Gummo Page #4

That's why Roy calls it Sharky.

Yeah. The other day l saw it

eating a turkey bone.

l swear it looked like

it was choking on the bone.

l wish it would choke

and shut up.

Yeah. l was gonna go tell

Miss Barry, but--

After the last time?

After last time, l didn't even

want to get near her front door.

''You kids

get out of my front yard...

''or l'm calling the police!''

-You want sparkles?

-Hell, no.

You don't want sparkles?

l want sparkles, Darb.

You can do my toes.

OK. When l'm done with hers.

Don't rush her.

You're getting better, Darb.

This woman and this man,

they was married.

Was real good friends

until another woman came along.

Now they're lesbians.

Disgusting--two women

biting at each other...

if you get my drift.

l think that--that's nasty.

Man, l get the chills.

l'm a party boy.

Not only that...

you'll be--be pickin' up

women in your pickup, man.

Yeah. My pickup, man. Yeah.

That's the way l am.

Turn fifteen, l'm partyin'.

Without wood,

there'd be no America.

No ships to bring the pilgrims

across the ocean.

No log cabins,

no schoolhouses...

no churches,

no covered wagons...

no railroad ties...

no cigar store indians...

no nothin'.

Solomon, are you down there?

What are you doing

lifting weights?

-l'm lifting.

-You'll stunt your growth.

You're gonna get

peg leg shoulders...

and pinched neck nerves.

lt's not good to lift

while you're growing.

l can see your shoulder

popping out.

Look at the way

it raises and gets smaller...

raises and gets smaller.

You're gonna pop out a joint.

That's not healthy.

Look at it. lt's gonna pop.

Your dad's old taps.

He used to be good.

He said he was blessed

with the gift of tap.

Took up tapping

when he got his bald spot.

He wanted to get transplants...

but l thought

that was a bit drastic.

Told him if he wanted to,

he should take up tap.

He put up the mirror.

He said if Marlene Dietrich

could see him dance...

she would fall in love.

What do you want

with Marlene Dietrich?

She had her bottom ribs

surgically removed...

so she'd have

more of an hourglass figure.

Don't you know stars are flawed?

Will you smile?

Come on, l want a smile.

Tuck in that tummy.

One smile. Come on.

l'm gonna tickle you

till you smile.

Flatten that tummy.

Hold your shoulders in.

Do you miss your dad? l do.

Come on, hold that tummy in.

Come on,

can you smile for me, please?

OK, you son of a b*tch...

if you don't smile,

l'm gonna kill you, OK?

l've killed before,

and l will kill again.

l will pick up your brains

all over the floor.

You came out of my womb...

and l'll stick you

right back in my womb.

lf you don't smile,

l'm going to kill you.

Yeah, party.

Break dance.

l have a good personality.

l have blond hair, blue eyes.

l'm a hundred

and thirty-five pounds...

and l'm 4' 10 1/2.

l have very light skin.

l am considered

what you would call an albino.

l like men

that are very sensitive...

that will sit down and watch

a good movie with me...

won't hit on me...

will love me for me.

l like men that either have

blond hair, blue eyes...

or...

black or brown hair.

Actually, the eyes,

it really doesn't matter.

My favorite movie stars are...

Pamela Anderson

and Patrick Swayze.

Patrick Swayze is sexy.

He's good-lookin'.

l love that man to death.

l would pay money to touch him.

When l was born...

l was born without any toes

on my feet at all.

l would pick things up

with the balls of my feet...

instead of my toes.

l had trouble

walking on my feet.

Clifford Dumkin

is the fat cocaine addict...

who lives down by my house.

He's into wife-swapping

and sex parties.

He gives girls cocaine,

and he fucks them...

in front of different kids

in the neighborhood.

Every time l see him...

he's got cocaine

all over his mustache.

-Watch her eyes.

-l want a mustache, damn it!

-Get her underbelly.

-Her underbooty.

-Get her nipples.

-l want a mustache!

lt's OK, Foot Foot.

l want to look like

Burt Reynolds!

l want a mustache, damn it!

Oh, baby, it's OK.

-Gotta calm down.

-l want a mustache, damn it!

Get down!

No! Get down now!

Do you still miss her?

Yeah. There's not a day goes by

that l don't miss her.

Sure seems that way sometimes.

Yeah. Yeah, it does.

Do you think

she looked a little like me?

Yeah, she looked

a little bit like you.

She's in heaven now.

Yeah, she's in heaven now.

What was she like?

Oh, she's--Brown hair.

She drinked, you know,

a little bit...

but she was a good person.

She was real nice, she was.

When l was a kid,

l remember growin' up.

There was this man

that raised me.

His wife walked around

in her underclothes...

and he'd always tell us...

all us boys

that worked for him--

you know, when you'd come in...

she'd be walking around

getting ready for work--

told us not to bug her.

They always warned us,

you know, don't--

you can look, but don't touch.

lt was hard to do...

when there was something

tempting in front of you...

as pretty and good-lookin'

as she was...

you know and everything.

But you got to respect

somebody else's wife...

in other words.

His dad never gave a crap.

Not even at the end of his game.

lt was scary to see him

despondent like that.

His dad didn't care

for mom much, either...

or the little doggie.

He started going to church...

and he started listening

to the gospels.

lt was expected

when he robbed the neighbors.

He took their wine...

and he took

some rings and fine jewelry.

l think he got a fur coat

as well.

When he had a kid...

he didn't think

to watch his ways.

He felt the same as his daddy.

Come on, put it back up.

-Let's go!

-Come on, man!

Go! Go, God damn it!

-F***in' get it!

-Put it up!

-Let's go.

-Tell me when you're ready.

Get that motherf***er.

On your marks, set, go.

Get him, God damn it, go!

F*** him up, Tummy!

Get it, boy! Get it, goddamn!

Don't be afeared!

-Got beat, didn't ya?

-Hell, yeah!

Sh*t!

Don't you know it's a sin

to get beat by your son?

Shoop, shoop, shoop

He got beat, he got beat

He got beat by his own son

He got beat, he got beat

He got beat by his own son

He got beat, he got beat

He got beat by Tummy

He got beat,

he got beat by mummy

-Who's next?

-Who's next?

How about the girls?

You two wrestle--

have an arm wrestle.

-Come on. Get it goin'.

-Get it on!

Let's see what we got.

You sit there and there.

All right, let's see it.

Do they even know

how to arm wrestle?

Now, are you guys ready?

You guys ready?

On your mark--

No holdin' the table.

Hand up in the air.

Get steady...

-Are you ready?

-No, not really.

You ready?

-Ready.

-You ready?

Go!

-Come on!

-Come on!

Go, God damn it! Yeah!

There.

God! Get beat like that,

that's awful.

lt's all right.

lt's all right.

-l take pride--

-l tried.

She did her bit. She tried.

You gave it all.

Any more f***ing beer?

-That's it.

-F***.

Man, f*** all this bullshit.

l can piss in this bottle,

fill it back up.

Rate this script:2.5 / 6 votes