Growing the Big One Page #3

Reassigned?

Yeah, to "green

is the new black."

Okay, what is that?

It's the program

that was formerly titled

"the garden gal."

You mean that really

boring gardening show

that no one listens to?

But we're going to bring it

into the 21st century.

Our market research

indicates

is very popular

with the younger demo.

I-i don't know anything

about gardening.

Well, you didn't know

anything about Seattle

when you got here,

but you figured that out

for the "pulse."

This is ridiculous.

I won't do it.

I have an iron-clad

three-year contract.

Your contract

is with the station,

not the program.

We're

reassigning you.

Oh, that sounds like

a terrific plan.

Let's just force your

on-air talent to do a show.

I mean, I might as well

broadcast from my tractor.

You own a tractor?

Uh, technically, yeah,

on my farm.

You have a farm?

Temporarily, yes.

That's perfect!

That's the angle

I've been looking for.

We'll broadcast from your farm!

Oh, it's not in the middle

of nowhere, is it?

Um, it's where farms tend to be,

out in the country.

Where exactly?

About three hours from here--

that's beyond perfect!

So that the fans can watch it

on their computer!

18-to-24 year olds

will love it!

You'll be like Rachael ray,

except on the radio,

and not as peppy.

Okay, let's just hold on

for a second here, all right?

You literally

just thought of this idea

two seconds ago.

I mean, it's not

a done deal,

right?

Of course not.

I'm not insane.

Thank god.

For a second there

i thought that--

we'll do a test

run of six months.

Broadcast twice in a week,

and syndication

all across the country.

Okay, you have to be joking.

I've never been more serious

about anything in my life.

Go, go back

to your little farm.

Get busy.

We'll do a trial run

on Wednesday,

and broadcast on Saturday.

Ta ta!

You're putting

a webcam in the house?

Nobody said anything

about inside the house.

Take it up

with management.

[Sighs heavily]

Okay, where are

the others?

Well, there's one

right there,

one up there,

and another one

over there,

and we've got

three outside.

Now, they're all

placed and activated

to pick up anything you do

within a hundred yards.

So anybody with a computer

can just tune in and watch?

Kind of creepy, huh?

Extremely.

All right, well,

here's a rig

in case you need to do

a remote broadcast,

and, uh, good luck

with your show tomorrow.

This just gets

better and better.

[Sighs heavily]

[Marching band plays]

[]

Get your Bobby's blended!

It's a magical blend

of ingredients for you, sir!

Well, hello.

Uh, hey... Bobby.

So, what's going on?

This is

the pumpkin parade.

[With mock drama]:

Be well, Emma!

Hey...

So you, uh,

change your mind

about the, uh,

pumpkin seeds yet?

What is it with you

and the seeds?

The mighty muffler

chain is opening,

so I need to open

my own shop to compete.

To open my own shop

here on main street.

That's your

business plan?

A pumpkin?

Uh, Seth, Seth...

Seth, sorry,

my lawn mower's starter--

hey, whoa, whoa,

hold on a sec.

Emma, I will give you $200

for one pumpkin seed.

Huh?

think about it.

Think about it,

200 bucks.

Emma!

Ooh!

Get your skinny

butt over here...

I just got back

from Seattle.

Any of you think you can grow

a big pumpkin this year?

[Loud cheering]

Now, I mean a big,

orange, monstrous gourd!

[Cheering]

A pumpkin so big

that when people see it,

they will hide their children

and scream for their mommas!

I've been hearing

that same speech

all my life,

and it still

gives me the chills.

And how many of you

really speak pumpkin?

[Cheering]

Who is this guy?

Al, one of

the original

big pumpkin growers,

along with

your granddad.

During the contest,

keeping things kosher.

This is a great day

for your town,

but it's also a day

to remember someone

who was close to our hearts.

Walt silver.

Now, Walt was a hell

of a pumpkin grower.

[Cheering and applause]

But most of all,

he was a good friend

to all of us.

So I would like

to dedicate

this year's contest

to Walt silver!

[Cheering and applause]

And Walt must be

smiling down on us,

because this year's winner

will go home...

With this!

$25,000?

I like the sound of that.

The pumpkin almanac

will double the $25,000

if anyone beats the world record

of 1,878 pounds!

[Cheering and applause]

$50,000?

I'd like to get

my hands on that.

I'll say.

Yeah, dream on,

sweetheart.

Are you ready?

[All cheering]:
Yeah!

Ten...

[All chanting]:

Nine, eight, seven...

Six, five...

Four, three...

Two, one!

[Cheering]

I can do this.

It's in my genes.

What is?

I am going to grow

a giant pumpkin

and collect

that prize money.

This is like reading Chinese,

underwater,

with a blindfold on...

[Sighs heavily]

[Knock on door]

Who is it?

It's your neighbor!

Seth Cullen!

I pre-announced myself

with a knock,

followed by a friendly exchange

of pleasantries.

I'll let

myself in.

Of course you will.

So, uh,

if you are here about the seeds,

the answer is still no.

A-ha.

Well, I found this

by your mailbox.

It's got a Seattle postmark.

Ooh, great.

I've been

waiting for this.

I see you're adjusting

to the country life.

Oh, and I saw

the trucks outside.

What are you doing,

a reality show

or something

like that?

Survivor,

valleyville?

I'm broadcasting

my radio program

from the farm.

Oh, nice.

What are you

going to talk about?

Oh, the earth...

Flowers...

Animals, growing things.

I see,

and do you know anything

about those things?

Yes.

You know,

it's been really lovely

chatting with you like this,

but I've got to get back to,

you know...

Okay.

Okay, 300 apiece.

What?

Like I said before,

they aren't for sale.

Besides, I need them.

For what?

Well, I'm

going to enter

the growing pumpkin

contest myself.

Why in the world

would you

want to do that?

Because I like challenges.

Oh, you like challenges.

All right, let me just make sure

i got this straight.

You are going to plant those

little seeds in the ground,

you're going to nurture

them, protect them,

watch them grow

to unbelievable sizes,

and then you're going to

haul them off

to the contest,

is that it?

Is that your plan?

Yes, and i

intend to win.

And you thought my

business plan was flawed.

Right, well,

it was really nice

speaking with you.

Hey, my pleasure.

To hear what you have to say

on your radio show

about growing things.

Should be very educational.

This is Emma silver

coming to you from

the all new, eco-friendly

"green is the new black" show!

We're going to be broadcasting

for the next six months

from valleyville, Washington,

scenic home

of giant pumpkins.

Right, now, I know that usually

on shows like this,

the host goes on and on,

but I want to hear

from you listeners.

What do you have to say

about gardening,

mother earth,

and anything you like

that's green,

because as we all know...

Green is the new black.

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