Guard the House! Page #2

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- That is how long she has, then.

- She looks fine. Healthy.

- Hmm.

It's not what is on the outside

that counts,

it's what is on the inside...

eating away at you.

I just want her to be comfortable.

That's all.

- What are you reading?

- Oh.

Never got into the Russians.

They take too long

getting to the feckin' point.

Not even Dostoyevsky, no?

Come on, he was the main offender.

Gogol was good.

He went doolally in the end, though.

God love him.

How are you settling in?

Oh, all right, I suppose.

They're all so f***in' boring.

Who?

The inmates.

Including me.

I suppose they've a right

to be gloomy.

There's no need to make such

a f***in' song and dance about it!

'You're gonna die, copper.'

- 'Come on, copper.'

- Little early for a drink.

You're still on duty.

- You've been gone all afternoon.

- 'Flesh wound. Flesh wound.'

Are you going to make

declarative statements

or f***in' tell me something?

The murder over in Lettermore,

the victim's a John Doe.

He's a John Doe, is he?

- Yeah. It means...

- I know what it f***in' means. Go on.

'Good shot! '

The name and address he gave

are false. We sent off his prints.

Anything else?

You're boring the hole off me.

You got a call from Galway.

You're to head in tonight to attend

a briefing from a fella over from the FBI.

Special Agent Wendell Everett.

So what?

Maybe it's about the murder.

Maybe he's got a psychological profile

on the killer or something.

It's drug smuggling.

Or they've had another sighting

of Whitey Bulger

at some f***in' museum.

Yeah, well, drug smuggling...

I mean, that's pretty exciting.

Yeah, it's f***in' exciting.

If you think standing

on the f***in' pier at Rossaveal

in the pouring f***in' rain

for hours on end

waiting on a f***in' ship

that's never gonna f***in' arrive

is f***in' exciting.

Now go get me a pint.

'- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

- Good shot. Oh, oh, oh, oh! '

The vessel

we are looking for is a 60-foot ship

called the "Annabel Lee".

We lost it three weeks ago

when it left the Dominican Republic.

The DEA believe it to have

somewhere in the vicinity

of $500 million worth

of cocaine on board.

- It may well...

- Er, that's half a billion, lads.

Half a billion.

Er, thank you, Inspector Stanton.

Yes, that's half a billion.

Slide.

The men we believe to be involved

in the trafficking

are Francis Sheehy-Skeffington

out of Dublin.

Next.

Liam O'Leary also out of Dublin.

Next.

Clive Cornell out of London.

Next. And James McCormick

out of Limerick.

Now, these men

are highly dangerous and if...

And if you do make a si...

Yes, Sergeant?

I thought only black lads

were drug dealers.

I'm sorry, what?

I thought only black lads

were drug dealers. And Mexicans.

They have a word for them.

There's a word for you too, sir,

but I'm not gonna go into that now.

Anyway, as I was saying, these men

are highly dangerous. And if...

Mules! Drug mules!

That's enough of your guff, Boyle.

Apologise to the man.

Huh? Apologise for what?

- Er, you know for what.

- For your racist slurs for one thing.

I'm Irish, sure.

Racism's part of my culture.

Enough. You're showing us up.

- F***ing knacker.

- F*** off back to Dublin.

- I'll rip your f***in' head off, Boyle!

- Relax.

Sit down!

Now, now, lads, come on,

not in front of the American.

- He's just messing, Agent Everett.

- Deliberately disrupting my lecture.

Ah, I'm only having a bit of fun, like.

Don't mean anything by it.

Half a billion dollars' worth of cocaine

is a subject for levity?

- Street value.

- Excuse me?

Street value. You always announce

a seizure of drugs

worth a street value

of ten million dollars

or 20 million dollars

or half a billion dollars.

I do wonder what street it is

you're buying your cocaine on,

because it's not the same street

as I'm buying my cocaine on.

That's enough. We've had enough

of your wisecracks for one day.

If you continue on in this vein, you can

consider yourself under suspension.

- Oh, I doubt that.

- You doubt that?

You got balls talking

to your superior officer like that.

If we were in Atlanta...

- We're not, though.

- If we were in Atlanta...

- Galway.

...you'd be ticketing jaywalkers.

- Galway!

- That's it. Consider yourself...

You're not hunting four men,

only three.

- How's that?

- McCormick is dead.

- What makes you think that?

- Well, I hope he's dead.

They've put him into

the f***in' morgue anyways.

- Schopenhauer.

- I'd say Nietzsche.

Nietzsche! You haven't f***ing

read any Nietzsche.

- I have, too. Erm, "The Antichrist".

- Quote me something, then.

- "What does not kill me..."

- F***'s sake. Every child knows that.

- Bertrand Russell.

- Bertrand Russell. Are you listening?

F***in' English.

Everything has to be f***in' English.

Name your favourite philosopher,

Io and behold, he's f***in' English.

- He's Welsh.

- Huh?

Bertrand Russell was Welsh.

- Bertrand Russell was Welsh?

- Yeah.

You know, I never knew that.

Didn't think anybody interesting

was Welsh.

- Dylan Thomas.

- Like I said.

Ah. "You will not get the crowd

to cry hosanna

"until you ride into town on an ass."

Nietzsche.

- Yeah, that's a good one.

- Good quote. Nice one.

Oh, f*** it.

The guards.

- We weren't speeding.

- I know.

- One of the back lights out there?

- No, you're fine there.

Well, what did you

f***in' stop us for, then?

Excuse me?

What did you f***ing stop us for, then,

you stupid f***ing c*nt?

Get out, the lot of you.

- Nice friend you got.

- These English, what can you do?

- IDs, please.

- From Dublin, are you?

- IDs, please.

- Your name? I know a lot of guards.

- You know a lot of guards?

- He's a very friendly fella.

- No harm in it. What's the name?

- Get this over with, for f***'s sake.

- What's the name?

- McBride.

McBride.

We know all about you, McBride.

- Do we know about McBride, Liam?

- We do, Francis.

Should we be using our real names,

though?

- What does it matter now, Liam?

- You're right.

- We know all about you, McBride.

- You know nothing about me.

- Stop, McBride. It's no use.

- Stop, McBride!

Turn around, now, there's a good lad.

Nah. I'll take it as it comes,

if it's all the same to you.

- Show you up for the cowards you are.

- Suit yourself!

- He took that very well.

- He was very philosophical about it.

- Are we going now?

- We have to dump the body.

- I don't do manual labour.

- Come on.

No. When I applied for the post

of international drug trafficker,

it said nothing about "must have

experience of heavy lifting".

Into the west.

Been to Ireland before, Wendell?

Can't say that I have, no.

Where are you from, originally?

Originally, Wisconsin.

Oh. Whereabouts in Wisconsin?

Kenosha.

Kenosha, Wisconsin.

So how would you wind up

in Tennessee?

How did you know

I was in Tennessee?

Wasn't that where you were stationed

when you caught Tyrell Lee Dobbs,

the Knoxville Ripper?

You been doing your research on me?

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