Guard the House! Page #5

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Don't make me frisk ya.

You're trippin', nigga! If you frisk me,

I'll have you up on charges!

You want me to batter the hell

out of you?

Cos I will, boy. No questions asked.

What in hell are you doing?

- It's tiny.

- It's a Derringer.

John Wilkes Booth used one

to assassinate Abraham Lincoln.

Wouldn't think it'd do much damage.

They get the job done. But I can't see

what use they'd be to the 'RA.

Maybe they're for killing

little Protestants.

Killing little Protestants.

That's funny.

I f***ing hate bent coppers.

- Did they try something?

- No, they didn't try something.

What's the problem, then?

I'm f***ing tired of the kind

of people we have to deal with.

What d'ye expect?

We're drug traffickers.

Dalai Lama's hardly gonna be

looking for a piece of the action.

It's dispiriting, though, innit?

What's the point?

It's all so f***ing meaningless.

- The money?

- The money, yeah.

How much money do you need

to be happy?

- The whores?

- The whores, yeah.

I'm at that stage where I'm looking

for a more meaningful relationship.

I'm with you there.

Monogamous.

There's one guard

Stanton couldn't vouch for.

Says he's too unpredictable.

Don't tell me. Let me guess. Boyle.

Yeah, that's him.

I like sharks.

They're soothing.

He was no use.

Sure, what have you got to confess,

at your age?

What's my age got to do with it?

Sure, Pol Pot was in his 70s

when he died.

I think Pol Pot's shenanigans

were a little more malicious

than anything you might've got up to.

Shows what you know.

Really? You took part in a sex orgy

or something, did ya?

- One of them bacchanals?

- Get away.

Or bust a cap in the ass of a homey?

So how are things

in the world of law enforcement?

- We've had a lad over from the FBI.

- Oh. The Behavioural Science Unit?

Drugs.

- Ah, sure.

- Yeah.

- What kind of drugs?

- Cocaine.

Cocaine?

I could do with some cocaine.

They say it gives you

great get-up-and-go.

Oh, it perks you up, all right.

Helps you get off with the lasses, too.

They're mad for the stuff.

- Who could blame them?

- True enough.

- What about amyl nitrate?

- What?

- What does amyl nitrate do for you?

- Am I a f***ing drugs aficionado?

What's with the sudden interest?

I don't know.

I... I feel I've missed out.

- You missed out on amyl nitrate?

- Well, generally, I'm saying.

Ah, sure, we all f***ing

missed out generally.

You're not alone there.

What's going on in that tiny little

brain of yours? Come on, tell me.

I was just thinking I haven't...

listened to music in a long time.

Live music, you know?

Like a ceilidh band.

If that's all,

I can sort something out for tonight.

- You will?

- Bound to be something good on.

It's not as if

you're that hard to please.

Yeah, that's what they said to me

at the orgy.

- You've been in the wars, huh?

- Yeah.

- Who did that to ya?

- Just a fella.

Just a fella. Not a very nice fella.

There are no nice fellas.

Oh, I wouldn't be too sure

about that, now.

That's a very pessimistic world-view.

Two more of them, please, Yuyang.

Chocolate.

What brings you back to Galway,

Aoife? Nothing good, I'm betting.

It's about those pictures.

- What pictures?

- The ones from the G.

"Ode to Billy Joe")

What about them?

I'm to tell you to keep your head down,

if you know what's good for you.

And if I don't keep me head down,

what then?

Are we making any headway?

- Sheehy.

- Sergeant Boyle.

So it was a set-up from the start?

- How'd you work that?

- No, it was just a random thing.

Heard there was a guard in Galway

with a penchant for whores.

Decided to take advantage of it.

Totally opportunistic on my part.

This song really freaks me out, man.

What did they throw off

the f***ing Tallahatchie Bridge?

- I always thought it was a baby.

- Yeah?

Could be a gun.

Well, could be any f***in' thing.

Bobbie Gentry said

she didn't know what it was.

Supposed to be mysterious, like.

It gives me the f***in' creeps.

You know what gives me the creeps?

C*nts who beat up women.

Ah, that wasn't me, now. It was one

of me overenthusiastic minions.

- Cornell or O'Leary?

- You're very well informed, Sergeant.

- I keep abreast of current events.

- Good man yourself.

No, I'm not a fan of violence

against women

and I'm not a fan of blackmail either.

So, er, as an added incentive...

- Now...

- What's the point in paying me off?

You'll have to pay off

every other guard on the west coast.

- The lot of them?

- Enough as makes no odds.

- Even Wendell?

- Who's... Oh, the Yank?

No, I decided that discretion

was the better part of valour there.

You know what the Americans are like

with their f***in' ideals.

I'll say this now, so as we're clear.

This is a one-time-only offer.

Cross me on this and you're finished.

And this is not just about me.

You can't just arrest me and it's over.

There are men behind the men.

Do you understand?

I understand, Sheehy.

I understand.

Good.

Goodbye, amigos.

Are you all right?

That milkshake's after giving me

a f***in' milkshake headache.

Oh, I hate them.

- What are you gonna do?

- I'll be all right. It'll go in a minute.

# And drop them into the muddy

water off the Tallahatchie Bridge #

You know when you about someone

being liquidated by the Mob?

- Hmm.

- What does that actually mean?

Means they've been killed.

I mean, what else would it mean?

I know that. But does it mean they've

actually been turned into liquid?

Turned into liquid.

No. Just... killed.

Suppose turning someone into liquid

would be too time-consuming, huh?

Take ages.

Ah. Mrs McBride.

- You've found him?

- No, I'm sorry.

We just wanted to ask you

a few more questions.

- Please.

- I thought Sergeant Boyle was...

- He's been relieved of those duties.

- Why?

- There was a jurisdictional issue.

- He's not right in the head.

I don't think we need to involve

Mrs McBride in that discussion, do you?

Right you are.

You know more than me.

I'm sorry. We were wondering if there

was any reason you could think of

that your husband might have

chosen to disappear.

- No. I told Sergeant Boyle all I know.

- No, I understand.

- Was he on the take?

- I... I don't understand...

McBride. Was he taking money

from people? Gangsters?

- Whoa!

- He is a good man. Why would he...?

- No, no. Of course he's a good man.

- Ah, sure, we're all good men.

The fact remains,

he shows up in the west

at the exact same time

a bunch of drug smugglers

are landing half a billion dollars'

worth of cocaine

and then he suddenly goes missing?

- Hmm, sounds fishy to me.

- Inspector Stanton!

- You're saying he is a criminal?

- No, we're not...

Many a blind eye be turned

for that money.

- He is from Dublin after all.

- Oh!

I thought you wanted to find

my husband, but you insult him?

Mrs McBride, I would like to sincerely

apologise for the insensitivity...

I will only speak to Sergeant Boyle.

Please do not come to my work again.

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