?

- What's that?

I'mma call this The Mother Room.

That's dope.

Good thing we had Sleepy-Head

over here to help us set it up.

I see you, Dick. No, Dick.

That's right. I see you, Dick.

Whoa, man. What is going on with him?

Nah, maybe you shouldn't wake him up.

Put it in your mouth.

That's right. Choke on it, motherf***er.

- (snapping)

- Put it in your mouth.

Nope, put it in your mouth.

Hey! Yo yo!

What's wrong with you?

What happened?

You was having some freaky-ass dream.

Talkin' 'bout d*cks and there

ain't nothing but men in the room.

That was Dick Cheney. I was

waterboarding Dick Cheney.

I got him to confess.

Confess to what?

That he killed Biggie and Pac.

You with... I told you it was like that.

You just crazy. That's what that is.

I was just proving the point that you

can get anyone to confess to anything.

Do you understand? Torture's a b*tch.

Man, just get your ass up

so we can finish this room.

Oh my God, that was a crazy dream.

My ass hurts. What does that mean?

That means you need to get up and

finish The Mother Room, Conspiracy Chris.

PAT:
Kick him in his ass again.

You kicked me in my ass?

CHRIS:
We're good to go.

- Okay. Alright.

- Alright.

CHRIS:
Oh no, no. Hold

on. We're not finished yet.

Somebody still has to go up and

connect the cables and then we're done.

What?

Why the hell you just didn't

connect it while you was up there?

DARIUS:
I don't get why

we have to steal power.

It ain't like we gotta pay

for the bill to begin with.

So the power company doesn't

see a huge spike in usage.

And they tell the owners.

And the owners tell police.

Yeah, that ain't good.

I can't have my girlfriend getting fired.

Fired? That happen we going to jail, bro.

Why didn't you just connect

them while you was up there?

Oh, no, no, no. It's

your grow, it's your show.

I don't execute the

connection. I just wire it up.

PAT:
Is it dangerous?

CHRIS:
It's not dangerous.

I mean the power's off

so you're totally good. It's just policy.

And also stealing power is totally illegal.

So what do we have to do?

Somebody's gonna climb up this ladder...

Mhmm.

...and then you're gonna

connect the red clamp

to the cable with the black tape

and then you're gonna

connect the black clamp

to the cable with the white tape.

Got it, got it.

CHRIS:
And then we'll

turn the power back on

and we're ready to get growin'.

Let's do this thing. Darius,

give me that flashlight, bro.

Alright, I'mma hold it steady

while you climb up there.

I thought you said you was

in charge of electricity.

I am but I'm scared of heights, man.

Come on. Knock it out.

Get up there. Look at ya.

Like a little monkey.

What'd you say?

Put the red clamp on the black cable,

and the black clamp on the white cable.

Alright.

- (sizzling)

- (screams)

Oh! Oh!

Move back!

CHRIS:
You okay?

PAT (echoing):
Sh*t!

D?

D?

Man, D. Don't do this to me, homie.

More like we did this to him.

You know CPR?

I know THC.

(knocking)

Hope that's not the police.

Do something... like pump his chest

or something. Get that mothafucka up.

(knocking continues)

Hi, um...

I heard a loud noise

and then I saw a big light

flash coming from this direction

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