Guard the House! Page #6

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- Mrs Mc...

- Good day to you.

Mrs McBride, if I could...

Hmm! Touchy, huh?

They're like that, the Romanians.

- Sergeant.

- Colum.

D'you want one of these?

- What are they?

- I dunno.

Libyan lad gave them to me.

All different colours, look.

I'll pass, Colum.

I'll have one of the purple ones.

They make you feel frisky.

Right. We'll have a little look-see

for ourselves.

- Who found 'em?

- Young lad.

- We won't have any trouble there?

- No, he's a good lad.

He's a bit cracked, anyways, so, like,

even if he did say something...

- Is that the lot, yeah?

- Yeah. What's the problem?

There's supposed to be

two of those Kalashnikovs

and two Glocks, and a Derringer.

- What's a Derringer?

- It's like a baby gun.

One of the gay lads used to like

secreting it on his person, you know.

- There were gay lads in the IRA?

- There are one or two, like.

It was the only way we could

successfully infiltrate the Ml5.

What?

I mean, an AK-47,

a Glock and a Derringer.

That's a lot to go missing, like.

Have you any idea

what happened to them?

- Maybe the mice ate them.

- Huh?

Maybe the mice ate them.

I can't be after putting that in

me report. "Maybe the mice ate them."

- No?

- Not really, no.

Why don't you put in your report

that Sergeant Boyle

went out of his f***in' way

to do you boys a f***in' favour,

and he got really f***in' annoyed

when you started asking him stupid

questions about missing f***in' guns,

and trying to f***in' catch him out

as if he was some f***in' gobshite?

- No need for that.

- You have your explosives, don't ya?

It's not as if you lads were ever keen

on getting in close for a scrap, now.

Blowing up Australians by mistake

from a distance

was more your modus operandi.

There's no need for that.

I'm after upsetting you.

I apologise.

Now can we leave it at that?

I accept your apology, Colum.

You boys owe me one, though.

For going out of me way.

I'll have to put it

to the high command.

- Is there still a high command?

- There is, yeah.

Well, I can't ask fairer than that.

Ta.

The boot's at the other end, Colum.

Jesus.

I'm always doing that.

Nothing.

Tomorrow night, so. We're good to go.

- I f***in' hate that.

- What?

Americanisms.

"Good to go."

What about the guard?

- I don't know.

- That's an anomaly.

Is that the right word?

I don't think it is.

Why? The guard, I mean.

The blackmail didn't bother

him and he didn't take the money.

- I'm impressed.

- I was, too, I have to say.

Yeah, good luck to him.

It's not often you come across

that kind of integrity in our business.

- Still...

- Yeah, we can't have that.

We'll have to make sure

he's out of harm's way.

- Why's it always me, though?

- Cos you're a psychopath.

I'm a sociopath, not a psychopath.

They explained that to me in Mountjoy.

- What's the difference?

- Dunno. It's a tricky one.

So... what did Dr Oleyuwo

say to you?

Sure, what could he say?

He won't be happy.

Me out gallivanting.

I told him I'd have him deported

if he made trouble.

Oh, you're a terror.

You OK?

Thanks for taking me out, Gerry.

You're a good boy.

Always a good boy.

Oh, stop it.

No, you never gave me

a moment's grief.

Ah, now stop. Now we both know

that's not true.

Let's pretend that it is.

Lovely music, huh?

We checked the dispensary.

There was nothing missing,

as far as we could tell.

She probably

saved 'em up herself.

She was always crafty like that.

She did not leave a note.

She didn't have

to leave a note.

What needed to be said?

She was a proud woman.

She was a brave woman.

She was my mother.

Thank you.

I was sorry to hear about your mother.

You know,

I lost my father a few years ago.

Didn't really hit me at the time.

It was only later that I...

It's tough, all right.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

So what's happening?

With the investigation?

Oh. Well, reliable intelligence

says they're down in Cork now.

- Who's down in Cork?

- Cornell, Sheehy and O'Leary.

- Where's this intelligence from?

- Garda sources.

- Garda sources?

- Yeah.

The Naval Service

will stand down here.

We'll concentrate the operation

in Cork.

- So you're moving on?

- Yeah.

There's another agent

in place down there already.

I'll be heading out tonight.

I wanna thank you for all your help.

Really. It's much appreciated.

Well...

Take care of yourself, now, Wendell.

I will.

- Good luck.

- I'll see you.

"Everything Happens To Me")

# I make a date for golf...

# Everything happens to me

# At first my heart thought...

No, leave it. I like Chet Baker.

You should get a dog.

Or a parrot, maybe.

Something to raise the alarm,

you know.

Ned Kelly had a peacock.

I've always wanted a giraffe.

A giraffe?

That wouldn't work. I mean...

You'd have to put in a cupola

or somethin'.

Be too expensive.

Sit yourself down there now.

Thought you lads were

supposed to be down in Cork.

It's called misinformation

in the intelligence community.

- Disinformation.

- Disinformation, then, smartarse.

- You're down at Rossaveal, so?

- Close. Spiddal.

You know, I don't know whether

to kill you or just tie you up,

make sure you don't do anythin' silly.

D'you have any rope and, er,

what d'you call it?

Erm, masking tape?

There might be some

down in the shed below.

Ah, sure. Can't be traipsing round

out there at this hour of the night.

You couldn't just let me be, no?

Why d'you kill McCormick,

if you don't mind me asking?

- We thought he was an FBI informer.

- Thought he was an FBI informer?

- Turns out he wasn't.

- Unlucky for Mr McCormick.

Better to be safe than sorry,

though, huh?

Right enough. Can't be too careful

in your line of work.

It's a hard life.

Not a lot of people understand.

I'm on tablets, like,

for the stress. Lithium.

You want to be careful with that stuff.

You all right there?

I think I might have picked up

a little something I shouldn't have.

Got a little fungi from Dingle, huh?

I was with two lasses.

Got a bit carried away, like.

Ran out of the old prophylactics

but decided to chance it?

We've all been there.

- Where were these girls from?

- Dublin.

Sure, Dublin.

You've only yourself to blame.

Be nice if we had some dips.

While you're making up your mind.

Yeah. Some nachos. Guacamole.

- I mean, we might be here a while.

- Nah, we won't be here that long.

This'll all be over soon.

- What was the deal with McCormick?

- Just to confuse you lads.

Why "5", though?

F*** knows. I was locked, sure.

Oh, Christ.

They're eating you alive, the beggars.

And McBride? You did for him, too?

Now that was pure happenstance.

Hmm.

He pulled us over for no reason.

Should've minded his own business.

- What did you do with the body?

- Dumped it in the sea.

Little fishes will have

eaten him away by now.

Not bad, huh?

Getting away with two murders?

You haven't got away with them yet.

I admire your confidence, Sergeant.

I admire yours.

F***.

I think... I think you've done for me.

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